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Another MIL rant
Feel free to tell me that I'm over reacting and just being extra hormonal.
So MIL drives me insane whenever she visits. She has made it clear a number of times that she feels our house is a piece of crap (its 140 years old but I promise its not falling apart). Whenever she comes she wants a project and if she doesn't feel occupied enough she decides that she is going to clean MY house. She goes shopping when she is here and always comes back with stuff for our house - cleaning products (half of which I already have in a different brand), groceries (stuff that we don't eat), and after they left last time I found that she bought hangers (I have a whole closet full upstairs - just ASK!). Most of the time I hold my tongue but I've expressed to DH multiple times how much this upsets me. Not only do I find it disrespectful, I have to find a space to store all the extra crap she buys.
Today I come home and there is a box from them so I open it up and find inside: a set of sheets and blanket (apparently what I have supplied in the guest bedroom is not adequate), undershirts for DH (they bought him some for XMas that he didn't like and told them that), almonds (WTF?), and small tupperware containers (I have two full sets that I already don't like trying to find space for). I may have over reacted a bit but I seriously opened it up, looked inside and CRIED! I've just had enough and I know that with little one on the way it is just going to get worse. She has already told DH that she thinks we need to tell them the gender - I have threatened DH about how upset I will be if he gives in to her about this. She just makes everything her business and makes everyone feel crap about how they are do things. I just don't know where to go with her from here. I don't think that it is my place to have to talk to her about this stuff but I do think she needs to be made aware about how hurtful her actions are. DH has grown up with it so I don't think it phases him the same way. Thoughts/feelings/suggestions/am I just ungrateful and insane?
Re: Another MIL rant
First, I am sorry you have to deal with this. MILs have the power to be awesome or horrible and it seems such a waste when they choose the horrible. I don't think you're being over-sensitive at all.
Second, I would take all the crap she buys you that you don't use/want and pack it up in a box that goes to the Goodwill or Salvation Army and a Food Bank. No storage issue then and it goes to use by someone who needs it.
Third, I think DH needs to get on board with this. It is not fair to put you in that position. It is HIS mother and he needs to let her know that it is NOT okay to make his wife feel this way. Mother needs to cut the control strings.
I don't know if this helps, but MH and I had a similar issue. It has taken him 4.5 years to recognize that his mother is not so harmless and that her life-long attitudes push her to disrespect me. He has FINALLY started to say things to her (or not say things to her) to help keep her at arms' length more often. And he now chooses my side and feels embarrassed on his mom's behalf for me instead of laughing it off or telling me I'm imagining things and his mom "doesn't mean it." It took 4.5 years for him to get to this point-- with me literally biting my tongue to hold back a lot of my frustration, disappointment, and judgment of her and her ridiculousness. And I think being exposed to my family helped him see how dysfunctional and how many issues his family has.
Hang in there. I'm hoping you and DH will work this out soon-- that baby is going to hopefully bring out DH's protective side of you.
Thank you, I appreciate the outside perspective! Bringing stuff to goodwill is an excellent solution -perfect for my passive aggressive relief.
I'm glad to hear that someone else has been in a similar situation and that your H was finally able to see the other side. That gives me a lot of hope that I don't have to just wait it out 20+ years.
I agree with having DH be the ones to deal. I find it especially weird that she cleans your house and stocks your pantry. Does she think she's butting in or does she think she's helping?
I second Goodwill. You don't need to store the junk she gets you. When you have LO, I suggest keeping an amazon wishlist guiding her on what your LO would like. It hasn't worked for me, but my cousin gets awesome stuff from her ILs from doing teh wishlist.
I think she thinks that she is helping, and if she asked if there was stuff that we wanted and needed it would be one thing. She just does it in a "I know all" way that drives me insane.
Thanks for the amazon wishlist suggestion, I will keep that in mind!
Ugh, I'm sorry! My ILs used to buy things for us and thankfully they've cut back because they finally realized we don't have room for it. My reactions don't help either-- I'm too honest sometimes. They sent us a Christmas wreath for the first year we had our house and my reaction was probably rude (I'm Jewish and am still battling with that holiday).
The ILs also ask for a project every time they come over... when they came when we first had DD, I had to find things for them to do otherwise they wouldn't stop asking. I can be overwhelming!