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love him but want to smack him
I love my DH very much and want to have a better sex life. BUT he has been turning me down lately.
When we were dateing our sex life was great, even into the first year of marriage. Now nearing our second anniversary its getting bad. I have to start things, its over really fast(he gets his and I get what I get.) We'll get going and when things start to heat up he'll just hit it and quit it before I can say wait or let try this.
Then hes like "Did you O?" I'm like "No but I think we can..."
Its to the point where I feel like my words fall on deaf ears. It was only after I left him in the bed got in the shower and broke down sobbing that he even attemped to try anything to change the issue.
Its been 4 months since that and its back to that point. Only now I'll try to start something. He'll get a hard on then say "I'm tired and go to sleep". Or We'll try then he can't get it up!
We don't have kids. Works been ok, Moneys tight but thats no big deal.
anyway just looking for an ear to listen
Re: love him but want to smack him
What you need to do is sit down with him and talk aobut this --- outside the bedroom -- and have a very long and candid talk about your dwindling sex life.
You're married 2 years. This shouldn't be happening.
And he shouldn't be in and out like he's trying to win some kind of race.
Communication is key.
You and he need to work on your sex life and you need to do it together -- he needs to meet you at least half way on this -- I think once or twice a week would be great.
Do you guys argue constantly?
I can recall a time when I was with my EX that I started to get overwhelled with her and started shutting her out. It always would seem as though I was doing everything wrong. I would come over and she would comment on the fact that I was 10 minutes later than I said I would be over; or how I would do something for her that was thoughtful but get no response of appreciation back. As much as you get hurt by what he does, he gets hurt from what you do.
If I had one wish, I would wish that my GF's would cut me a little slack or atleast address issues in a different light and compromise a little bit. I, personally, give in on fights because there is no winning them. I shut down because there is no point in fighting a fight you are going to not only lose, but continue to hear about. I will never win Boyfriend or Husband of the year award, but what I do is not intending to hurt anyone; i just mess up sometimes because I'm human.
I read an artical on this site about how to handle fights. Maybe skim though it, see if that helps. When you are happy we are happy, just remember that
And listen I did. WOW!
You are going to have to talk with him. SERIOUSLY! I am with Tarpon on this one.
Are there any other problems that may be going on? Job change, money issues, or even talk about changing things in the relationship? I know that all of these things can change a "bedroom relationship". I know my husband and I had this problem before we got married (we were together 9 years before tying the knot) and it was because everytime he tried to have sex with me I would shoot him down. Has that been an issue in the past? Just think about when you don't want to have sex what the reason is behind that. I know we don't think about guys as being tired but they are too.
Just remember that this is not your fault and that this is just a problem you have to get through. I think discussing the problem would help you understand his reasoning alot better. Good luck!
Thanks everyone.
OK to answer questions
Yes he does other things to finish the job.
No we haven't been fighting.
I almost never turn him down.
Money is tight, but we are doing ok.
I'm helping to raise my siblings (both parents are deceased) So thats stressful.
We are talking about the bedroom issues and trying other things. Like just making out without the expectation of sex. Going for a walk around the park, since its been so nice out. ect.
Things have been pretty much the same between my boyfriend and I - I put up a thread about it today, but everyone's solution is to dump him and move on. What they don't understand is that our relationship is great other than that, so I'm not ready to call it quits.
I was looking for advice, not a way out.