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WWYD with this friend situation?
The background: I'm part of a social club of sorts that gets together every month at least once... there are several events to go to. There are a lot of people who participate, and events can be small like 10 people up to 100 or more. After moving to my town, I had a hard time meeting friends and so this was a great way to do so.
The first friend I made (close to 2 years ago) is someone I've hung out with a lot at events, and several other times outside of them, including meals, and going to each others' houses for different things, just the two of us or small groups.
About a week ago, I noticed in my Facebook feed that she created an event for her birthday and invited a LOT of people, including people who I thought weren't as good friends as me. She didn't invite me. She then made the event private.
A bunch of people went to her birthday event, which was in a local neighborhood and they went to a couple different lounges/restaurants/bars. She then posted on FB something like "I have the best friends! Thanks for making my birthday great!"
I feel like the kid in elementary school who sees someone handing out invitations to everyone but me. I'm 30, but I still feel like crap. What should I do? Say something to her about how it hurt my feelings (somehow this makes me feel like a kid...) or just let the friendship slip away? I'm going to see her in many occasions in the future so I have to be at least cordial.
Thanks in advance.
Re: WWYD with this friend situation?
If you want to see if you can salvage the friendship then definitely say something. If you are going to be seeing her around, if you think maybe there was some kind of misunderstanding, etc, then you'll want to at least clear the air.
But, if you don't want to continue the friendship, think she's an ass for doing that, don't feel you could've done anything wrong, then don't bother. Most likely she isn't going to have a satisfactory answer for you. What she did publicly was totally rude an unnecessarily mean. If she had an issue with you, she should've said something or made sure you wouldn't see that stuff on FB. If I don't want someone to see something on FB, I make sure they don't see it.
I usually think TSD's advice is spot on, but this really doesn't seem like that big of a deal. I don't think you need to DO anything or that you're owed a big apology because someone had a birthday party and didn't invite you. I also don't think people can judge how good of friends someone is with someone else generally.
I guess this is more of a vent. I just feel crappy about it.
The thing about it is that the day before, she emailed me asking me for advice about something I know a lot about. I gave her a little but I just feel like she isn't a good friend like I thought.
I'm just sad that I need to let it go.
I would be a little hurt if I considered someone a pretty good friend and they had a birthday thing big enough to make it a FB event and then didn't invite me. I'd at least be curious at to why. I don't think the girl owes her an apology, but it does seem like it was kind of passive-aggressive at the very least knowing she was going to see it.
Well, you have two options: (1) kick the friend to the curb and have awkward social interactions or (2) recognize that she's probably not as great a friend as you thought she was, keep friendly with her so that when you are bored or need somewhere to go, you can call on her as needed.
Id go with the second option. I wouldn't really get close with her or make her my BFF but if I was desperate to get out of the house and had nobody to call, I'd call her up.
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You are in a large social group, and you must realize you are not going to be invited to every social event all these people throw. Even people you are closer to than others. Does it sting a bit? Sure. But the proper thing to do is to send your friend, whom you presumably care about, a nice bday card, or take her to lunch, or whatever. Would you only send her these things if you made the party list?
It's entirely possible she thought she invited you but missed putting your email on the list; it's entirely possible she invited you and you did not get the invitation. You cannot seriously mean to drop a good friend you care about over a party invitation, that's just silly.
Act like you never saw anything, and call her up and take her to lunch/drop by with a card/whatever.
Tough one... sorry
I don't think I would really say anything about it for now. I don't think I would be overly eager to hang out with her for now but remain friendly. As time passes and you see her and the others who were invited, I'm sure you'll get a better grasp on the situation. In the meantime, think of someone else from the group to ask to lunch or something and pursue a new BFF!
If someone who I thought was a good friend did this, I'd find a gentle way to bring it up that would hopefully not put them on the spot.
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