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Days before deployment.... (question)
So DH's unit is scheduled to deploy here in a few months. I'm trying to figure out my travel plans (I'm going home for the deployment to have baby) and I'm wondering if anyone could tell me how the days are leading up to the deployment. Are they crazy busy with him spending most of his time on base getting ready or are they more relaxed (as much as relaxed as the days before a deployment can be) where work will be low key and he will mainly be home? If it helps any.. DH is a lowly enlisted grunt. He doesn't have any large responsibilities other than packing his crap and getting on the plane when the CO says.
For example.....
Let's say that pre deployment leave is from May 6-20th. They have given us a flight window for them leaving from May 25-June 3rd. I am due to have baby on June 15th.
We are going to spend our predeployment leave in our hometown (a 13 hour drive).
Would you
A. Plan to stay behind in hometown on the 20th and say goodbye to DH from there. It prevents me from having to make a 13 hour drive twice in a few weeks (being between 36-38 weeks pregnant); but it is possible I could go into birth early and he wouldn't be there (if I went home with him he would be there then... it is a long shot but something I am concerned about) and I miss out on the last few days of being with him before he leaves.
B. Drive back with DH on the 20th, hang out with him until he leaves, then make the 14 hour drive back to hometown at about 38 weeks pregnant. The pro's are that I get to spend those last couple days/weeks with him before he leaves and if I go into birth early he will get to be there. The cons are that I am making that drive again and if the last week before a deployment is spent with him mainly on base preparing... will it even be worth the effort since he will be soo busy?
Sorry this is so long... I was trying to make sure I properly explained myself.
Re: Days before deployment.... (question)
We've experienced both ways in the days leading up to deployment. Mine was really hectic, Joe's last was pretty hectic, but this current one he had more time on his hands.
In your shoes, I would do option A.
From my experience, getting ready for a deployment is craziness and long hours.
I get the desire for option B, but option A would probably be a better choice. And that is not to say I would choose option A.
Thanks for the input. I guess I know in my heart that option A is the more responsible choice (especially being sooo pregnant), I guess I was just trying to find a way around it.
::reminds self:: "must be a responsible parent, must be a responsible parent, baby's needs before mine, baby's needs before mine."
We haven't had any kids, so I'm not sure how that consideration might change my perspective, but I'd stay with your DH until he flies out. The timing is so indeterminate that while he might be on the first flight out, he might also be on the last flight out. I just can't see wanting to miss out on that last week or two. I'd really kick myself if he ended up being on one of the later flights...
DH's schedule prior to the deployments was wacky, but he did have time to spend some of it with me. It was emotionally tough, certainly, but I wouldn't have given it up.
Then again, being that pregnant, I don't know how doable a 13-14 hour drive would be. (as an aside - is there at MTF near "home"? or have you looked at switching to standard instead of prime?) I can certainly handle that type of drive on my own now, not-pregnant, but I have to imagine that it would be pretty rough late in the third trimester... Is there anyone that could help you with the drive?
As another thought - have you spoken with your doctor about that travel at that time period? The doctor might have the best recommendation to give you...
I have everything switched to Standard and already have an OB at home so I'm good to go there. I haven't talked to the Dr. yet since we just got word this week about everything being pushed up. I'm pretty sure they will tell me it isn't a good idea to travel that late in pregnancy (especially if I picked option
. I can have someone that will do the drive with my but my fear, as well as theirs I'm sure, will be that I go into labor 1/2 way into the drive and I'm now 7 hours either way from an OB/hospital that I'm familiar with to give birth.
I would love to spend that last week 1/2 with him, but I think I have realized (thanks ladies) that it isn't worth it for the sake of my health with this pregnancy.
Really? Even if he would only be home for a week and then you would have to drive 14 hours back home 38 weeks pregnant?
I'm not judging you I'm honestly asking to see if there is some reason that I'm not thinking of that would sway me in the direction of choosing option B.
TTC#1 since 12/2010- 12/2011 Hyperthyroid with Grave's
DX 10/2012 Unexplained IF
IUI #2- 4/25/13- BFP 5/9/13- CP
IUI#4- 9/3/13- BFP 9/17/13- Due Date 05/27/14
First ultrasound 10/8/13- 7weeks 130bpm
I don't think there will be any airline in the world that will let me fly 38-39 weeks pregnant
I know it's tough, but I would go with option A.
WIth pregnancy, you never know what may happen. Just before 36 weeks I went to an OB appointment (I was being monitored by a MFM specialist), and ended up being unexpectantly sent to L&D right away to be induced. I had low amniotic fluid.
Yep. I couldn't imagine not being at the send off if I could. The thought of my husband not having anyone there breaks my heart. I almost didn't come back with my husband for other reasons & I know I would've regretted it forever. If you're worried about going into labor then ask someone to ride with you.
My husband went into work for accountability in the morning then was sent home for the last month he was here. That's a lot of time to potentially miss.
That is something that I was thinking about. I guess I will just give him the 2 scenarios and see which one that would make him feel the most comfortable. He will be going through more stress then me at that time, so whatever I can do to make it easier for him.
For H's unit, the sendoff was just a bunch of craziness. Yes, I got to hang out with him a little bit, but mostly he was getting his weapon, squaring away his Marines, his bags, etc. I didn't need to be there, not really. We could have easily said our goodbyes prior. But we live twenty minutes away, I know lots of good jokes to pass the time, and he didn't have to get a ride. Lots of the senior enlisted spouses did not come, and that was just to get their kids to school on time the next day, not because they were 8 weeks pregnant. There were a lot of first timers who didn't have anyone there with them, and I actually think that was better, because they didn't have to deal with a crying wife or anything like that. They were just super motivated and excited to leave. Way more so than the stressed out kids with pregnant spouses/teary moms.
I would absolutely pick Option A. What if something happens on that drive?
ETA: Ignore the weird font, I just had to C&P an infinity symbol.
Currently I would pick Option B hands down. One of the main reasons I did this PCS myself was so that I could be there with H the whole time before leaving for deployment, instead of moving me here first and him going back. I also don't have kids right now and I'm not pregnant, but I'm pretty sure I would still want to do Option B. I would probably look into flying my mom or someone out to make the drive with me after he left just in case something happened.
I will say though that Option A is definitely the smarter and more sensible choice. I'm just selfish when it comes to the time before he leaves, and he is too.
Personally for me its option A. We actually did this the one and only time E deployed. I said good bye at the terminal in the local airport a month before he left. He called me the night they left Camp P. I was in the midst of finals and couldn't drive the 6 hours to say good bye. Same thing happened when he came home. Midst of big projects at school and it just wasn't an option. We had our "home coming" a month later.
It's important for you and your H to make this decision together. What is best for the two of you and your baby are only decisions you can make.
If I was personally in your situation, I would really want to choose option B. However, if you have already made the decision to go "home" to have the baby, and you're going to be there with in range of having a full term baby, there is not a reason to endanger you/ your baby by making those long drives and risk giving birth in a car in the middle of no where.
Why don't you go back with him say goodbye, stay and have the baby on base, then make the drive with the newborn to live with your parents while your husband is deployed? Is there a family member that would come with you to ensure that even after your husband left you had a way to get to the hospital and potentially drive home with you?
Hey,
He may have some time...but his date could get pushed back or forward. I would be careful travelling that far so pregnant. I know when my honey was deploying, we did our goodbyes (we live 5 hours apart) and he ended up not leaving for another week after the scheduled date.We just left our goodbyes at that point as I had taken alot of time off at that point.
Deployments are difficult all around and I hope your husband gets through it safely and quickly. Good luck with your baby and be careful whichever way you choose. You also don't want your husband stressing your travel while you are still pregnant and you are unable to reach him or he can call you. It happens-after my honey's r&r I didn't hear from him for a week as he was stuck on the way and then communication was cut off at his base due to losses.
Alanna