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Has anyone dealt with this?
My parents and my mom's mother live up in Jacksonville. A few weeks ago, my grandma needed emergency heart surgery and the only surgeon who could perform the type she needed was down in Miami. My grandma was transported down there in an ambulance and my mom rode along. The preliminary surgery was performed and grandma was ok. However, she wasn't clear to simply go back up to Jax because she still needs the major surgery, which will hopefully fix her heart for the foreseeable future. And this next procedure can't be done until her kidney function goes back to normal, which might not be for a few more weeks.
So my mom is living in a hotel near the hospital in Miami until grandma is clear to go back to Jax. My mom doesn't have a car and all she can do each day is take the shuttle to and from the hotel to the hospital. My dad is up in Jax because he works. He visited my mom this past weekend.
Anyway... this is my family's first experience with something like this...a family member being in the hospital for a long time in a whole different city from where they live and another family member living there, in a hotel. My mom doesn't have a laptop, ipad, smartphone, etc, so she's not able to have much joy around her- no movies, music, stuff like that. She checks her email at the hotel's internet lab but that's it. She is exhausted caring for my grandma. There are many more details but I would go on forever talking about it. I just feel so bad for my mom and my grandma both. But especially my mom because she is so alone and has to be a cheerleader for my grandma and also make sure everything that's going on at the hospital is correct and in grandma's best interest. I'm not able to visit her this weekend but I hope to go down next weekend if possible.
I'm wondering if anyone has dealt with something like this and can relate. I keep telling my mom how strong she is being and I talk to my grandma and of course I say happy things and tell her I can't wait till she's feeling better, etc. (grandma is very dejected and unhappy). I wish my mom had kept up with technology and had gotten a laptop or something during these past years, haha.
And we have some family nearby but to be honest, no one my mom really wants to get involved with, kwim?
This was really long and I better go. Thanks for listening ladies!
Re: Has anyone dealt with this?
Aww, that's sucks Lauren.
Luckily my family hasn't had to deal with something like this in like 20 years, LOL. But I remember as a kid, my Grandfather had cancer and my mom basically lived in Miami for a few months while he went through all his treatments at a hospital in down there. Luckily, she had my Grandma with her, but it was still a tough situation. I can only imagine how tough it is for your mom doing this alone
I would visit my mom on the weekends and I remember how sad it was, being in her hotel room, feeling so unlike a home, and being scared not knowing if my Grandfather was going to live or not. It was such a hard situation on our family, I really feel for yours.
I hope your Grandmother makes a speedy recovery and life will be back to normal shortly
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I have never dealt with anything like this, but I am so sorry for your family
Your mom is amazing for what she is doing. Is there any way you and H could send her a laptop, or buy her a Kindle Fire? I am sure she would really appreciate it. I hope she can have her surgery ASAP and that your mom can get back home.
Ditto sending her a Kindle, if you can. If not, maybe call the hospital and see if your mom can take breaks with a support group or if they can recommend a nearby library where she can get books/magazines or even rent a laptop?
Speaking from personal experience and watching my mother do this now with my grandmother, being the sole caregiver to an adult is excruciatingly draining emotionally, physically exhausting and depressing. Do what you can to keep her spirits up, particularly, getting her some sort of "escape." When you do go visit, take the time to get your mom out and about. Unless she's on her medical team, she's just there to keep your grandma company. And IMO, they both probably need a little space at this point.
If a Kindle is too pricey, maybe get her a cheap dvd player and send a few movies, or tell her where a redbox machine might be for rentals.
http://www.amazon.com/Sylvania-7-Inch-Portable-Tablet-Player/dp/B005DSPKP4/ref=sr_1_7?s=electronics&ie=UTF8&qid=1328061020&sr=1-7
There are some great titles that run around $5 or less.
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=lp_2649512011_nr_p_n_format_browse-bi_2?rh=n%3A2625373011%2Cn%3A%212625374011%2Cn%3A2649512011%2Cp_n_format_browse-bin%3A2650304011&bbn=2649512011&ie=UTF8&qid=1328061153&rnid=2650303011#/ref=sr_nr_p_36_1?rh=n%3A2625373011%2Cn%3A%212625374011%2Cn%3A2649512011%2Cp_n_format_browse-bin%3A2650304011%2Cp_36%3A3052496011&bbn=2649512011&ie=UTF8&qid=1328061184&rnid=2734927011
I am a prime member, so if you want to take advantage of my free two-day or $3.99/item one-day shipping, let me know.
Thanks so much everyone.
Nicole, thank you for the links and for offering the shipping! That is really nice of you. For now I'm going to stick with just finding her a simple radio or something-- she and my grandma both love classical music and they haven't been able to hear any. I had mentioned how I wished they could watch some dvds but she said she doesn't think she'd have the patience as of now to sit down and watch anything. She is consumed with reading over all the notes she's taking while talking to the doctors, or else she's on the phone with relatives and others. But some music would take her to her "happy place". (It's kind of funny and sad- she was saying that she can't find PBS on any of the tvs. PBS is hers and my dad's favorite channel... my parents are very old fashioned :P)
Sorry to hear about your grandmother! I cared for my pop-pop for 4 days after knee surgery and it was draining. I did nothing but sit and chat with him and I was tired.
Can your mom get a car any how? Dad drive it down ad fly back? You meet your dad there and drive him back? That would allow her to run to the store etc.
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Thanks, girls.
Moon- My dad could have brought a car down for her last weekend when he visited. But I'm assuming they figured it wasn't necessary in the long run. She has all her basics covered at the hotel and hospital and taking into account parking fees plus the fact that she doesn't like to drive in unfamiliar cities, she's probably better off just taking the shuttle and not worrying about a car. And she wouldn't have wanted to drive all the way from Miami back to Jax on her own, her nerves can't take that. My dad always does all the long driving.
Actually, now that I'm remembering, she told me last week that at some point she got a shuttle ride to some park in Miami where she walked around for a while to clear her mind, some touristy area. She actually got sick of it after an hour and had the shuttle pick her up early, haha.
I talked to my dad today and he said that when he visited, he brought her a lot of books for her to read so that's good, I hadn't known that. Will still look into finding her some classical music.
That's enough rambling for now!