Starting Over
Starryfish
member
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
s/o sex only vs. sex and sleeping over
Inspired by Jm's post to ChasingEmmi below....
When you first have sex with someone, do you spend the night or no?
If not, how long do you wait to spend the night (I am talking about being in a relationship here and not FWB).
Re: s/o sex only vs. sex and sleeping over
I was thinking about this too and was going to post about it today.
I'm a chronic sleeper over. It's not always the first time I have sex with them but I invariably end up staying over a lot. I am like this regardless of whether I live alone or with other people.
I guess my question is, what's the big deal? Jm seemed to suggest there was a big difference between sleeping with someone (sex) and sleeping over after sex. Is the slumber party a big step to most people?
This was my thought too. Yeah you get more time to cuddle, but what IS the big deal? You already had sex, how is sleeping over more intimate?
Personally, I like to have sleep overs, and I don't think it's a super-big deal. BUT, sure, I do think it creates more intimacy. There's more opportunities for pillow talk, there's more physical contact, probably more sex. There's likely breakfast in the morning, etc. Generally, it makes things feel more couple-y and domestic than if you were to throw your clothes back on and call it a night.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
This. I guess I'd say it's more emotionally intimate to sleep over, rather than the physical intimacy of sex.
I can see that.
In a relationship, I think it's best to sleep over. In the past, if either party has left after sex, it has felt "cold".
With a FWB situation, I actually want them to leave after most of the time. LOL
I didn't sleep over immediately either, though I was always asked to. For me, it's more of a logistics thing since I have a couple of dogs. Before I started seriously dating, my FWWB (Friend with Weird Benefits) would have sleepovers at my place.
Regular spend-the-nights with BF didn't start for a while, and then it was usually on weekends. He would rarely stay over with me because of my loud-ass neighbors.
If it weren't for the dogs, I would have slept over the first time with no qualms about it.
I will usually end up spending the night before having sex, so when I get to the point of sex, we would have already shared a bed.
Soooo, yes, after I have sex for the first time, I am sleeping over or vice versa.
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
If the sole purpose of sleeping over is too have sex all night that is different..hahaha.
To me sleeping over makes it feel like I am in a relationship with the woman. Sort of the same concept as GOZ was saying. Obv just dating and being in a relationship are worlds apart. I dont want to know a woman's sleeping habits, what mood she is in when she wakes up, what she does before work, etc until we have been dating for quite a while. I dont really know why I feel that way I just do. I should note I am a person that highly values my privacy, so I may have a distorted view on this. I love waking up in my own place and going thru my normal routine.
Oh and dont worry Mint when you fly to IA I would hate for you to fork over cash for a hotel so yes you can sleep over.
Score! No dutch ovens please!
FYI--I wake up happy and expect morning sex.
Well hells bells, so do I!!!
I do love sleepovers but now I'm paranoid about DS waking up in the morning and seeing a strange man so I generally don't have them. The last time I had one he had to leave early for work anyways so he was gone before DS got up.
I think that if I was in a relationship there would probably be sleepovers followed by sex, but in a FWB situation I would want him to leave and not stay the night....I like sleeping alone now, especially if I'm not in a relationship with the person. Plus, I think I snore!
Oh, I hear this. I am a fright in the morning -- not one of those effortless beauties. I know that most guys really don't care, but it's my own hangup.
I am pleased to report that BF tells me I'm beautiful, even when I'm sans makeup, with my bangs sticking straight up in the air. He's crazy -- or needs an eye exam -- but it's really sweet. It even sounds like he means it!
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.