Starting Over
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home D
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Another effing email from Stalker Guy
Seriously? I've never in my life seen someone that doesn't get "I don't want to be with you anymore."
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home D
Re: Another effing email from Stalker Guy
Can you mark him as spam so you don't have to see your emails?
Or, you might want to email him back, tell him you feel he is harrassing you and you would like it to stop immediately (save that just in case it gets worse and you need proof that you have asked him to leave you alone). Then mark him as spam so you don't have to see them.
He's delusional is what he is. He said,"I know how happy I made you and I want to make you just as happy." Dude. No. Once the newness wore off, you didn't make me happy, that's why I broke up with you!
Ive been out with this new guy 4 times and I'm already happier with him than I ever was with stalker guy. I don't want to hurt him any worse by telling him I've met someone else, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to if he keeps at it. For now, I'm still ignoring him, like I have the last 2 times he's contacted me.
I never would have thought he would turn out like this. Jeez.
As someone who's worked with DV victims, and victims of stalking, I'd recommend against doing this.
Follow the PP's advice to immediately set up a filter to keep these messages from going into your inbox and to send them directly to another folder (do not delete them - pp was correct you might need them later to prove his stalking behaviors should you need to file for a protection order). I would also occasionally check the folder just to make sure there isn't anything scary or dangerous in what he sends (if he continues to send things).
If you feel the need to contact him, another PP's advice to send a very to the point email telling him that you do not wish any further interactions with him, and asking him to stop contacting you immediately (which you save, of course) is also appropriate. Do not feed into his craziness by giving him reasons - simple and straightforward is the best.
Hope things work out for you soon.
"You don't get to be all puke-face about your kid shooting your undead baby daddy when all you had to do was KEEP HIM IN THE FLUCKING HOUSE, LORI!" - doctorwho
I would email him and say something like...I've asked you several times not to contact me any more. Sending unwanted emails is considered harrassment. Please stop harrassing me.
I've had a similar situation (actually more than once) and sent that type of email and that stopped the contact
She did this and it didn't work.
Like the pp I also have experience with DV work and the best thing to do it not to contact him at all. He is sounding crazier by the day. Filter him, save emails and check periodically. You cant engage him because he is doing this for your attention. Cutting off the attention will hopefully stop the behavior. Since this is the rough sex guy, this worries me very much. Please don't contact him further.
Yeah, I really don't want to have any sort of contact with him, I'm just starting to feel backed into a corner, like he's never going to stop unless I do something drastic. I mean, we were together one day shy of 4 months, and have now been broken up for 8 weeks today. Isn't this a little...excessive?
You know, it's kind of ironic, one of the reasons it didn't work with him was that I realized how selfish he was and how EVERYTHING had to be his way...and here he is, still trying to get his way, trying to force me to come back.
On the bright side, for having to deal with the bad sex with him for 3 months, I'm being rewarded with PHENOMENAL sex with the new guy, and it's making it all better!
I agree with mint completely. Stalkers get off on any response even if it is telling them to go away and leave you alone. Telling him you are seeing someone else is going to cue weird fantasies of star crossed lovers. Or make him think you want him to compete with this new guy. I've heard lots of weird things that would never occur to a normal person as an interpretation of go away I am dating someone else.
Right now it's one email or so a week right? I'd continue to ignore but if contact increases or if he starts trying to call or come by your house, see if your state had some equivalent of no trespassing papers. It's not a restraining order but it's a legal document telling someone to go away and you can use it if he keeps bothering you.
The rough sex fetish still concerns me and makes me think this guy could be more dangerous than he seems.
I didn't know she'd already contacted him to let him know to stop, and I didn't know about the rough sex.
OP - if that's the case, definitely do not re-engage. Keep a record of everything he sends you by having those emails / calls go directly to a filter / directly to voicemail, and then check them periodically to make sure, again, that there's nothing especially threatening or scary in them.
At any point if you feel like he's started crossing the line to where you feel unsafe, PLEASE consider talking to someone in your community about filing for a protection order.
Be safe ::hugs::
"You don't get to be all puke-face about your kid shooting your undead baby daddy when all you had to do was KEEP HIM IN THE FLUCKING HOUSE, LORI!" - doctorwho
Geez if that is the case, why in the world would you not BLOCK his email address? Do you not know how? Who is your email through? Just google... how do I block an email address in yahoo, gmail, hotmail, etc... whoever you use. It's really not that hard.
I know I'm new here, and maybe I'm just reading this wrong, but whoa. Did you really just go on the offensive with someone who's being stalked?
In re: blocking - I really REALLY wouldn't recommend it, especially given what I've heard now about the rough sex part. Blocking means she won't have any proof that he's being crazy should she need to take legal action in the future to ensure her safety. That's why a few of us have been suggesting filtering the messages, and then periodically checking them to make sure he's not upping the crazy in a way that makes her feel unsafe.
"You don't get to be all puke-face about your kid shooting your undead baby daddy when all you had to do was KEEP HIM IN THE FLUCKING HOUSE, LORI!" - doctorwho
I agree with arborgold--you need to chill out. She's not an idiot so don't treat her like one. This is a tough situation and she was asking for help.
Many of us have dealt with people who made us feel like we broke their hearts and often it takes longer than it should have until we take proactive measures to keep these people out of our lives. Obviously Emmi was trying to do what she thought was the right thing by letting this obsession of her XBF's die out on its own. Since it didn't, she asked for help and that's what we're giving her.
No one chooses to be stalked or bothered. In these cases the best thing to do is NOT to block the email address so that she can have evidence later on if she needs to take legal action. At least 2 attorneys on this board and 3 people who have dealt with DV issues have already agreed upon this. Thanks for your input though.
Seriously, BlackKitty, why must you be such a gaping asssh0le all the time? Lose the attitude, please.
Emmi, I'm really sorry that he's not backed off.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
Do not let yourself feel bad. No offense to you, but this has very little to do with a broken heart and very much to do with a controlling personality. You are doing the right thing.
Agreed. I'm sure you're an awesome person but I bet this has more to do with the controlling issues he has more than anything else.