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shower etiquette
Two of my very closest friends are throwing a baby shower for me this weekend. I am extremely thankful and am thrilled that they care so much about me to go to all this trouble.
2 questions though:
1. What type of hostess gifts should I give? Both are working moms with busy lives. Also, do I give them their gifts at the end of the shower, after most guest leave? On a different day? Beforehand?
2. While speaking with my sister, she mentioned that she never got an invitation in the mail and I KNOW she was on the guest list. There are several other relatives and friends who are fabulous about RSVPing to events but haven't for the shower. I don't want them to think they weren't invited because they were. How do I handle this situation?
Re: shower etiquette
1) I'd probably give a mani/pedi GC. If you arrive early, I'd do it before guests arrive, if not, after.
2) There's nothing you can do about it now. Your hostesses really dropped the ball. 7-10 days before the shower they should have called guests they hadn't heard from to confirm the guest list, and that's when they could have noticed and corrected whatever happened. But now, hours before the shower, I think it's too late to do anything. If your other relatives really want to shower you, see if your sister will throw a small get-together to give them that opportunity. If all your relatives know about the shower and feelings could be hurt, I'd have your sister make phone calls letting them know about the second shower asap - like this weekend asap. If they knew about this shower, I would absolutely explain that some mistake happened and apologize for it and explain that's why this other event is being held.
FWIW, I find it really curious that a good portion of your guest list didn't receive invites. An individual item could have gone missing, but a whole stack? Are you sure there wasn't some miscommunication with the hostesses and they thought the people weren't supposed to be invited or chose not to invite them? Or that the invites aren't floating around the back of someone's car?
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It could be that there is a stack of invites floating around in the back of a minivan right now. But I would never question the hostess about it. My sister (that didn't get the invite) lives across the country and wasn't able to make it anyways. But I still felt it was important to invite her.
1. Hostess gifts aren't the norm in my circle. I did send a floral arrangement after mine though. I also sent seasonal ones after wedding showers- christmas ornaments, an easter decoration, etc.
2. That is really odd. Was the list more than they intended to have? I've really got nothing and there isn't really anything you can do about it.
As for gifts to give that is up to you - mani/pedi, massage or spa day. It depends on how much you want to spend.
You could call/ email the people who didn't respond. I know some people make a follow up near the date of the RSVP.
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A. I would spend about 15-20...manicure gift certificate, bottle of wine or tasty vodka, vase with flowers, bath and body works stuff, nail polish and hand cream....all these things should just be a nice gesture. I think anytime would be fine!
B. I would just mention, "do you know who RSVPd"...if they say "we never heard from your sister" you can mention that she never recieved it but she probably wouldn't have been able to come anyways. I think there's a lot of neutral talk you can have about who's coming and who's not "did you hear from my Aunt Sandy" without sounding like you don't appreciate their efforts
A. I think even a Thank You note sent later sincerely thanking them for hosting and all their time and effort would be ok. If you can spend a little I certainly think it's a nice gesture. On the Knot I know they are real stickler for this, but in the real world it's not about "a gift for a gift", and that's why it's not common in your circle and that's ok! Flowers the next day at work would be a nice gesture I think!
B. I would just ask the hostesses if they decided to go with a smaller guest list, and if you could get a copy of the revised list so you'll know who else you can include in other showers if it comes up. It could be that your family was already planning one for you and informed the hostesses. In which case your sister probably would have known that, but being far away they might not have called her yet..?