BNOTB
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Silent Treatment
in BNOTB
I really have to get myself out of my lifelong habit of doing silent treatment when I am upset. I have a hard time confronting someone about my feelings and that makes me clam up.
I know most people see me as this tough chick, but I am sensitive and when I am upset, I really do a good job of hiding it.
Sigh....what is your defense mechanism?
Re: Silent Treatment
same here
Me either. We don't yell at each other and say things we don't mean, probably because we are intellegent people (sometimes). I also don't like confrontation because it scares me a little and makes my heart race. My first BF and I used to get into it and it was not fun.
Me too!
I was trying to think of an instance when I used the silent treatment, and it never lasts more than a few minutes. Especially if the person asks me, "what the hell is wrong with you?" OH, LET ME TELL YOU EXACTLY WTF IS WRONG!
ETA: I can also yell, scream and ugly cry at the same time. You can't defend against that! lol
I am not a crier, but if I do cry, DH is unaffected by it due to wife #2 crying all the freaking time and it drove him nuts.
This.
Oh yeah, same here! We are so similar!
I may be able to hold it in for a short period, but more often than not it comes out pretty quick. Especially at work for some reason. I have no problem telling someone (in private, like a conference room) that I don't appreciate and won't tolerate being spoken to in a nasty manner. If it comtinues I then get passive aggressive and I basically won't help that person when they need something, or I'll just take my sweet old time.
If it's something between me and S, I usually just let it out. It's written all over my face anyway when I'm pissed or upset. And it's usually over as fast as it started.
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Everyone but FI: act like nothing happened then tell FI about it. If it gets to be a major issue, I will gather my thoughts and confront that person.
FI: Generally I'll let him know what's up. If he's been doing something that irritates me I'll act like nothing's wrong, and then blow up about something completely different. Then talk about it until I finally get around to saying what's really bothering me. Not good, I know. If he says something that pisses me off, I'll tell him and when he starts appologizing, he gets the silent treatment. We're pretty good about talking things out though.
ETA (I'm so forgetful today!) : If I'm really pissed off, I just need some time alone. It will either help me get over it, or gather my thoughts so I can have an adult conversation about what's up.
We yell.
Not necessarily mean things are said, but the voices get raised. It's kind of funny when we're embarrassed, even, we start yelling - sometimes accusatory.
Kind of funny though, we've started to realize when something like this happens, and if it's an embarrassment thing, whomever is receiving the yell starts laughing.. as a result, the other does also.
We don't fight very long - we have so many jokes together that something inevitably is said that is beyond hilarious to one or the other.
My initial reaction is to walk away. I like to gather my thoughts together, and think through whether or not I am actually being rational. (Because honestly, sometimes I flip out over things I don't care about, but it's usually because something else is bothering me.) Once I have reevaluated my thoughts/feelings/emotions, I come back and have a discussion, and try to talk through things with the other person.
If the other person doesn't let me walk away, I try to just shut down and not say anything. If they keep pushing, I will eventually just lay everything out, and then make some (truthful) very below the belt shots. I will try and make the other person feel as hurt and upset as I do. I also go "scary" quiet, as my husband calls it.
My H didn't let me walk away once, and has vowed never to do that again. I am not a nice person when I get mad.
This is exactly what I do. Only its specific to people. With H and my mom I get mean and once I start ranting I can't stop. With everyone else, I go silent and ignore. I have actually stopped talking to a few people and never told them why because I just dont want to confront the situation.
H is the total silent treatment guy. I can tell numerous times where I've said something that caused him to change his attitude and I can address those without having to ask "what's wrong?" over and over.
When he does his silent treatment and I don't know the cause, he will not tell me what's wrong. All I ask is that if it involved me. If no, then I don't ask him anymore. If yes, then I'm up in his a$$ to get him to talk to me.
When I get mad, I get very quiet when I talk. But I'm trying to tell him my problem, all the while anger is boiling inside me. Eventually I lose it and I start yelling at him because the entire time he'll brush me off or he won't react or he will insult me by turning away from me and occupying himself with something else.