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IL's for the loss...
Long story short? I am so thankful my parent's are amazing, wonderful and supportive. I love my parents!!!
Thanks to all who weighed in, I am glad I am not irrational for being upset by everything!
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Re: IL's for the loss...
I can understand why they weren't able to make it in person. Like you said, things come up. They probably trust that he's in good hands with a loving wife to help take care him.
However, there is NO reason or legitimate excuse for why they haven't called and checked on him by now, 24 hours later. They should've been anxious to hear how it went right after surgery yesterday. It makes it even worse that he contacted them first and they haven't returned his phone call. How hard is it to pick up the phone and call someone? Even in the busiest of times you can take 5 minutes out of your day, especially for your son.
I don't think you're being irrational. They're being stupid. It obviously upsets your H and therefore it upsets you too. Although it doesn't make up for his parents not showing concern, it's nice that your family is.
ETA: I just realized you said his dad did call back, but I agree he should've called today also. Do you think they're waiting for you or your H to check back in with them again? The only thing that crosses my mind is maybe they think he's trying to rest and recuperate.
It sucks that your H's family didn't try harder to check up on him, but at least your parents are checking in. Hopefully he knows that someone cares about him.
My H's family absolutely sucks. No one from his family attended our wedding. No one even called and we didn't get any wedding gifts from them. It bothers him, but my family goes above and beyond to make him feel loved and appreciated.
I agree with giving time to rest and recuperate, but they know my number as well, and I feel like (at least his dad) could have texted, but hasn't.
And I agree that it's great that my family is supportive, but I think that makes it more of an elephant in the room of his family's shortcomings, if that makes sense. I think that's why he is so upset, because he sees how it can be, but isn't with his own, if that makes sense.
That's a good point and yes, it makes sense. I'm sorry you guys are upset and your IL's are being inconsiderate.
Other than this, how is your H doing? My brother has had 2 ACL surgeries and I remember one of the recoveries being pretty rough.
Mega, that really sucks that his family wasn't there for the wedding. Did they have a reason, or do they just fail at being a part of your H's life? Have you guys completely cut them out since then or are you guys still working through it?
(And you can tell me none of my business at any point in time, lol.)
I am so thankful for my family and that they are wonderful and supportive. I just wish he didn't compare my family to his. They are (and never will be) anything alike. I just wish it didn't make him so sad...and I wish I could say that this was the first time something like this had happened throughout his life, but it is not by any stretch...
So far? Honestly it has been miserable. Last night for whatever reason we were both wide awake until about 2 this morning, finally tried to go to sleep (and he finally somewhat did) then around 4:30 the nerve block wore off, and he was in such immense pain.
Called the on-call surgeon, and she prescribed more intense pain killers (including a muscle relaxer) which I drove out to get and get filled early this morning. He is now doing better, and finally sleeping, which is a great thing. Though I feel like tonight I still won't get much sleep due to having to make sure he is taking the meds to keep it at bay.
One day at a time thought, and I believe it definitely could be worse! Thank you for asking
.
Poor guy.
And poor you, too! I hope those pain meds continue to work and he starts feeling better soon.
His grandma and aunt live in TX and aren't in the best of health so making the trip to SC was out of the question for them.(Even though my gma and family made it from RI). His mom lives about 1.5 hours away in an assisted living facility. His cousin lives about 30 mins from there. Cousin promised to pick up H's mom and bring her to our wedding. We called his cousin a few hours before our wedding to get an ETA and his cousin tells us he had to work and wasn't coming!
His family in TX thought this was somehow H's fault. The cousin is the "golden child" because he flies to TX every few months to visit. Cousin lives with his parents and doesn't have bills, so flying across the country is NBD for him. H's gma called and was a total *** to him and called him all sorts of names. H's mom is still mad and blames us too even though cousin dropped the ball big time.
I haven't spoken to anyone in his family but my MIL since then. MIL isn't being all that nice lately, so I try to avoid being in the room when H calls her. H is speaking to his cousin again mostly because that's about all the family he has left.
And that totally turned into a novel!
I can sort of relate and feel for you and your H. For my IL's, well they were there but made everything a worse experience and everything was about them. My MIL was SO bad throughout H's stay in the hospital after the accident that I actually banned her from the hospital for the next 3 surgeries, which were all inpatient. The first 2 we didnt even tell her about until we were home for days and the last one she found out through FIL about half way through the surgery but I was very firm in telling her no visitors were welcome.
Though I must say, even after she found out about each one, she was never concerned with him, but instead it was all about the guilt trip about her not being invited to come there.
Sorry you IL's are crappy to your H. I do know its heartbreaking to them to see their parents treat them bad, no matter what manner it is in. Anytime H express distaste for his p's actions, I cant find nice things to say either so I just say something about how I'll always be there no matter what. Its hard to refrain my own thoughts for them but I know it doesn't do him any good to hear me say it too. I hope your H heals quickly and isn't in a lot of pain.
That really sucks
I am so sorry that you and your H had to go through all of this. And I don't understand how it is your fault at all. It sucks that his family plays favorites, and treats your H poorly. Good luck with them...
I'm pretty much over it. H knows my family is here for him so that helps.
I hope your H has a quick recovery!