MOH and out of state wedding...

cnderella83 · February 2012

m the MOH and the wedding shower is 2,000 miles away, where the bride lives. Shower being thrown by the Mother of groom and bridesmaid/sister in law. I spoke to the other bridemaids, 3, all living around the same distance and they all said that they could not make it. Turns out they are all now going. I have several events at work that weekend and I can't justify spending over $500.00 on an airline ticket for 2 days after I just spent over $2,000.00 booking the trip for the wedding.

I am planning to send $100 towards the shower to the mother of the groom to help with shower expenses as well as sending a shower gift for the bride.

Does anyone think this is a problem? Just trying to get a sense of opinions!

I would also like to point out that the bride was my moh and didn't make it to ither of my 2 showers nor did she send a gift or offer to help with anything shower related.

EastCoastBride · February 2012

This is not a problem. A shower is not a "must attend" event, even for the bridal party. It's great that the others are able to make it - this doesn't mean you have to spend a crap load of $$ to now go. You're already spending $2k on the wedding? Wow.... yeah - the shower isn't not a requirement.

doglove · February 2012

I wouldn't go to a wedding shower that was 2000 miles away.

sweetpea200 · February 2012

I wouldn't go.

LilBlkDress1 · February 2012

This is fine, just let her know you can't come, send the gift and she should not have a problem with it

huber22 · February 2012

If she's reasonable, she'll understand.

Wahoo · February 2012

You were asked to be the MOH b/c you are close to the bride, not b/c she expects you to attend every and all parties.

Only one of my out of state bridesmaids came to my shower. Of course I understood! There was no way the ones who missed the shower could have paid for the trip or balanced leaving their young children for the weekend.

Don't go, send a gift and a nice card telling her how much you love her and know how special her wedding will be.

Juris11 · February 2012

I told my BMs upfront that it was fine if they couldn't make it for showers, etc. as long as they were there for the wedding. They all work, and most were out of state. One didn't come to my shower/b party weekend. I missed her, but I wasn't mad or anything. Send her a nice card and I'm sure she will be happy you thought of her.

alithebride · February 2012

if you cant go then you can't go-nothing to discuss.

avbout the $100 that depends. if you're already involved in planning/throwing and are helping to do that then there should be an amount that the others ask you for as the cost may be being split (you'd probably already know this). if you're not helping to plan/throw then the $100 is a very nice help but not necessary.

rubyiu · February 2012

My MOH lived across the country too. She didn't come to my showers. I didn't even send her an invite because I didn't expect it. Her support during the wedding weekend was awesome and I know she'd do the same for me, and not expect crazy amounts of money to be spent.

She didn't send me a shower gift either - I didn't send an invite to make her feel like she had to. I think you're being more than generous. My friend paid for her own plane ticket and dress so that was more than enough!

cjspencer35 · February 2012

It sounds like you are going above and beyond, in effort and expenses, to be part of the bride's special day. Don't feel bad. If you can afford to send a gift and $ to help host, they are lovely gestures that I'm sure would be appreiciated, but shouldn't be expected. Don't put yourself out in order to do so. A reasonable friend wouldn't think a thing of it.

tayylor65 · February 2012

I think it's completely understandable. I never ever would have expected my MOH, or bridesmaids for that matter, to travel for my shower if it was several states away.

I think what you're planning is nice-sending some money to help with the expenses. I think it'd also be nice to send a big arrangement of pretty flowers to the bride (try to have them delivered in the morning) followed by a phone call from you so she knows you're thinking of her on the day.

PunkyBooster · February 2012

Seeing that the bride was your MOH and didn't make it to your shower or send a gift, I'd say it's fine for you to skip out.

SirSleepsALot · February 2012

I'm of 2 minds about it. One, I feel it's a little insane in this economic climate to expect this kind of expenditure from your wedding party. On the other hand, I would probably decline the request to be the MOH if I knew I couldn't afford to fulfill the expected duties. I think skipping the shower is ok, just be really gracious about it. The bride is going to be in her own world about her wedding and that's sort of understandable. Good luck.

live4luv · February 2012

It's too bad you cannot make the bridal shower. However, 2,000 miles is a long ways away. Although it would be nice if at least one or two persons from the wedding party could make it, if you cannot do it you cannot do it. You are very generous, though as it seems. You are dedicating quite a bit to this.

MOH and out of state wedding...

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