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Can I vent? DH related-LONG
I am having a really rough day and just need to vent. Lately I have been so frustrated with DH. He is a wonderful husband and father but lately I just feel like I have been doing everything for the baby and I am always so tired.
We had a really busy weekend starting friday. He asked me last minute if I wanted to go to dinner with his co-worker so we did. We got home at 8ish and I had to make brownies and broccoli salad for a party on Saturday. So I'm hard at work in the kitchen after taking care of the baby all day and DH walks in and hands me the baby monitor (after putting Cole in his crib awake) and says that he's going to sleep. Mind you it's only like 9pm at this point. So the baby starts fussing and I flip out because I have a ton of stuff to still do before I could go to bed (pump, wash bottles, finish cooking, clean up) and I took the monitor in the bedroom and made him get up. Well lucky for him the baby put himself to sleep so he never had to get up out of bed.
Then he had to work for ONE HOUR on Sunday and was acting like it was such a huge deal so that he couldn't help with any overnight feedings on saturday night. I mean seriously it's one hour give me a break.
Then on Sunday he was nice enough to watch the baby while I went to lunch with a friend but then I got home and he went to bed at 7:30!!!!!! He was tired because he "only got 6 hours of sleep last night and didn't get a nap". I seriously wanted to strangle him. I had taken a short nap around 5 and while I did he came in and put the baby in a bassinet next to me and tried to lay down. Well of course the baby woke up and he expected me to get him. I went in the spare room and continued my nap, considering I get up with him all night every night. I'm lucky if I get 6 hours of sleep interuppted on any given night. I was just so angry when 3:30am rolled around and I was up with Cole for the second time and I realized that by this point DH had been sleeping for 8 hours and still didn't have to get up until 5:45. I mean I know that he works but it's not fair that I am the only one completely and totally sleep deprived. He just thinks I can nap all day every day which is totally not the case at all.
Then today I had to get a prescription for Zantac for LO because he has reflux and literally screams after every feeding. It is very stressful. DH was nice enough to pick up the prescription but then when he got home he literally did nothing for the baby. He insisted I feed him and then I had to force him to change ONE diaper. Pathetic. I have to ask him to take him, he won't just see that he's screaming and that I'm stressed and step up to the plate. Then I said that I wanted to elevate the one side of the crib mattress to help with Cole's reflux and he said no that he didn't want to. He wouldn't say why and then said that I can "go ahead and get as mad at him as I want that he's used to it" and promptly at nine went to bed. So now I have Cole sleeping in his bouncy seat to keep him from laying flat. It's like he is so detached from the face that our son is having issues.
I don't even want to go sleep in the bedroom tonight I am so frustrated and mad at him. He just acts like since he works full time that he can't do anything else sometimes. I don't think he understands that although I am home all day it's not easy, and I don't get any breaks, ever.
Ugh sorry I know this is really long but I just needed someone to talk to. I feel like if I complain too much to my family or friends that they will view him differently and I don't want to do that.
Re: Can I vent? DH related-LONG
First of all, I could have written parts of this about 2 months ago. So you are not alone.
1. Reflux sucks. DD was on Zantac for 3 weeks before it totally stopped working and we had to switch to Prevacid. She's been on that for almost 2 months and it simply takes the pain away, mostly, so we just have to deal. Elevating the mattress will help a LOT - we just put a pillow under one end. Also have him sleep in a swing, bouncer or other elevated position for his daytime naps. Just tips from things that have worked for me (feel free to message me on FB if you want to talk about reflux more, we still battle it every single day).
2. I know it's hard to be a SAHM. I can't really help regarding night feedings, since my body never made milk DD has been FF since she was 4 days old (first supplemented, then when I didn't have any milk come in we were exclusive FF). However, when DH went back to work I had to do all the nighttime feedings, but we developed a "tag team" system when he saw (was told) how worn out I was from being up 2-4 times a night then dealing with a fussy baby all day. When DD wakes up, I get him up and he changes her while I make the bottle. I then put her back to sleep after her 30 minutes upright after her feeding. DH is only up for about 10 minutes but it shaves 20 minutes off what I'd be up for if I had to do it all myself. He also takes Friday & Saturday nights (though I don't know if this is an option for you) so I can catch up on sleep. Could suggesting a system like this work for you and DH? If not, could you take a whole Saturday and leave Cole with him so he "gets" how hard it is to be by himself all day? Sometimes our H's need a wakeup call as to how hard it can be as a SAHM!
I know it's hard but you are all still adjusting. And it sucks that I'm going to say this, but DD is almost 4 months old, and as soon as we get a handle on her sleep habits or reflux something happens and she changes the game up. We just went from STTN (10-11hr stretches) and regressed to night feedings again (I think 4mo wakeful, not a growth spurt, it's been going on too long). Some days are rougher than others, but I think you should try to sit down with DH and calmly explain to him how you are feeling and that he needs to step it up and help you out before you totally burn out.
I am so sorry you had a sucky day, and I hope tomorrow is much better. You aren't alone, I bet all the moms on this board have had a similar experience to any of the things you mentioned above, and we can all empathize. ::big hugs:: to you, and if you wanna chat more you know where to find me.
Thanks ladies. I just really needed to vent. Having a baby is such a huge adjustment and there are good days and bad days. It is so hard for me to not take out my frustrations on DH and I know he is doing the best he can.
Yes Steph-reflux sucks big time. It is just awful to see him crying and in pain and know that there is nothing I can do about it. I am really hoping that the Zantac helps. It is nice to know I'm not the only one in this position.
Last night I had him sleep in his bouncy seat and it really seemed to help. He ate at 7:30 and went to sleep around 9:30. He didn't wake up to eat again until 3:30!!! So I think having him sleep on an incline will definitely help.
I also don't have experience in this, but just wanted to let you know I'm listening!
The only advice I would share is that it will not get better until you sit down with your DH and have a calm, unheated conversation about the reality of being a SAHM for you and come to a mutual understanding of each of your responsibilities. GL! We're all here for you
I know EXACTLY how you feel!!!! I went through this for the first few months.....But believe me it does get better, especially if he has never been around babies before like my husband!! There were nights I would cry myself to sleep because I was so exhausted.
The day reached my breaking point I sat down with him and just told him exactly how I felt and how exhausted I was and ghow I felt like it was just me doing it all and getting no help!
Feel free to msg me if you need to talk!!! (((hugs)))
Huge hugs to you! I'm not in your shoes yet, but it sounds like a stressful time.