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I don't know how to title this, so moms just come in.
MH and I were talking this weekend about how Alexis will tell me "____ pushed me" at school. Most of you know the issue we dealt with a few weeks ago which was addressed - she is fine being around the boy now, and we reinforced with her that hitting/pushing is not nice, and talked about things you SHOULD do with your friends.
We were trying to kind of make a 'plan' I guess for how we're going to deal with issues she encounters with other kids. Obviously for some things you want to say "you need to tell an adult... a teacher... me..." or whoever, but you also don't want your kid to be the tattletale that can't deal with their own problems and goes running to someone for every.little.thing. KWIM?
I think it's a fine line. How do you handle it? I said maybe we should initially teach her that we're basically the "clearing house" so to speak - she tells us and then we help her determine what kinds of things are worthy of elevation to a higher authority (so she knows how to work through it in the future) and what things she can handle on her own (and then to what point before it continues and she needs to go to someone else).
While I know we seem quite a ways off from dealing with certain issues, she's already encountering things in DC and when we talk - she GETS IT. I'm just curious how you all handle it. I guess there is no specific "right" or "wrong" answer, just want some feedback.
merry christmas from my little elves!
Re: I don't know how to title this, so moms just come in.
She's 2? Yes, at that age, coming to mom or a teacher (whoever is in closest proximity) is the best bet. It's too young to worry about her being a tattletale, honestly.
ETA: sorry, I skimmed. I meant, with someone getting physical - pushing, hitting, shoving, biting, etc. If I noticed my kid being a tattletale for "he took that' and "he won't let me have a turn," I'd push him (figuratively speaking, haha) back out there and try to get him to speak up to the other kid. But when a kid is being a bully and pushing, hitting, etc, then I think they're too young at this age to deal with it on their own - they should tell a parent or teacher.
I don't mean just now when she's two... I'm planning for the next few years, just curious.
We've dealt with this a lot. We tell her to stand up for herself and to tell her 'friends' "no, that's not nice" when they do something like that to her.
We did not know, but her teacher was also working with her on how to stand up for herself. After a few months of us all telling her the same thing, she does stand up for herself. And the kid that was doing stuff to her the most has now moved on because apprently she only wants to be friends with kids she can push around.
My son is five and I think he's a tattletale. His kindergarten teacher put it diplomatically to us, but that was the sense I got. What I have been doing with him is when he tells me about something that happened, I ask him "What did you do when that happened"? Then follow up with "What else do you think you could do"? I'm hoping that helps him problem solve around how to negotiate certain things without always needing teacher mediation. Serious things go to the teacher, of course!
Norah just handles her own, lol. We haven't crossed that bridge yet-- she's not in daycare and isn't around children her age all day. I think I'd still go with the "tell an adult" route until she's ready to better mediate things herself.
Vicky, read the ETA that I wrote. What we've always done - and this approach has evolved as he's gotten older - is that we ask him how his day was, what did you learn, who did you play with, etc. When things come up that sound "off" (like, Jeffrey's a bully did you know that Mom? or I'm not Sammy's friend anymore...), we'll talk more about it, and ask him what happened, etc. We'll often talk about specific things that he could do. Ok, so Jeffrey told you that he's not your friend and he wanted you to go away? What did you say back to him? One thing we say a lot is, "walk away." When someone isn't being nice, walk away. Lately, now that he's older, we'll practice him saying "when you're not nice, I don't want to play with you," or "I'll play with you when you're acting nice."
So we more often deal wtih things after something specific has happened. It seems better for us than saying, "now what should you do if a random kid doesn't let you slide one day?"