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Vent - my idiot XBF (long)
I dated a guy for about a year, that ended about a year and a half ago (ish). Over this time, I loaned him LOTS of money. I was in a stupid, co-dependent place after my divorce, and he was my project. He was going through a messy divorce, was trying to get full custody, and was drinking too much. He played the kid card on me way too many times..."I need money for the electric bill or they'll cute the power off (3 kids, Texas, July" or "I can't afford groceries this week for the kids. Guess they'll be eating plain hotdogs all week unless..."
I'm not proud of myself for any of this. Red flags all over the place. That said, I finally realized what he was doing and broke it off. Recently, money has been a bit tighter for me, so I decided to finally ask if he would repay any of these "loans" that he always promised to repay. I decided to give it one shot, then let it go. It's enough money that it's worth it to at least try (well more than my first car cost). So I wrote a polite, but to the point email and sent it to him, asking for repayment of the loans. I was expecting no response to be honest. What I got was way worse. He said that he doesn't know what I'm talking about, and asking if this is real. Are you f-ing kidding me?? Do you not remember me paying your rent, or electric bill, or lawyer, or bailbondsman, or feeding your kids?? Not to mention the stuff that I didn't ask for...the furniture I gave him, the bunk beds I bought his kids, all the kitchen stuff I bought, linens I gave him, etc. No memory of any of that? I'm furious right now. I would rather have been ignored, or gotten an f-off response than this.
So now I have to calm down first, then send an email back detailing all of the money. I kept a list. Maybe I should add on the bottles of Malibu and 99 Bananas that he drank and filled back up with water. Grrr.
Vent over. Thanks for listening. Please forgive any typos...I was angry typing 
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Re: Vent - my idiot XBF (long)
Once I send him the list, I'm hoping to get something in the email back from him saying that he will pay or whatever. Then I can decide if it's worth taking to court or not. It's probably not for the time that it would take, and the strain that it would put on both of us. I can survive without the money, but I would like to get it back if I can.
In other words you were in a relationship for a year and often paid for things that your SO needed. You didn't loan him lumps of money for big ticket items.
You're not going to recoup the costs for dinners in court, period. If you were living there and contributed to his utility bills, you won't get that back either. Picking up groceries or paying for things that, if he had the money, he would have paid for your half of, isn't going to hold up anywhere.
It sounds like you dated a douche who saw you as a meal ticket while he got drunk. I'd drop it and focus on never doing something like this again.
I really dont think he is going to pay, especially since you have no real records. My XH owes me $4k plus interest. Our agreement was verbal and written down (but with no lawyer). I realize he will NEVER give me that money. Once you realize it, its easier to forget and move on so you dont have to think of it or him. For me, at least I know that I have a clear conscience and he does not.
Some of the smaller things were that way, but the larger things was "Can I borrow $x for rent? I'll pay you back Friday" then I'd get maybe 80% back. He knew he needed to pay it back. Sometimes her would say that he would pay me back with a huge diamond one day (yeah, right). Once of the last times we talked, sitting on his sofa at his house after work one day, was "You realize that you owe me about $y, right?" and he responded with "yeah. you want me to pull it out of my account right now? That's all the money I have left" so of course, pushover that I am, I said no at the time. I couldn't take all the money he had to feed his kids.
Like I said originally, I'm trying it once, then letting it go. And in a response I said it's probably not worth taking to court, even if I can get him to admit it in writing that he owes it. I'm not asking for the expenses when we lived together. More the rent, lawyer fees, and bail bonds that I paid. I waited this long to ask because he wasn't working from about 3 months before we ended it up until a few months ago. I was waiting for him to get a chance to get a little income before I asked for it.
I fully understand it's my word against his. And I fully understand that there is very little chance that I'll see a dime of it. I was more venting that he can't even acknowledge what I did to help him, but instead I get "I don't know what you're talking about." I would rather have gotten the f-off response.
I was really just venting about that. I've talked to a lawyer (family member) on the legalities, so I understand that. I'm mad at him for being a dbag, and mad at myself for being a co-dependent azzhat back then and just handing over money.
Yeah it sucks but this was all oral and your word against his. If you take him to court you will likely incur more of a deficit in filing fees and missed work days than the money he owes you because you have no proof. I'm sorry.
I once lent an ex BF money with a written agreement. About $800. Of course he turned out to be a totally irresponsible douchebag (It was a rebound from a long term thing). I contacted him about it a few times after we broke up, and he said he would start paying me "soon." Yeah, I'm never going to see that money. Lesson learned.
The point is, you might just want to cut your losses with this one.
You should never loan money you aren't prepared to lose.
I also "loaned" a BF several thousand dollars. He would pay me back "as soon as he got on his feet." Lo and behold, once he was back on his feet, I was a jerk for asking for the money back "too soon." This was a guy who always said he was good for his word, etc. etc. When I broke up with him, he told me he wouldn't give me my money back.
I'm wondering why you contacted this XBF. Surely there are better ways to get money? Budget, get a 2nd job, sell things on ebay....what was behind contacting him?
I think you should just drop it because you aren't going to see a dime. Just be grateful that you didn't have a child with him. Consider it an expensive lesson.
But if you have paperwork from the bail bonds, you might have some luck.
Like I said in a pp, I just wanted to give it one shot. I'm not counting on the money...I know there's a small (if any) chance of getting it. I just thought that it couldn't hurt to at least try. I'm not flat broke, I'm still getting by. I actually have been selling some furniture and other stuff (including a $$ purse my XH gave me). I was prepared to be ignored, or told to f-off. Even though he's my x and a bit of a deadbeat, I never thought that he would be the type to just blow off what I had done for him. That didn't match the personality that I knew. That's all I was venting about really. I'm not trying to re-open the communication, and after I send him the list of what he owes he'll either pay, then I'll cut off communication, or he'll continue to be an azzhat, and I'll cut off communication.