Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
EDIT: Don't let this happen to you
This weekend will probably go down as one of the worst weekends in my life.
How I found myself in this position doesn't matter, it was a series of lies and deceit and loosing all trust in men completely.
The guy that I had fallen head over heels for got married.
For months I fooled myself into thinking it was all a terrible nightmare that I would eventually wake up from.
I fooled myself into thinking that none of what had happened over the last three years was real, that he hadn't lied to me, lead me on and played me for a complete and utter fool. Even when I found out the truth, I didn't want to believe it. I lived in denial. To some extent I still do.
To face him, and her was painful, to see him happy and content and her oblivious to what he had done.
I lied for him, believed that "he was confused" and kept what happened between us a secret, from our friends and his significant other.
And when she found out, I still lied. He had convinced her that it was all a cyber flirtation and nothing more. I backed him up.
Why?
Because I believed he deserved a chance to make things right and try and make things work with her.
That was a mistake. Everyone in our circle of "friends" blame me. They've forgiven him. They won't even listen to my side of the story.
So he keeps his friends, the love of his life and the happy little life he continues to live in, while I face everyday with the regret of not speaking up when I had the chance, lying and keeping secrets because I truly thought it was the right thing to do.
If you ever find yourself in this position, speak up - the longer you wait the worse off you'll find yourself.
EDIT:
FYI, and I should've mentioned this : I didn't stay with him. The denial was pretending absolutely nothing happened, which included our farce of a relationship.
Re: EDIT: Don't let this happen to you
maybe you need some therapy to work through some of this.
good luck.
so are you saying you were the Other Woman?
I hate to be distracted away from your problem, but i feel like you omitted a lot of the basic facts.
But when you found out you did nothing about it because you were in luv with him, yes?
But then you did know and you stayed with him anyway. It totally DOES matter how you found yourself in this situation. Or it just looks like karma's a b*tch. As far as the friends, people tend to go with the less dramatic of the two situations. He's happily married to this girl and they're an intact couple they can hang with. You "look" like the "other woman" because...you were.
Unless you want to add any details.
While I am sure your situation sucks indeed, it sounds like you did a lot of it yourself. You lied for him even though you knew it was wrong as well, so you need some therapy to focus on your codependency issues that lead you to feel you had to do this for someone.
While it sucks that everyone blames you and forgives him, they have every right to be mad at you, it's just that he should also bear some of their focused anger.
He is an a$$ cuz he lied to you and to the other woman.
You should have ended the relationship once you found out what kind of loser he is. Sorry, don't feel sorry for you if you are going to stay with him when you found out. Should of left right away.
3 out of 4 dead babies agree! pepsi is better than coke! - EdithBouvierBeale
Lordy. Grow some balls and stop lurking. It's like stealing from the internet. Jesuschrist. -- AudreyHorne
I hate love and marriage. I got married so I could destroy these things from the inside. - NoisyPenguin
It's a good thing my circle of trust is as giant as my vagina. That only leaves a couple people out. - Cali
I didn't stay with him, I was living as nothing had ever happened. That our relationship didn't happen. I spoke to him occasionally because i wanted answers, I wanted to know why - and also if he realized we would be at the same function/party, he wanted to make sure there would be no drama.
Yes I did nothing after I found out, but it's not an easy situation to be in and you don't know what the right choice is. Now I know I should've told everyone, but I thought AT THE TIME it was best to let it all blow over quietly.