Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
advice is welcomed!
Me and my husband have been together for about 6 years. Just got married in 2009 coming up on 3 years. I know marriage isn't easy but when do you say enough is enough.
Before we got married life was wonderful fights every now and then, but that is with any couple. After we got married I got really sick and had no clue what was going on(this went on for about a year) Then I was told I have IC. During that whole time is put a lot of stress on me and my husband. He would say I was making it up and just to grow up nothing was wrong with me, it's all in my head.........Ok so after I found out I had IC I was put on meds and gain 50 pounds in one year and lost my job during that time too. So it put even more stress on us with money issues! I just got a job in May and have been paying off our credit cards slowly put everything takes time. My husband now talks to me all the time about my weight, how I am a whale and I eat cake every night, how I can't get of my fat a@@ to take out the dog. I do nothing but get fatter and fatter. And how no other man would look at me because I am ugly and huge! As well as that he tells me I cant clean right and I dont know how to keep anything clean I am just a fat pig, and to top it off I am dumb and he asks me if I took the small bus to school.
So I push back and do the name calling too, and I know it's not right. I just dont know what to do anymore. I love him more then anything and I dont know why. He is so nice to me in front of people and they think we are the perfect couple and I try to hold on to that and think that he will be the person I knew 3 years ago.
Please I just dont know what to do anymore.
Re: advice is welcomed!
Being nice to you in front of people and a d*ck behind closed doors is textbook abusive behavior. Leave now.
Out of tangent-style curiosity, what does IC stand for?
You love him more than anything else?
Your views about love are very f'd up!
I dont love who has become, I loved the person he was. and I jsut wish that he would become that person again.
Now the 2nd thing is that I live 3 hours from my mom and dad, should I move back home with them and start over there? I am sure that would be the best thing.
Do I just leave when he isnt home or do when he is home? I am just scared that he would freak out more that I am leaving. I say that because he said the only way to leave is in a body bag.
I have no money, no car, no friends around here, the townhouse is in my name do I just leave all this behind? how do I go about this. I know that the best thing is just to leave.
I made an apt with a lawyer for Friday.
To broccolitree IC stands for Interstitial Cystitis-condition that results in recurring discomfort or pain in the bladder and the surrounding pelvic region,( I pee alot and feel like I have a UTI almost everyday.) It's not fun
Thank You Everyone
THIS.
Are you serious? You need to leave NOW. Do not tell him where you are going, call your parents, take the dog and LEAVE. That is one of the worst comments I have ever read. Call your parents, that is the best option, and the only option.
Leave and go with your parents. Do not tell him that you are even considering doing this under any circumstances. Abuse escalates once your abuser realizes you are leaving. Definitely make arrangements to leave when he is not home.
Make copies of any important documents, especially as they relate to the townhouse. All of that can be settled in mediation but the most important thing right now is that you get to a safe place. Make arrangements for any animals. I would also call the National Domestic Violence hotline. The ladies there are so very nice and they will definitely be able to help you come up with a safe exit plan: 800.799.SAFE (7233). His threat of you leaving in a body bag is VERY real.
Is there any chance that he would search your browsing history? Please be safe and keep us updated!
After your appointment can you find a way to leave? Get on a bus, maybe have your mom or dad come pick you up?
Hell yes I would start from scratch if someone threatened me like that. Please be careful. Don't let him know about your appointment. When you leave just take the most important stuff, paperwork, and get out. Things can be replaced, and the rest can be sorted out with lawyers. I'm scared for you. Please get out.
NOW.
What an abusive jackhole. Get the eff out of there. Take your dog & bail ASAP. You don't deserve to be belittled & insulted every day. You know this.
I'm sorry that this is what marriage has been like for you. That's awful.
Start making copies of important documents (mortgage, lease, car notes, credit cards, loans, bank accounts, etc.). Hide the copies. Call your mom and dad and arrange a time for them to come pick you up and help you bring some of your stuff home. Stay with them until the divorce is sorted out. DON'T tell him you're leaving!!
As for being in love with who he used to be, it sounds like he was hiding his true self from you and now you finally know the true him. The person you used to love is probably gone and wasn't real at all.
Exactly, the person you fell in love with was an act, a sham, a con. Here's the thing about abusers; they are smart enough to know that they can't be jerks all of the time, especially at the beginning of a relationship. If they showed their true selves, then they know no one would ever want to be with them. So they pretend to be something they are not. The man you know now is the real him. The person you fell in love with is not coming back. He was never really there.
This is the person he has always been..., he just pulled the wool over your eyes long enough to get you into a corner.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
I agree with all the PP. You need to get out. Call you parents have them pick you up before your meeting tomorrow with the lawyer and grab the essentials. This way they can take you back to there house after wards.
I would call the domestic abuse hotline asap. They can help you figure a way out if you need it. Please take every ones advice and run for it!
Get out without telling him and stay safe. Call a domestic violence hotline.
Pack up your things, call a cab and take the bus to your parents. Let them know you are coming.
Consider having a friend accompany you. The "leaving in a body bag" comment is not something to take lightly.
Go today.