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How do you get over the disappointment and move on?
We have been actively searching for our forever home for over 1 yr now. We have made several offers and been outbid each time (we are not low balling, we are offering over list price every time). I always told myself that "it wasn't meant to be" and there is something out there even better for us.
I thought we had found "the one" at last, the one that we were waiting for. But we were outbid again. I just can't seem to get over it. It would have been so perfect for our family, unlike anything we have seen in over a year. I wish I could rewind time and offer more for this place. Lesson learned, but that's what we said last time. And there's no hope of the winning bidder's contract falling through as they are apparently paying all cash.
I feel ridiculous saying I'm devastated and heartbroken over this. We have our health and we have each other and that's all that truly matters. But I fear that no other place we look at will compare to this lost opportunity.
Has anyone else gone through this? How do you get over this? Do we just give up looking for the forever home? The problem is compounded by the stress of living in our current home which we outgrew long ago. Our realtor has advised us that we do not have unrealistic expectations for our budget, just that inventory is incredibly low.
Re: How do you get over the disappointment and move on?
It took us 4 years to find our second home (our forever home). Granted we had rather specific criteria as to location, size, layout and price with limited inventory from which to choose and little turn over in our desired location. It was discouraging at times, but well worth the wait.
Thanks for your reassurance. We do have very particular requirements for a low turnover area as well. I just hate to think that we will miss the boat on low interest rates and prices. Also living in a 1 bedroom condo is making me nuts.
not sure what part of california you are in, but inventory sucks really bad right now where we are trying to buy. we've been casually looking for a long while and now wish we had gotten serious earlier as there were a lot of houses last summer that might have worked. right now, we're having problems finding anything we even want to offer on.
it totally sucks, and i feel you. i just have to keep reminding myself that it will work out in the end, which i personally have faith it will. in the meantime, i've been keeping busy on the house front by getting things in order and purged. living with less clutter & with things organized makes life more pleasant in the meantime and will make packing a little easier.
the fed just announced that they will be keeping interest rates low through 2014. previously, they had only promised to 2013. so don't worry too much about interest rates for now. even if they go up soon, they most likely won't shoot up right away but increase gradually. also, most california markets seem to still be on a downward trend, and a lot of experts say that it has not bottomed out yet.
Thanks for your input. We are looking in the south bay area. I think purging would be a useful and soothing distraction.
I think we got outbid... 5 times? Something like that, when we were shopping for our house. It almost happened again with the house we bought, but we were fast enough to sign the contract just before the competing offer came in. The "for sale" sign wasn't even up yet.
It sucks, there's no way to sugar coat it. But what choice do you have besides, if it's something you really want, keeping at it, and continuing to hunt and try. Eventually you will get it. Until then, you keep at it.
It's easier if you don't put yourself in such a position to have to "get over it." Try to emotionally detach yourself from the process some. Stop thinking about omgggg it's my dream house!!! I want to bring my babies home from the hospital to here! and imagining yourself in it before you make the offer. If you've been shopping for a while, you probably know exactly what your needs and wants are. Houses either meet them or they don't. It's easier to lose houses (which is a reality in some markets) if you get less emotionally invested in each one.
You've been given good advice so far. Most importantly, housing prices and mortgage rates aren't going to shoot up anytime soon so don't feel like there is a ticking timebomb. Rates will be low all of this year and most of next year... and then they may creep up. But they aren't going to go to 10% overnight. Even if you get a 5 or 6% rate that's still historically low!
It sounds like you are in a competitive market and in a competitive pricepoint. If it makes you feel any better, don't beat yourself up for getting beat by an all cash offer. Even if you had offered slightly more than the cash offer, the sellers probably would have gone with the cash offer as it's a sure thing and doesn't require financing which could drag out/delay or kill the deal!
we're looking in a nearby and similar market and hope to eventually move to the south bay. we also have friends that have been looking in your area for years. it's a really tough market. AND there are so many investors in our market that buy houses for cash. it's really frustrating. i was reading stats on our metro area for 2011, and a shockingly large percentage of sales were cash transactions with investors.
adding to what susie said, maybe think of it as a very large purchase and long-term investment. that helps me think of it more as a business decision and stay somewhat emotionally detached.
When I was looking for my first house (in Los Angeles), I was outbid at least 3 times before I found "the house." That's part of living in California, I think.
Hang in there. Those houses you didn't get weren't meant to be. Your house is out there and waiting to be found.
If the price point you are looking at is providing you homes at the top of your range and you are not able to offer a higher amount then you should probably stop looking at homes in that price range. It sounds like you have a very competitive seller's market in which they are able to get higher prices and have multiple offers.
I think when ever I have experienced disappointment in the buying/building process ... I try to learn from that lesson so I don't have to go through it again. Every one wants a good deal but sometimes you have to decide if the extra $10 a month in mortgage (or whatever the equally small number is) is worth offering 10s of thousands lower (in some cases) and potentially losing a home.
Good luck with your search. Learn from your lesson - formulate a new game plan so that it isn't ground hog day for you every time you put in an offer - and find your home ;-)
I just wanted to pop in and say good luck. I think it's great that you have a specific list of must haves for your house and that you aren't going to settle for the sake of getting in somewhere. Just try not to get discouraged. You guys will find the perfect home for you, and when you do it will be the greatest feeling. We we lucky and found our forever home in only a few months of searching, and we still say every day how much we love our home.
When we found this house we knew it was the one right away. We offered the same day that we saw it and offered listing price. We also wrote into our offer that we needed a response within 24 hours. They accepted before anyone else could see the house after our visit.
ETA: don't give up on finding your forever home. You'll know it is the one when you dont want to leave and you can't find anything wrong with it.
Life and Love at #16 | our married life blog
I hear what you're saying, and I agree in some respects. But at the same time, we are going over list price and over comps each time. I guess the dilemma we have is that how do you know how high to go when its a blind bidding war? I wish it were more like an auction. At the end of the day other people were willing to go further than we were.
I really don't want to let this happen again though so maybe we need to go out on a limb and go way over appraised value and bring in extra cash to cover the difference.
Thanks to everyone for the advice and encouragement and good luck to everyone out there house hunting!
I hope to participate more on this board and share my experience in such a competitive market.