Starting Over
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Tell me, what did you do? Did it work? Poll
Did you go for a trial separation first with your partner or did you go straight for a divorce and didn't bother trying again? Or ... what?
[I told H yesterday I wanted to separate] But Maybe I'm only considering a trial separation b/c I dont want to really let go b/c its convenient, he's all I have, you know all those "what ifs" but I'm wondering what others did?
[Poll]
Re: Tell me, what did you do? Did it work? Poll
I blindsided him with divorce papers. It worked very well
Sorry, I know not the answer you're looking for but if you're done, you're done. Don't let the hurt make you feel like you're making a wrong decision. It's hard even when it's the right thing to do.
I think that might be what I'm doing .... but I just don't know. It all sucks so much, lol ..
We're separated, but only because MD has a mandatory one year separation. Otherwise, I would have already filed papers.
Are you seeing a counselor? It was THE best advice I got after leaving h. She's been really, really helpful.
I am not seeing a counselor. I only told H yesterday I wanted to end it so I might just be in denial of the situation because I dont want to leave what is comfortable, convenient, and "not terribly all that terrible ..." ughh.
I think what is hard is I am a therapist myself, and I know all the stuff to say and what I'd tell a client ... but when it's yourself its harder.
Those feelings are normal.
And yeah, I'm not a therapist, but it's so much easier to give advice to other people. If my sisters or friends had been in a relationship like mine, I would have told them to get the hell out, but it's easier said than done.
We went for a straight divorce.
I guess I'd call it a success as we're divorced.
This.
I filed, lived in the house with him (separate rooms) for a month, and then moved out and we're still separated. The paperwork is all signed and waiting for the judge to do the stamperooni.
This is what I was thinking as I read through the other replies. I've never felt like it would help... any time I've seen other people do it, it seemed more like it was because it softened the blow of the eventual divorce. When ending our marriage was on the table, i felt like serious talks/working together were gonna help, not time apart stewing...
I went for straight divorce because I knew that if I didn't just leave, I'd never do it. We're actually not divorced yet, but it's only because STBX has been dragging his feet with the court proceedings.
Personally, I think it's best just to rip off the band aid if you are truly done. I think that separating just prolongs this painful process for both people.
Same for my state. If I could file immediately, I would. I didn't want this, but knowing what I know now about his cheating and the # of random women he's slept with in the past few months, ICK. I would love to just close the door on the whole thing.