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Bad night, barely hanging on
Too much happened to type it all but suffice it to say I learned some pretty harsh truths about STBX that I never saw before and now I'm reeling. I feel so sick to my stomach that I've actually thrown up what little I had in my stomach and have been dry heaving since.
Hes been lying to the 'gf' which shouldn't really bother me but it just goes against everything I thought I knew about him considering the topics. And he's been lying about me which upsets me on so many levels. It's bad enough he led me on about working things out and then sprung the 'gf' on me 3 days before Christmas but the things he's been saying are downright just plain mean and spiteful and totally uncalled for!
And when I try to talk to him about it he just gets really shitty. I hate this. I hate living here (not with him but in the house we bought together, in his home state away from all my family and friends), I hate that I can't find a job (so Im back in school and STILL applying for jobs) because i feel dependent on him even though the money he gives me is child support. And I HATE that he can get to me this much
I don't have a therapy appt till next week cause she was booked this week and I don't know how im going to make it and not go crazy.
We did our separation agreement ourselves 2 years ago and I was trying to be nice then. Im going to try to call a lawyer tomorrow and see if I can afford him and see if the separation agreement we made would stand up in court (I don't think it would anymore) and see if I can get a better deal that would allow me to move back home.
Re: Bad night, barely hanging on
Sorry things are rough for you right now.
Get things legal as soon as you can, that will make it easier to deal or not deal with him since it should be regarding only the kids. This should help. Sometimes just taking that first step makes you feel empowered.
The other thing that should help is your therapist, maybe call the next few mornings to see if she has had any cancellations.
I also agree with hugging your kids, mine makes such a difference if I am having a rough time and she has no idea
Stay strong! Maybe call your therapist and see if he/she can do a quick phone session with you. Mine did that for me once and it was much needed at the time.
You WILL be ok.