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Am I overreacting?
So my brothers in law (there are three and they are all in high school) got into a pretty bad car accident last night. They were coming home from a church activity (so it wasn't like 2 or 3 in the morning...more like 10 or 11pm). They went off the ledge of the road into a ravine (they could have easily died had it not been for a tree breaking their fall, and even then, one of the brothers should have been a lot more hurt than he was, based on what the car looks like now).
Well, DH's mom never called us to let us know what happened. I understand that it was scary at that moment, and that she was up until 4 am, but she posted it on facebook not even an hour ago. I am SO pissed that she didn't call us to tell us first, so we wouldn't have to freak out...(I made DH call her, and we found out that no one has broken bones except for one brother may have a broken rib...the other two boys had concussions.)...
Am I just overreacting? I feel like if DH was that important to his mom that she would have called...my mom did the exact same thing to me with my gpa...I found out on facebook that he was in the hospital and my mom never called me. I had to call her to get info.
ETA: a few word corrections and clarity.
Re: Am I overreacting?
I wish she would call more often. Nay, at all! I mean, I know (or think) she likes to hear from us, but do we really have to be the only ones to call? It makes me want to never call her ever again...
Well if she doesn't call normally than perhaps that's just the way she is? I wouldn't make it any worse by deciding to not call her either, afterall you have to have harmony within the family!
Do you WANT overbearing in-laws? Because you could have that. Maybe they're not much of a phone family. I can't tell you the last time I called someone. My MIL wished I'd call more and gets annoyed when we don't call everytime one of us goes to the doctor but that's just not how we do things. I've been in the hospital and we haven't called anyone because we just didn't want anyone there or anyone freaking out.
I agree that people use FB as an inappropriate venue to announce something for the first time. It's incredibly offensive when someone announces they're having a baby on facebook, then doesn't send a birth announcement, and still expects a gift. Sorry, if you can't throw a 50cent picture of the kid on a birth announcement and mail it to me, you're not getting a gift. Ditto weddings that I wasn't invited to.
Your MIL's decision to announce something serious like this over facebook just shows that she feels more connected through the computer to her "friends" than she does through the phone. It's inappropriate, but also unlikely to change anytime soon.
That said, I do understand not wanting to call every close family member and recount the harrowing tale because she would probably get emotional. A well-worded email to family members would have been the best thing to do, and if she's on facebook, she has an email, which means there's no excuse, but there you have it.
Maybe next time something big happens to you or your H, you should announce it over facebook instead of calling her to tell her. If she gets upset, point out sweetly that you are just following her example because obviously she was most comfortable with that mode of communication? Maybe she truly is.
I thought about doing this...but then I messaged her instead about how I felt (politely of course) and she apologized and told me next time she would definitely call us first. I was happy enough
I get where you're coming from. These are DH's brothers. Yes- I do think he should have heard about the accident from his mom.
But... I also agree w/ TSD. The way people communicate these days is changing. Maybe not entirely appropriately, but, they are changing.
Plus - I'll also add, having gone through a few very stressful times the past few years, including admitting my son to the hospital - when you're overwhelmed and completely stressed, rational thinking can actually fly out the window. I tend to give people a bit of a pass when they're thrown something out of left field.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I agree with this 100%, but that does not make it right! I cannot stand the fact that people don't PICK UP THE PHONE to stay connected. In ways it's great bc you can keep in touch with people in more convenient ways, but it is also causing us to feel more isolated and less connected because we never actually hear our friends voices. I'm glad you resolved it with her amicably and I hope she actually does call you in the future with significant news like that.
eh, my dad told me about my grandmother's stroke via FB message. At the time, I was a little WTF, dad, but he just doesn't use the phone much and he had other things on his mind (like getting to the hospital to help my granddad).
My family tends to communicate through fb and email more than calling, so I wouldn't be mad about it. She may have not had the emotional energy necessary to be on the phone right then.
I would also be pissed if she didnt't call and put it on FB first that just stupid. regardless of how badly they were hurt you would think she wanted her oldest son to find out from her and not through Fb. I wouldn't hold it against her though. I would tell her that you were upset that she did not tell you first before she shared it with the world.
It doesn't make it "wrong" either. People can choose to communicate however they please. If it makes you feel isolated and less connected that's on you.
I don't need to talk on the phone with anyone to feel connected to them. Look at these boards- they are made up of people who solely communicate through typing yet I'd say many would consider themselves very connected. IMO the phone is totally antiquated and annoying. When I'm out and about and hear people blah blah blah'ing on their cell I want to kick them in the shins.
I'm with TSD on this one, and I can't understand demanding a personal phone call in the middle of the night in order to be the first to hear about a car accidet in which nobody was seriously hurt.
If my fianc? were in a car accident and wasn't actually hurt in the middle of the night, I wouldn't be calling his sister on the spot. If he wanted to call the next day he could, but I wouldn't expect a "had a rough night, but thankfully everyone's ok!" fb post to be offensive and make people want to never call me again. GTFO yourself.
Seriously.
The woman was probably worried about her sons that were in the car accident. And then, once she knows everything is okay, why WOULD she call you in the middle of the night?
Just for future reference, there's no need to ask whether you're overreacting. The answer for you is always, always yes.
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You two are just rude. I was NOT expecting a call in the middle of the night. I just expected to be called before it was put on facebook, perhaps right before. You two need to get your info before you start mouthing off.
Yeah, still unnecessary since it doesn't affect you whatsoever because the brothers are ok.
Ok, but what exactly is wrong with hearing news via FB, a news-sharing site? It gets the news out to whomever needs to know it all at once. What is so special about a phone call? I need to know. It doesn't change the information any, does it? The news is EXACTLY THE SAME regardless whether it was typed out or said via mouth, yes?
A phone call is better IMO because it gets more information faster. My MIL didn't post how serious the injuries were, like if anyone had life threatening ones. I would have commented, but she gets on facebook only once a day, and only stays on long enough to post a status. My comment would not have been answered until the next day.
BUT NO ONE HAD LIFE THREATENING INJURIES. THAT'S WHY SHE POSTED ON FB. Oh my god, you're thick.
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