Do I need to put more effort in to this?

uwhuskygirl · February 2012

My aunt (who my mom is very close with) has 2 kids who are 28(I'll call him J) and 27(I'll call her S). S and I are very close. I consider her the little sister I never had. J and I have never gotten along, even as children.

My whole extended family is large and very close. J has never and will never go out of his way for our family. He's pretty selfish and if he doesn't want to do something then he won't.

J is pretty mean to his parents too. He's really bratty and a know it all too. Generally, has a bad attitude about everything if things don't go his way.

Anyway, I'm to the point where I'm done with J. Family or not, I can't handle this kind of behavior. I've unfriended him on FB, told S that I can't deal with J anymore and she told me that she understands where I'm coming from. I'll be cordial at family gatherings, but I'm done making any sort of effort with him.

H thinks I'm making a mistake because we're "stuck" with J forever and he doesn't want me to cause any unnecessary drama in my family.

WDSNT?

Nutrguru · February 2012

No I think you're doing great. I personally would just be careful about complaining or putting down J in front of S because that would put her in a tough position that could make things awkward.

uwhuskygirl · February 2012

hallamb:
No I think you're doing great. I personally would just be careful about complaining or putting down J in front of S because that would put her in a tough position that could make things awkward.

She thinks her brother is an idiot too. Big Smile

mgoss228 · February 2012

hallamb:
No I think you're doing great. I personally would just be careful about complaining or putting down J in front of S because that would put her in a tough position that could make things awkward.

This, I wouldn't complain about J in front of any family members.

sarack · February 2012

No, I think you've done enough.. and at this point he needs to make some effort. I wouldn't go out of my way.. i would have probably just hid him on fb.. but either way, i think you're fine. i don't think telling your family you're done with him is important either.. just let it be so. don't let everyone know, then no one knows there is drama.

uwhuskygirl · February 2012

sarack:
No, I think you've done enough.. and at this point he needs to make some effort. I wouldn't go out of my way.. i would have probably just hid him on fb.. but either way, i think you're fine. i don't think telling your family you're done with him is important either.. just let it be so. don't let everyone know, then no one knows there is drama.

I didn't tell anyone else, other than his sister. I don't plan on saying anything to the family. I just hope he goes away quietly.

I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't making a mistake (like H thinks) by not caring about family.

sarack · February 2012

uwhuskygirl:

sarack:
No, I think you've done enough.. and at this point he needs to make some effort. I wouldn't go out of my way.. i would have probably just hid him on fb.. but either way, i think you're fine. i don't think telling your family you're done with him is important either.. just let it be so. don't let everyone know, then no one knows there is drama.

I didn't tell anyone else, other than his sister. I don't plan on saying anything to the family. I just hope he goes away quietly.

I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't making a mistake (like H thinks) by not caring about family.

I don't think you're making a mistake.. I totally used to be the type that would care SO much and some people just don't put in the same effort. I've learned that I can't be the only one putting in work. So, I think you're fine.

Did you say his family is crappy or just him?

uwhuskygirl · February 2012

sarack:
Did you say his family is crappy or just him?

His parents and sister are great. I don't know how he's such an arse.

jennlin · February 2012

nope, no more effort is necessary. it's okay to have family that you just don't get along with. it happens.

therickson · February 2012

To me family is super important but I have finally learned to stop trying with people who do not feel the same way. I think you are doing fine!

emyinpink · February 2012

therickson:
To me family is super important but I have finally learned to stop trying with people who do not feel the same way. I think you are doing fine!

this! just because they're family, doesn't mean you have to be friends. I think you're handling it very well.

BrandyL10 · February 2012

It sounds to me like you are doing what is right. If he has no care for your family or is trying to make a connection, etc, then he obviously isn't going to care if you try. So I say just focus on his sis. Sounds like you two have a great relationship and you also have a great relationship with their parents. It's too bad he can't grow up.

Do I need to put more effort in to this?

Re: Do I need to put more effort in to this?

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