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anti-CIO? need support...
We just came back from C's 9-months appointment. I felt very bullied when the topic of sleep was brought up. DH exaggerated a bit about how often DS wakes up at night, and was sure to tell the Dr. that C falls asleep at the breast - which we were lectured about last visit (but it works!) 
When I told the doctor I was reading a book to work on a better night's sleep for all of us, he didn't even ask what book, and just said "when the book doesn't work, here's what you do..." and proceeded to tell us how easy and effective CIO would be - 3 to 5 nights, he may cry and scream until he vomits, don't even turn on the monitors, etc...
Please tell me I'm not the only one who isn't ok with this, please. DH is now convinced it's the way to go, since the doctor said it today, and the nurse said it at our last appointment.
And, I'm just starting to read "No Cry Sleep Solution", but need to wait until we're over this nasty cold before I start putting it into effect. Anyone else have any advice?
Re: anti-CIO? need support...
No, I would not be comfortable with a doctor telling me it's okay for my child to scream and cry until he vomits. Personally, that would be enough for me to get a new pedi. We didn't attempt any sleep training until he was past a year. At that point we did want to night-wean, and so if he cried, we went in his room, rubbed his back, rocked him, put him back in bed, and checked back in 5 minutes and did the same thing. It really only took 2 nights, and no more than having to go in two times...there was no screaming or vomiting involved, just a little fussing, and he knew we were there to comfort him. I think there are responsible and caring ways to sleep train, and what your pedi has described is neither of those things, IMO.
Here's a little light reading to support your discomfort with your pedi's recs:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-crying-it-out
I don't have kids, but I think your doctor is an ass for not actually listening to you and your input. It would make me not want to listen to him or take his advice and instead trust my maternal instincts since I'm the one who would most likely be having to watch my baby CIO to the point of vomiting. (How is that not extreme?!? Vomiting? Really?)
I know there are tons of moms on this board who can help you through this hurdle-- there've been many posts before so you know you are not alone!
Hugs! And I'll think no-cry sleep thoughts for you guys!
Yeah, no matter what style of sleep training you are interested in implementing in your LO's life, your pedi's dismissal of your concerns/ideas would be grounds for dismissal in my book. You have great maternal instincts, and his poo-pooing you for not wanting to use CIO without even listening to what you thought is ridiculous. I also think it's pretty unfair of your DH to immediately jump on the CIO bus without having listened to what you're reading up on or doing his own research into alternatives (DH does this sometimes and it makes me mental!).
Sleep training can be tough stuff, and I think you should go with your gut for what you think is best for you and your child. Hang in there!
The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware; joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware. -Henry Miller
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I wouldn't feel comfortable with that response from the doctor either. You need to do what is right for both you and baby.
DH thinks we are doing ferber/ CIO when DD reaches 6 months. I keep laughing at him.
Pretty much the only thing I wanted in our pedi was that he wouldn't tell us to CIO! He asked every appoint about sleep and no matter what my response he was supportive and told us many of his patients saw improvement as baby got older, I could have kissed him. Sleep was pretty terrible in this house off and on from 4 months with 9 being the absolute worst. We did have plans to "sleep train" through gentle night weaning at a year, but she started STTN right around then on her own. We also nursed to sleep until she weaned between 15 and 16 months. When it became clear she was weaning we started a combo of shush and pat and modified Sleep Lady Shuffle and in less than 2 weeks she was going down awake like she'd been doing it her whole life. For some reason people seem to think there's something wrong with a baby that doesn't STTN and that crying is the only answer, but like with all parenting if it isn't for you there are always other options
This link is a little more anti-CIO than I am - I don't judge others for doing it, but it was my favorite go-to whenever I questioned the nursing to sleep aspect of our routine: http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/comfortnursing.html
agreed. do what is right for you and your baby. Crying to the point of vomiting is just not ok for me. We do let her cry when she tantrums until she has been quiet for like 5 or 10 secs straight and then go to her and talk about it. (I know, not sleep training, but still not letting her cry to vomitting).
I think you are on the right track
As a person who has no problem with CIO, I still think that, if you are not comfortable with it, then you definitely should not be pressured into doing it. I really don't think there is any one right way to get a child to sleep! It's all about what works for the family. I don't know why people try to pressure others into doing CIO - ridiculous. I agree with pp about looking for a new pedi - you need someone who aligns more with your beliefs.
As far as falling asleep at the breast, I don't see what the problem is if it is working for you guys. If you decide to try to change that in the future, I will share that I broke DD of that by nursing her in my room. She would fall asleep, but then wake up a bit as I walked across the house to put her in her crib. So she would still be super drowsy, but a little awake.
Yes, sounds like what your pedi said really upset you, and I don't feel like the person you trust with your child's health should make you feel that way. Do what your mommy instincts tell you.
I used to nurse Nolan to sleep. It worked for a while and he had been sleeping through the night since 3 months, but started becoming a problem around the 6 month mark. He would nurse, fall asleep, I'd lay him down and he's wake up and cry. So I'd try rocking him, he'd start to fall asleep, he'd wake up, etc. etc. etc. Until I'd cave and just comfort nurse him and after an hour/hour and a half, he'd finally crash. When we were ready for Ferber, around 8 months old, we decided to change our bedtime routine and I'd nurse him on the couch (just like MIT mentioned about change of scenery). Then I'd take him in and rock him a little and sing, then put him in the crib. The first night, he didn't fuss at all. Which was crazy. The second night, he cried for a minute, I went in and did the "Shhhh, shhhh, shhhh" thing, rubbed his belly, left the room, he cried a little more, went back in after 2 minutes, rubbed belly and left....after the second visit he was quiet. Again, I thought "It can't be this easy." Night 3 took only one visit after a couple of minutes. Next couple of nights there was no fussing. There was one more night where he fussed a little, and then after that he was sleeping through the night. Very awesome.
I had read the No Cry Sleep Solution, and probably would've implemented it if the above hadn't worked for us. Some children have an easier time than others. My sister followed Ferber to a T and it took at least a week with both her boys. She couldn't believe how quickly Nolan had responded.
Anyways, you don't have to do everything your pedi says. Most importantly your pedi should support what YOU believe for YOUR child. Good luck! Keep us updated!
In some defense of the pediatrician's office, this is one doctor we hated right from the start - he's the one who botched C's circumcision, making us have to stay an extra 5 hours to wait for the bleeding to stop, and who we've tried to avoid so far at appointments. The other doctors and the nurse have been getter, so I'm not in a rush to change, even with the disappointing results of today's appointment.
Thanks for the support. I plan to go forward with the no-cry sleep solution, letting my baby scream just isn't something I'm ok with, no matter how many physicians in the practice may say so...
My Wedding Bio! Not updated in a LONG time!
I would not let your pedi pressure you into CIO (and I used CIO) if you are not comfortable with it. If it were me I would also look for a new pedi if I felt like they were not listening to my concerns or opinions on a matter, or just brushing me off like yours did when you brought up the book you were reading. We actually did switch pedis when Grace was 2 months old because her first doctor and I did not agree on a vaccination schedule I was comfortable with and she also told me to let my 2 month old CIO (I have no problem with CIO just not at 2 months old). You guys have the final say in what is right for your family, don't feel pressured to do CIO if you are not comfortable with it even if your pedi says you should.
First, your doctor is a jackass. I think if mine were like I would seek a new one but that is me. We had a conversation at BFing group the other night about doctors pushing parents to do something they don't want to or believe in. Most of us just said that we fib to the doctor and said that yes we do whatever they want us to do...but I wouldn't fib about this one. (I fib about giving vitamin drops, one girl said she fibs about waking her daughter to feed because she thinks the doctor is wrong...her baby is 2 months old.).
Second, I've never let Abe CIO. We read a lot about it and it just isn't my parenting style. I let him, still, fall asleep at the breast and put him down. It took a long time but he is STTN a good chunk of the time now. I read the NCSS and took some of the techniques from it and thought it was interesting. I don't think it helped us a whole lot but I wasn't persistent with the techniques.
If you need support I'm here as an anti CIO parent!!