I'm from England, came over to the US last July to get married. Last couple months have been really bad for me homesickness-wise - probably because I'd never spent Christmas away from my family - but also I've got past that 'glad to be rid of the drama' thing (my mum and I were, well in her eyes, very close, in my eyes, suffocatingly so for a long time, and I did need a break from that).
Really I'm just putting this out there because I know some of you have probably dealt with this at some point (and may still be dealing with it) and I'm wondering what you do to help it.
It's probably worse for me right now because I only just got my employment authorisation (been trying to apply for a ssn for nearly a month now, they just decided to send it off so it may be another six weeks) so I've mainly been sitting home looking after the animals, and although I'm social and get on really well with the neighbours, H works swings so I'm lonely much of the time. Of course, now I can really get on with the job hunt, I know that will help a bit.
I do talk to my family on the phone often (have an awesome landline plan) but it doesn't seem to help much. It's not something I want to bring up with H too much because I don't want him to think I regret being here - I don't - I just miss family, friends, and the England I'm pretty sure I took for granted while I was there.
Any experiences/suggestions/thoughts welcomed ![]()
Re: Homesickness...
The best things to do to help yourself are first to get out of the house. I know you've said you are friendly with the neighbors and that you can't work yet, but join a club related to something you are interested in and maybe give you something to do while your H is working. That is a great way to make friends and depending on how urban of an area you live in meetup.com is a great place to find them.
Second thing to help you stop longing for all things British is to find American things that you like. For example, if the thought of a good old fashioned English scone makes you wish you were home, try something American, like a bagel or a muffin. I think you'll find that you can either find things in the USA that are similar to what you were used to in England or find good substitutions. Probably not for everything, but for many anyway.
And lastly just hang in there and know that all of us here can relate to how you feel and feel free to come here for consolation. Homesickness will come and go and hopefully it will come less frequently as time goes on. *hugs*
Thank you for your kind words. We live kind of in the sticks right now (he moved from the ghetto knowing he didn't want to work nights with me home alone there) and we're a one car family until I'm earning enough to cover a car payment. I like the club idea and I'll have a look for something like that I can do.
Food substitutions is an interesting one. I just ran out of PG Tips tea, need to find one I like that I can buy here because I missed tea for a long while (my mum sent us a care package type thing with cadbury's chocolate, bisto gravy powder and teabags).
He'll go to mids once I get a job (because most likely I'll be on days/have to be for the car situation) and he doesn't want to do days. I'm a little worried as to how much time we'll be able to spend together (which seems minimal right now even) but we'll figure it out as many other couples have.
Thank you again... its really nice to talk to people (and know there are people here) who understand. H is the nomad type, grew up on bases around Europe... still gets the four year itch. Not sure he could properly relate.
I seriously think my local grocery store has PG Tips. (I'm in Chicago now btw). I'll take a look tomorrow when I'm there. I can hook you up if it's true. A lot cheaper to ship to you then from England! We actually have a little British section on the end cap of one of the aisles.
But it's also good to branch out on stuff. (I get missing things though!) You should try Mighty Leaf Tea you can find it at Whole Foods or Amazon. I love the Passion and Tropical flavors. I never thought I would branch out from my plain green tea.
As far of the other parts of homesickness. It sucks. I was housebound a lot and my DH worked odd shifts too. It was hard to meet people my age who spoke English too.
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I completely agree about finding a few new American foods that you like. I'm an American living in the UK, and after being here for about 8 months I've really grown fond of a lot of British food :-) But I still like to have my "American food fix" every now and then through care packages.
Clubs are a good way to meet people, and so is volunteering at a local charity. Not having a car might make things difficult (especially in the States where it can be difficult to walk/bike places). Is there any possibility of you dropping your husband off at work, then picking him up at the end of his shift so you can use the car?
Avion made a good suggestion with dropping your husband off and picking him up again. That might give you the freedom to join clubs that you're interested in. If that's not possible, then maybe you can see what kinds of things your neighbors are involved in and hitch a ride with them. Or find a local club that interests you and then see if someone lives relatively close and can give you a lift.
If you got to the US and July and it's now early Feb, then in my experience that puts you right in the midst of the worst homesickness. Mine was never worse than the first year I was here between Jan-March (I got here in August that year). Back then I lived with a host family, and my friends lived in neighboring cities, so it wasn't very easy to visit them. The second year I came, I threw myself into activities because I was so scared it would end up being like the first year, and it turned out to be one of the best years of my life. That is why I can only re-emphasize what all the other women have said -- get involved in the community through clubs or volunteering no matter what it takes. Get a ride with the neighbors or someone from the organization you want to be in, see if you can borrow a neighbor's car, drop your husband off at work so you can use yours, etc. Make it work and in the end I think you'll be thankful you did.
Good luck and feel free to come here and vent if you're looking for commiseration. I think we've all been through the homesickness phase, but it does get better!
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PPs have made good points, but I wanted to emphasize how true it is that homesickness comes and goes and the hardest bout for most is after 6 months or so. Around that time I started missing people, food (food especially! I would wax on poetically about Chipotle for hours), and cultural customs so very much. Now, having been here 3 and a half years I can say that I still experience homesickness, but not as often and (usually) not as bad as those early months. I guess I'm just hoping you'll see that after a while it will get better if you do what PPs have suggested. One of the worst things is sitting at home all day, especially if your H works random/long hours like mine.
Good luck and don't be afraid to put yourself out there! I also think the suggestion of driving your H to work so you can have the car is a good one.
Oh, and stick around, we are always happy to have new people on the board!
I agree with everything everyone has said. I hit a hard point about 6 months after we moved here, now we've been here for 6 years and are considering staying semi-permanently. Holidays can be hard for sure.
I agree that finding things you really like in the states is fun. I whine a lot about missing Triscuits and Goldfish crackers, but I really do love oatcakes. And I am finally coming around to agreeing that Cadbury's chocolate might be just as yummy as Hershey's (although I'm still loyal to Hershey's kisses!). I still get care packages from family :-)
What about volunteering? Having any sort of schedule is really helpful. I wasn't working when we first moved here and it was really hard - DH was gone all day and I was just trying to figure everything out on my own. I know how hard it is without a car in the states, so even if you could have the car a couple days a week I think it would help a lot.
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Oh man do I miss Triscuits. And Wheat Thins. I tried explaining to my British friends what a "wheat thin" is, and basically ended up with, "Well, it's like, Ryvita, except with flavor!" But I do love Jaffa cakes, and digestive biscuits, and sausage and mash, and....well, lots of stuff! I do miss Root Beer though! I think we're going to have our parents send us the root beer syrup for our soda stream so we can make our own :-)
I've been in London for 7-1/2 years so it's been a while since I got homesick, but the ladies have definitely given you a few good ideas. Meetup.com is a great way to find groups - hoping they have something you can find. Work will be an amazing help. My DH does make us bring tea when we visit so I can understand the tea thing. Hope you start feeling a bit better soon!
Whole Foods has a reasonable British imports section, which includes Cadbury's Fingers, Penguins, hob nobs, several digestive biscuits options, etc. PG Tips tea too!
They also stock PJ Tips at Giant Eagle and Meijer, two Mid-West grocery chains, so there are some options there.
the pps gave great advice
all I can really say is - hold in there
its tough to adjust for sure - it took me a good year in London before I felt 'happy' and had made a few friends.
I agree that you should get out there- join a club, or a gym or anything - just as an excuse to meet people!
but you know, I don't think homesickness ever 100% goes away. I've been overseas for 10 years now and I have felt really homesick this week
not for the place, but for the people - its just hard having an int'l relationship you know? but at least it gets easier with time to deal with it and skype sure does help!!!
The animals have been keeping me busy today (making loads of messes for me to clean up!) so I'm sorry I wasn't about to respond earlier.
Thank you so much, everyone. This board interests me a lot because of all the different people in different places. It takes an awful lot to up and move to a completely new place, and I didn't think I had it in me until I met H.
Thank you for all the great advice, I'll definitely be looking into it. The neighbours love me so much (I guess its the accent?
) they're always trying to get me out of the house even if its just to walk the dog with some company. I'm really lucky to have them around. Money's too tight right now to drive him to work (he has an hour commute) but he always tries hard to make sure I get out at least once during the weekend, even if its just to pick up groceries.