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how many tears can these eyes make
I told my husband last night that I wanted to separate. I've told him several times before I wasn't happy but nothing ever changed ... very long story of course. I posted here before about what he did (never told me he had a mortgage in his name that is now in foreclosure, blah blah blah). He had no motivation in his life, no goals, just so different from me. I wanted to move forward in life and didn't feel happy with him ... I decided I couldn't do it to myself anymore.
Pleae for the love of god tell me this gets easier!
I cant stop crying. UGH.
I just keep thinking the "what if..." - what if we would have tried counseling.... what if he really can change .... but then I think ...you cant change everybody.... he's not one of your clients ... how long have you been unhappy .....
I'm sitting at work crying (nobody knows) and I just started this job 2 weeks ago so I barely know anybody. Thank god I dont have to see any clients today (I'm a social worker).
Please tell me all the damn crying and "what if's" are normal ..... Did you go through the same?
I tried listening to music to get my mind off it, but damn its like every song is about love & ughhh...
Any advice 
Re: how many tears can these eyes make
Yup, I remember that vividly. I cried nonstop for days, then there were periods where I didn't and it would start back up. I remember being physically unable to get out of bed. I did the "what ifs" and still occasionally do at times. I'd say all of this is pretty normal. It DOES get better but it takes a lot of time.
I'm also a social worker and one of the hardest thing for me was feeling so lost because I'm really good at telling my clients what steps to take to move forward, but it's hard when it's you. I found a really wonderful counselor who gave me some direction and helped me work through all of the zillions of thoughts running through my head.
Also music is the devil early on. There will be way too many songs that trigger the tears or memories. I had a hard time listening to the radio, so I got some loud, no emotion music on my ipod and listened to that a lot. In time, the music thing gets better.
You are going to doubt many of your decisions in this process, especially if you still love him, or shall I say love any part of your life with him. It's extremely difficult, and it gets exhausting and frustrating, but you will see the light when it's time. Just know that you made this decision after countless tries to make things better, and it just didn't work. That's OKAY. It will get easier and then you'll get to the point that you're just fed up with bull shhh that you will be glad you did what you did. It's a process. Give yourself time to grieve, and it will fall into place naturally.
It's okay to cry. It's okay to feel how you're feeling.
Good luck
Any suggestions? LOL
I had weeks where I felt I could not stop crying. It is hard, but over time, you cry less and less. Allow yourself this time to cry and grieve. I had to fall asleep with the TV on so my brain would turn off and let me sleep.
Eventually you will heal and realize you are happier without him. It took me awhile, but I realize that now. I am actually happy, happier than I have been in a long time.
It gets better. Write down your feelings in a journal so you can look back and see why you left him, how things turned out even though you had second thoughts and to be able to look back at your progress.
I gave myself time everyday to be upset (sometimes I chose the time, sometimes it chose me) and then decided that I needed to be positive and move on. It's ok to have a pity party once in a while though. Find a new positive activity (running, yoga, volunteering, knitting, etc.) that you can use to create something new and good in your life. This will be important when you two physically separate and there is a void in your life. Keeping yourself busy helps.
Right now it will seem like you're crying all the time but one day you will go to bed and realize that you didn't cry that day, or that week, or in a long time. Right now let yourself grieve--this is a death in your life. You will also get angry, bitter, nostalgic and elated. Emotions will ebb and flow. Therapy will help. We will too ((hugs)).
I did the same. My "time" was when I was driving home from taking my DS to school. There were days that he barely made it out of the car before I started crying. Every now and then I still do it, but one day it just stopped. I might be weird, or I might be setting myself up for a crash and burn situation later on, but one day I just woke up and thought, "I'm not going to do this after January 1. I'm leaving this in 2011." I kept that date in mind, and I've pretty much stuck with that. I still have bad days, but making myself put a time limit on the pity party really helped.
I really appreciate all of your comments, it gives me hope. Just so many emotions its disgusting. You make it feel more normal, which helps.
Maybe someday I'll look back on all of this and be able to understand ... maybe I won't ... I just hope it gets better.
Anything that has the underlying SCREW YOU message! A lot of older Pink...before she got all soft and smooshy, 30 Seconds to Mars, pretty much anything loud and screamy