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STBX filed for shared residence and custody - What are the odds?
I originally filed to be the primary custodian of my children with visitation for their father. STBX countered with shared residence and shared custody....50/50 I guess. What are the odds that he will receive this? When we go to mediation, I will absolutely say NO. I will bring proof of his past abuse - I have documentation, statements from family and friends, and I also have recordings of his verbal abuse towards my son.
Plus, STBX has a weird work schedule. He works the night shift 8 days on, 6 days off. I'm a teacher, home by 3:00 everyday and I have summers off. The kids always call my house "home." STBX lives with his parents.
Please help put my mind at ease...I do not want STBX to have shared custody of these kids. He doesn't care about them! I will fight tooth and nail to make sure he doesn't get this.
Re: STBX filed for shared residence and custody - What are the odds?
I'm not trying to be negative, but I've actually seen lots of 50/50 situations. I think it will depend on the parents, though. I am far from an expert, but if there is proof of abuse I would *think* it would be a stretch that a judge would order that. Get a good lawyer and do what you can to keep your kids safe.
My STBX works a night shift schedule - 8 days on, 6 days off (Wed - Wed). Therefore, the 8 days he works, the children are with me 100% of the time. He never sees them. The only time he sees the kids is when he is off. Even then, he will only see them maybe 3 or 4 of the 6 days he is off, and those are not full days either. Usually, he will pick them up after nap time and give them back to me for bed time in the evening.
STBX lives with his parents 5 minutes away from my house.
I filed to be the primary custodian of the children, but STBX denied it and countered it by filing for shared residence and shared custody.
How on EARTH does he think he can handle shared residence and shared custody with his work schedule? More importantly, he can't even handle the children! He has no patience and a HUGE history of abuse, which I am going to lay all over the courtroom.
You're right! He abused my children for the last 4 years. I will absolutely prevent him from seeing them as much as I can. Duh.
Ummm, why did you let it go on for 4 years??? Are the police/CPS involved?
I am going to agree with this. Your points about him living with his parents and working 8 days in a row don't really seem like valid points to prevent him from having shared custody. Lots of people work weird shifts and stay with family and have their kids frequently. You said your kids NEED you, but they also need their dad in the lives. I don't know your story, and I see you are saying he abused the kids, but the PP's have a point, if it was going on for 4 years why didn't you do something about it before now?
A lot of times parents (fathers) want 50/50 b/c it means that they won't have to pay child support (or it will be less). Or they do it as a ploy b/c they think that they can use the request to negotiate ("I'll allow you to be the primary caregiver if I can have more $$, etc.").
I'm curious - when you say "my son," do you mean "our son"?
If he is so emotionally abusive, I would talk to your lawyer about granting him only supervised visitation, and NOT allowing his parents to be the supervisor.
I'm not sure what you mean about shared residence - - does he want to live with you during the separation process? Or does he just want 1/2 of the home? If he has a place to stay and you can PROVE abuse, then I doubt he will get to live with you, but if he wants 1/2 of the house as a divorce settlement, you might have to buy him out or provide him with other assets.
Let your lawyer handle this! You sound very emotional - - this is not an emotional process. You need to keep your cool and treat it like a business transaction, and show the court what is in the best interest for your child.
Jaime- take a deep breath. I agree you sound emotional, but of course you are! These are your children. And I can understand how his decision has scared you (I think that was his intention)
Courts will opt for the best interest of the child and more often than not they believe that having a relationship with both parents is best. So, if he has a history of abuse, that will be relevant. Likewise if you witnessed abuse (or were the target) and remained in the home with your children that will also be relevant. If his abuse is significant you should not have much problem gaining more custody (your lawyer will be able to present this for you)
His work schedule may have little impact as each parent is permitted to use childcare during their custody period.
If abuse is not an issue, the courts will want to know (with documentation) who is most active in your children's lives (who takes them to Drs appointments, who attends the parent/teacher conferences, who watches them after school. Just make sure you have documentation showing that it's you.
My guess is he want's 50/50 to avoid paying you child support and it's just a ploy. This wont be the first time the judge has seen it. I read that judges will often ask the parent to write down the name of the pediatrician to determine which parent really knows those details of their childs life.
Good luck!
No, there is no assumption of the mother being the primary custodian. 50/50 is very common, or some other near equal variation, like 60/40 (dad has Tuesday and Thursday and every other weekend, etc). Children need both parents in their lives unless there is a very specific threat to the child's safety. Even then, the judge will work towards resolving the issue that places the child at risk- parenting classes, drug testing, etc. so that the child can be with both parents as much as possible.
You will need to be very specific about the abuse, and how you attempted to protect your child, or you will also be questioned regarding your ability to protect your child as well. Talk with your lawyer and be prepared to provide proof of your claims.