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What goes on at a divorce hearing? (panicking post)
My "all remaining issues" hearing is Monday. I think the divorce should be done then... I am incredibly nervous, not only because I've never been through this before, but I havent seen X since the last court appearance several months ago.
I'm terrified that he's going to get it 'continued' - that's what he's doing with his criminal case - in order to drain me, and get me to change my mind about the cause under which I filed. I have to fly back for every hearing, and take off work, using PTO, etc. He said he'd accept 'irreconcilable differences', I am doggedly sticking to 'physical/mental abuse'. I want it on record that that is the only reason that our marriage didn't work, i feel like anything else would just let him get off too easily.
Another reason I'm nervous - He's had since August to file his Financial Affidavit and other paperwork, and hasnt. He's not even returning my lawyer's phone calls, I mean he's not responding to the legal channels at all.
I am scared to see him, scared I'll have flown back for nothing - cost me over half what my thailand trip did! And just... scared. I pratically had a meltdown at the old navy checkout last night -
Cashier - Do you have an old navy credit card?
Me - *sniff* no-o
Her - Would you like to apply for one? It only takes about two...
Me- WAAAAAHAHAHA! ::grabs bag and runs bawling from the store::
Can anyone ease my mind about what's going to happen? Tell me that the judge will side with the cute girl who's done her homework over the documented wifebeater? Tell me if it's unreasonable to stick to my guns about him abusing me? Agh...
Thanks!
Re: What goes on at a divorce hearing? (panicking post)
He is probably going to get it continued if he hasn't filed his Financial Affidavit. But as always, each state/judge is different.
Every decision has an emotional cost. Only you can decide if fighting him for the reason of the divorce is worth it.I get it why you want it. My only argument to let the reason go in court is because those who matter to you know the reason.
And be kind to yourself. This is the worst part. Soon the marriage will be over, and that part has it's own pain, no matter if you wanted it or not. But that pain starts to fade, daily. I know is a tired answer, but god it's true.
(((HUGS)))) I hope this all goes fast for you.
I agree with the pps. I know the reason is important to you, but as an abuser he "wins" everytime he gets a rise out of you or does something that prolongs the relationship. Do you want to be tied to him for any longer than you need to based on principle? You don't need a piece of paper telling you that your XH is a batterer (and even if you do, you have hospital records that say it!).
You're not being unreasonable but you might be letting your principles and emotions sway your sense of reason. At the end of the day, what's more important to you--being divorced from him or "winning"? You might already know you'll never "win" in his mind...even after the divorce, he will somehow be a "victim" in all of this. Your best bet, in my opinion, is to cut ties as soon as possible. ((hugs))
I agree with PPs, it doesn't matter what the reason is that the marriage ended. You both know the truth. If he wants to put irreconcilable differences, let him. The quicker you get this over with, the quicker you can move on with your life.
Good luck!
maybe you're right...and if I do cave, I won't feel like a total piece of poop. In the meantime, I've taken this opportunity to depict my STBXH in my favorite medium, MS Paint. It's pretty accurate.