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Pity party (anyone want to join?)
I didn't want to hijack the homesickness post, but I've been feeling a bit down myself lately, so I'll have a little pity party if no one minds. You're all welcome to post sympathy, get-over-its, or your own pity party.
Cliff notes: All my friends have moved away and DH is working a lot.
Unabridged version:
Until about 2 years ago I had a great circle of friends and a support system here. 2 years ago, I got my MA, and the friends I had made in my program also started graduating (you can graduate pretty much whenever here. It doesn't have to coincide with the end of a semester), and one by one they moved away for jobs. A good year ago, the last one of my close friends from my MA program moved away. I still had a couple of close friends in Bible study, though. I didn't see them as often because they were all just a bit ahead of us with families and had babies and toddlers at home, so they were busy, but we would still see each other occasionally and I could go over for an afternoon and hang out. In the last 7 months, though, 3 of the families, including all 3 of the women I was closest to, moved away.
The only other friends I have here are a couple of American girls who work where I do teaching English, but none of them are married or have children, so they're in a different life stage and tend to plan things at times or places that are inconvenient for me.
At least I still had DH, though, until a work project started consuming him to the point that several times in the last few weeks he has come home between 11pm and 1am and left again at 6am. On the "good days" he's home at 7pm so he can see DD for 30 min before she goes to bed.
I'm kind of feeling all alone, and I don't want to make the effort to get involved in new things right now because we'll be heading to the States for 5 months starting in April, so it seems like it wouldn't be worth it. :-( Now I'm just counting down the days until DH has paternity leave (42) because then I'll have him around during the day and can go out for coffee with the American friends every once in a while.
Sorry that was so long. Thanks if you made it all the way through.
Re: Pity party (anyone want to join?)
Let's throw a pity party together! I've got balloons and food. Food is most important though.
I'm sorry you're feeling so down. One on point, I can totally relate. DH is never, ever home before 8pm...well, maybe once in a blue moon, but it's so rare. He also usually gets caught up in his work and forgets to call and let me know he's going to be late (well, later than usual). So, I spend all day with DD alone (sometimes I go out, but we are strapped for cash and I'm trying to figure out DD's nap schedule) and by the end of the day I'm exhausted and just wanting him back here. Some days he doesn't even get to hold DD at all because he leaves before we wake up and is home after she's asleep.
My own pity party stems from the fact that I am sick. I have a stupid head cold and since I'm nursing I'm trying to rest as much as possible. Yesterday morning I felt a bit better, but this morning I feel awful again. I had to cancel the english classes I teach in the afternoon because I felt too sick to leave the house for long.
To top off being sick, DD is getting more wiggly and cranky which means when she starts crying for what seems like no reason and I go to pick her up she fights me with all her strength. There's lots of kicking involved. I get so frustrated when she starts screaming and at one point last night I was so flustered I had to put her down while she was screaming and walk away for a moment. It was not my greatest moment, but I was seriously freaking out. Don't judge!
I also want to get out of the house tomorrow night to have girl time, but since I'm sick I may end up cancelling and staying home to sleep while H watches DD. Ugh, I am just so sick of being sick, having a fussy baby, and not being able to go anywhere due to being sick. I don't even have the energy to walk the dogs and had to beg a favor of the ILs the other day.
Okay, my pity party is not as legit as yours, but I am wallowing in self-pity for just a little bit. Maybe it'll make me feel better.
OH, and I want to plan a trip back to the states in March, but we have to wait until we know if we are moving to Frankfurt. Well, turns out what we thought was H's last interview was not the final one and the final one is going to be on February 14! That means it's still two weeks+ until I know if we are moving and if I can go back to the US. I would really like to move, but I'll be honest, I'd be very sad if I couldn't go back in March, especially since my sister's newest baby is due around that time.
I'll join.
I've been down and homesick lately. My mother is having surgery tomorrow, and I kept asking if she wanted me to come home to help, hinting that I wanted to come home, but she kept turning me down. And she told me that my grandfather was diagnosed with lung cancer, and he is not a good candidate for radiation, surgery, or chemotherapy. Plus, his new wife (not my grandmother) is deliberately keeping information regarding his health from his children and grandchildren, despite our requests for information.
I have been here a year, and made a few acquaintances, but no real friends. The one friend I knew before I moved here is recovering from brain surgery, and can really only have visitors for 10 -15 minutes at a time. I understand that, and I appreciate it, but I miss having people other than DH to do things with.
I lost my job just 91 days after I was hired, and I am having trouble finding a new one. It's time for my annual health check-ups and I am scared about finding new doctors and dentists. I have had the same doctors since I was 12 and I am really scared about finding new ones, coming from such history.
I know, I'm not helping. I'm just adding to the downer post. I should just get over it all. But tonight all I want to do is wallow in self-pity.
I have wine, camembert, and really good wafer crackers if anyone wants to come by my house.
I'm sensing a theme. Someone chipper better come along and give us all a swift kick in the rear.
I'm really sorry you're having such a rough time with your family back home. Hugs to you!
I'll be stopping by for that wine and cheese for sure. Chocolate is also a must.
Hello!
LadyMadrid: I guess then we should postpone the GTG. I am sorry you are feeling sick. I know a lot of people who have been under the weather the last few weeks. At least, you have an excuse to stay indoors today. It is freezing outside.
Pity Party: I am having trouble sleeping at night. I feel nervous and stressed and I feel so much pressure to fall asleep. And I try not to move a lot because I dont want to wake up DH. I ended up watch STC last night for two hours.
I hope I dont end up with insommnia but I only slept like 3 hours last night and I still have a full day of work today.
You wanna know my pathetic whinge? All I want is queso. So much that I had a dream about it the other night. I've been thinking how can I get my hands on the correct cheese to make queso. I know its a craving and theres no way I'm going to get what I want anytime soon. Maybe at Christmas time when we go home, but damn that's 11 months away.
I'll also add, I miss talking to my MIL. I know it sounds weird but ever since she's been with this new guy. He takes all her free time. She's too kind to say he's smothering her. (I know she thinks this because occasionally she writes it in her email.) The last time we talked with her was 2 weeks ago. She doesn't email like she use to in the past. I'm happy that she's found a companion but I really don't like the guy. I'm also upset that she's become that person that dropped everything for a guy.
Thank you Kelly for your kind words! I know it doesn't mean I'm a bad mom when I get overly frustrated and have to take a breather, but for some reason it feels like I am. Always good to hear though. I wish we lived closer so we could meet up while our H's are off working!
Also, a good update: MIL just called to see how I was doing and when I said I felt awful se offered to bring me some lunch and FIL to walk the dogs. I feel a bit happier already.
brainie: I can't imagine 6 weeks with pneumonia! That really sucks. I hope it gets better soon.
My pity party is a long one.
As mentioned before, I moved here when I was 2 months pregnant. I had a real hard time getting pregnant and moving here pregnant meant (for me) that I was not in any mood to learn the language, meet new people, try new foods, etc. I just wanted to get an apartment, figure out the health care system and be on my way.
I had W in Nov. 2010. For his first birthday, my parents came to visit and it was with that visit that I realized that first started to feel sort of like myself again. I had a bad recovery with the pregnancy and their visit was the first time my H and I were able to get a date night.
My H works a lot. He's rarely home early and he has a lot of work travel. The most was throughout September and October he was gone about 6 weeks.
I have one American friend here and she is moving back to the states soon. I have three or so German friends, but not really close with them.
One of my NY's resolutions was to try to take German classes and meet new people. I was feeling more confident in motherhood as a whole, we had a lot of travel lined up for 2012, and the possibility to move to Dubai was coming up. I was pretty excited for things coming up and our lives as expats.
Then I found out I was pregnant again - yay! But, all my motivation for those things is pretty out the window. I don't want to sign up for German classes because I have no concentration (and I'm tired ALL the time) and we cancelled our travel for 2012 (hate traveling pregnant) and I can't even think about moving to Dubai. Instead, I want to move back to the states to be closer to family and friends with kids W's age. This is hard for me as I wanted to be an expat for a while before moving back. But, now all I want is to move back.
My H was offered a job in the states before we found out I was pregnant and he, of course, turned it down. The offerer is a good friend and it was still on the table when we found out. The problem is the start date wouldn't be until the around the time the baby comes and I don't want to move until the baby's a few months old. The H has been offered a job in this town before, but we really have had no desire to live there (it's a really small town), so I'm not sure if my desire to live there is more because I'm pregnant and want to leave Germany - or if I just want to get back to the states.
So, we're staying put and I talked to my H a few days ago about finding ways to not have to travel so much this year and he reassured me that he'll do his best. Then yesterday he came home and will be working on a new project that is based in another country and while we won't be moving there, he'll need to travel there with some frequency. At least for the next 6 months - yikes.
This all said, I'm a bit lonely for friends. Especially the ones that really get me. I've tried to join the local women's club, but they're a mess. I will probably try again, but even still their meetings and events aren't planned in my city.
Then, I don't know what I'm going to do once the baby comes and labor starts. Everyone we know works. So, not sure who will watch W. I need my H there with me because of language barrier (he's not so fluent in German, but we managed last time with a non-english speaking midwife and our translated papers, but it was a comfort to have H there). Plus, if I have anywhere near as difficult a recovery as I did last time - I just don't know. I know things will work out, but right now I'm just not sure how.
And I feel bad for W because he really only has one or two playpals that he rarely sees. He's such a social kid and just has so much fun with other kids, but those playpals of his have other commitments and we just aren't involved in those (have tried, but it hasn't worked out). And, I know this is more a personal problem than anything else, but my not speaking fluent German doesn't help. I find people here (this city specifically, when we travel to other places everyone's a lot friendlier) a bit rude (and everyone I know not originally from here - well, actually even those from this city will say it).
So, that's my story. My contribution to the party.
Oh and I haven't told anyone IRL about my pregnancy so if we're facebook friends please don't mention anything. Thanks.
TTurtle - first off, congratulations on the pregnancy!!! Had you announced on here already and I missed it? Where are you again (you can pm me if you don't want to say on here)? I seem to remember you're too far away from me for me to be of any help, but you never know. I'm a bit south of Stuttgart.
My DH is also thinking of taking a job that involves a lot of travel, but so far I have vetoed that because I could not handle it. I admire you for doing so. Have you thought about hiring a private German tutor so you could fit lessons around your schedule? Maybe the person could come to your house and you can do things that involve W as well, which could lead to you feeling more confident about joining a German playgroup, which would lead to contacts with other moms, etc. Just a thought. I know such things aren't always practical.
Thanks, Kelly. I haven't officially announced it yet. I was waiting a few more weeks. Maybe I'll just announce it tomorrow
. I'll PM you where I live and it is quite a bit north from you.
There is a private tutor who goes to my H's work and tutors him and he's such a nice guy. We've mentioned him coming here and then we've stopped talking about it. I might try it again though because that's really the only way it's going to happen.
I also glanced at what I wrote and that's quite a novel.
It's good that you vetoed your DH's job with travel. I didn't have too much of a choice since I really wanted to move to Germany and knew that meant he would have to travel. It turned out to be more frequently than I thought, but he's tried to do what he can to keep it limited. My dad was in the Air Force so I know I don't have it half as bad as some people. Fortunately my H hasn't traveled since mid-December, but that streak is ending in a couple of weeks with back-to-back trips and his parents coming to visit - ugh. At least his parents visit does mean another date night.
dulcemariamar1 - thank you!
ladymadrid - I found when my son was crying non-stop and nothing else worked something for gas would usually do the trick for us. usually. (I know you weren't asking for advice, but one of my friends told me that and I never would've thought of it myself). and i've definitely walked away from him so that he can just let it all out if needed and i can also let it all out separately. And I understand the frustrations with waiting to find out about a move and not being able to confirm other things until that's figured out. I feel like I play so many waiting games and then end up doing nothing.