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Nighttime Boyfriend...
Good Monday everyone. This is my first time posting on the forums, but I have been a member for a while.
Anyways, I am having an issue with my girlfriend of 4 months who likes to refer to me as a "Nighttime Boyfriend". We both work M-F 9-5 jobs, she is in Retail and I am in Emergency Services. I work full-time in law enforcement, part-time police dispatcher, and volunteer as a Captain in a fire/ambulance squad; so the times I do get to see my GF is at night. We don't see each other as much as she would like because of my involvement in my work. It's important to me and she is important to me too. I talked to her about how to resolve this issue, but her answer is to come over during the day. I try but im stuck between the woman I love and the hobby I love. I love being with her, but I dont want to give up part of myself as well.
Thank you in advance
Re: Nighttime Boyfriend...
I'm not following: how can you see each other during the day if you both work 9-5? Do you mean on the weekends?
I think it's not uncommon for people to work a couple of jobs, or jobs with odd hours, and only see each other at night.
My hobby is the volunteer Fire and Ambulance squad. I really dont consider it a job because I enjoy helping people and I am really good at it. I love doing it.
Yes, I should have said that. She wants me to be around all day Saturday and Sunday. I do my best to do so and will sometimes be able to spend the whole day with her, others I am assigned for the ambulance crew and Sunday nights 4-midnight I work as a 9-1-1 dispatcher.
I do do a lot, and I am busy, I am just wondering if anyone has any advice or suggestions on how to make this issue just a little bit easier for her. I do realize it would be hard considering you do not know her
I get having a hobby and liking it. But if you want to have a serious relationship you have to bend also. It sounds like between two jobs and this volunteer work, that's a lot of time. I don't think I'd like it either. Either you want to be in your relationship or you don't. Sometimes, something has to give somewhere. I'd like to take a saturday to lay in bed all day, smoke menthol cigarettes, eat high caloric take-out, and watch Lifetime TV. The entire day. But I can't. Because I gave up smoking when I started dating MH, I split my pants from eating too much sugar, and I have a child. Sometimes, to have a bigger picture of a great life, some stuff has to go.
You don't have to give up your hobby but then just know you might have to give up your girlfriend. Some people require more time than others. If you're not willing to give it you may just not be that into her.
Am I the only one who didn't open this because they thought it was spam? Sorry, the title is just a bit close to the "too sexy?" spambots we've been getting.
Anyway, there might be some great thing you can do that would make her feel cared for and appreciated without you having to give up more of your free time for her. I don't think it's likely, but if there is, you won't find it here because it'll be personal and we don't know either of you. But if you think this is a matter of insecurity rather than wanting more time with her s/o, it might be worth looking for.
I'm guessing though, that it's not. 4 months in is a bit premature to make plans revolving around the assumption of a life together, but it's not too early to start wondering what a life together would look like. You guys have obviously found that spark, and she finds herself wanting to see you more now, and maybe wondering what happens down the road. So big picture, what would a life with you look like? 4 months in is too soon, but are you willing to give up some time at some point? Is she willing to bend too, and you keep some hours reserved for your volunteer work? It's a pretty big service to your community; how much do they depend on you, can you take lesser hours?
Do you even want anything longterm or are you happy being a "nighttime boyfriend"? If you are happy, and not wanting to look a few years down the road, it might be best to let her go. She obviously isn't happy continuing as is, and if that's all you want then you need to be honest. Even if you really care for her, it's not fair to either of you unless you want more of the same things.
"The meek shall inherit the earth" isn't about children. It's about deer. We're all going to get messed the fuckup by a bunch of cloned super-deer.- samfish2bcrab
Sometimes I wonder if scientists have never seen a sci-fi movie before. "Oh yes, let's create a super species of deer. NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG." I wonder if State Farm offers a Zombie Deer Attack policy. -CaliopeSpidrman
This seems to be your only option since you're not willing to give upon your 'hobby'.
Which I don't think is necessarily a bad thing. If you enjoy it, it's a noble hobby and she's not happy with it, find someone who can accept that this is a part of your life.
That's what dating is for, after all.