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Therapy gives me SUCH a headache...
I had my second session with my therapist today, and while I was driving there, I really was wondering a bit about what we would talk about, as I told her the whole story of my H and his affair at our last session. Well, I need not have worried because I had PLENTY to talk about. However, I left there (A) with an enormous tension headache and (B) EXHAUSTED.
I have to say that the person I am going to is an awesome fit for me, and I am so thankful for that since I just kind of lucked into finding her through my hospital's EAP. Basically, she told me that she thinks I am being really hard on myself and maybe trying to rush myself into taking steps that I am just not ready to take yet. She keeps stressing that there is no right timeline for this and that this is a BIG thing, and it's not going to get resolved in a short amount of time. This is exactly what I need to hear because I go between knowing that I am not ready to take these big steps (telling my H I want a divorce, consulting a lawyer, making alternate living arrangements) and thinking that I need to get that stuff done ASAP. It also helps so much that she doesn't give me the side-eye about anything I say, even if I think I sound crazy as the words escape from my mouth. The fact that she is a neutral third party who didn't know me before this helps SO MUCH more than I ever thought it would.
Next time I see her, she wants me to work on making a map for what I would like my future to entail, although it will not be a timeline. I think that will be a good idea because right now I just have a cloud of thoughts in my head in no real order, and I could definitely use a chance to map them out some.
Re: Therapy gives me SUCH a headache...
Though I am at a different point in my life post-divorce, I completey get what you are saying about therapy being exhausting.
It does get eaiser, therapy that is, because you start to become more aware of yourself, your needs, and your feelings - even if rationality and your feelings don't want to seem to meet up
Hang in there and in case you are not hearing it elsewhere - I am proud of you for this step.
Before I told my XH I wanted to split, I put off finding a therapist for MONTHS because I knew as soon as I did, I would have to do the "dirty work" and get the ball rolling. And I didn't want to.
Finally, I had a false start with one counselor, then found another that I liked better. After spilling my guts to her in the first two sessions, I suddenly got this overwhelming urge to tell my XH ASAP, because I knew I couldn't hold it in any longer. I guess I was seeing a glimpse of how great my future could be, and I wanted to get there.
I knew I had to go through a LOT of sh.i.t to get there, though, so I had "The Conversation" with my XH after just those two meetings with my therapist. I didn't even tell her I was going to do it! I just decided at some point during the week, and did it that weekend. I felt like I HAD to. Honestly, I think it was the only way I could have done it. If I had worked it up in my head any more, it would have started to seem too daunting.
Anyway, I have no idea how this would help you, but I just really related to what I quoted above and had to tell you my experience. I hope you are able to do things on a timeline that you're comfortable with. Good luck..