valentines day is a boys responsibility, right?

jennlin · February 2012

i'm still contemplating what i want to do for v-day---and h and i *never* talk about vday or anniversaries...because we're weird like that. but i *really* want to do something for v-day...we've always had bad vdays together.

would it be wrong of me to give him a shopping list, and links to recipes so that he can just cook at home? we may or may not have a newborn at the time, so i don't want to make big plans to go out.

Nutrguru · February 2012

I think if you guys agree to stay in together it's a fine if it's a joint effort. But in your case you are JUST about or will have JUST had his kid. He should be massaging your feet/back and giving you chocolate on demand.

BrandyL10 · February 2012

Sounds fine to me. You can add, 'I've been carrying your spawn for 9 months now, cook me dinner biitch!' At least, that's what I would do. Big Smile

Kahalagurl · February 2012

h really wants to go out on V day and do something corning. I try to avoid restaurants on this day because of set menus and way to many couples trying to look like they are being romantic (there are a few that actually are cute). Im all for doing something romantic/sexy at home.

and yes I think boys should be in charge of the swooning, but im all for making suggestions on how to be soon.

idealy i would want to stay at home with strawberry and chocolate fondue and a new VS outfit. never mind dinner, straight to dessert!

dreamwinds · February 2012

jennlin:

i'm still contemplating what i want to do for v-day---and h and i *never* talk about vday or anniversaries...because we're weird like that. but i *really* want to do something for v-day...we've always had bad vdays together.

would it be wrong of me to give him a shopping list, and links to recipes so that he can just cook at home? we may or may not have a newborn at the time, so i don't want to make big plans to go out.

As silly as it sounds, before we got married, I laid out a 'plan' for D cause I didn't want to have irrational expectations and he works better with a laid out plan.

V-Day, he makes either dinner reservations or makes dinner and gets me a box of chocolates and flowers. I get him a card. (We really share the chocolates, cause he ends up eating most of it, but whatever. XD)

For anniversaries, I do the planning, either make dinner or make the reservation and flowers from him to me. For my birthday, he makes reservations or dinner and one small present. Same vice versa. For Christmas, we exchange one present.

So given we have this all like spelled out out, I think you are totally fine with giving him a shopping list and links to recipes. XD You could potentially add a list of fancy (?) take out places for him to get a meal from and set up for you two. XD

sarack · February 2012

i totally think that you should send him links!

merrileekate · February 2012

I think V-day can be anyone's responsibility, but considering you're going to be either super pregnant or have just had a baby, I'd definitely say it's your H's job this year!

If it were my H, I'd let him know I'm hoping we can have a quiet night in together for vday this year, and would he mind putting together a home cooked dinner? My H is the type who would want to own that kind of project and come up with a menu all on his own. If I got the deer-in-headlights vibe or he asked for ideas, I'd suggest a couple of recipes. I guess it depends on your H. Mine happens to know how to cook and if he's going to do something like that, he would want to plan it. If you know your H would be more comfortable with more detailed guidelines, I think it's fine.

Johlise · February 2012

Last year DH cooked dinner and set the table very romantically with candles etc. As far as anything else goes we never do more than a card and H get's me roses.

jennlin · February 2012

dreamwinds:
As silly as it sounds, before we got married, I laid out a 'plan' for D cause I didn't want to have irrational expectations and he works better with a laid out plan.

you are an absolute genius. i will have to bring this up with h.

KST_ · February 2012

jennlin:
would it be wrong of me to give him a shopping list, and links to recipes so that he can just cook at home? we may or may not have a newborn at the time, so i don't want to make big plans to go out.

Eh, not necessarily wrong. Just being a good relationship person and clearly communicating your needs rather than making assumptions. Wink

jennlin:
we may or may not have a newborn at the time, so i don't want to make big plans to go out.

OMG THIS!!!! You're so CLOSE!!!! Hurry up and pop that baby out, we want to know the sex!! AND...since you're doing 30 days of home seclusion after that, the sooner you have the baby, the sooner we can plan our next GTG.

dreamwinds · February 2012

Are you really doing 30 days of seclusion? OMG.

My mom told me in Korea it's 3 months of seclusion, because in Korea we have the 100 day baby celebration (I think Chinese is 1 month celebration), and it coincides. Baby's first appearance and mommy's first appearance is then. She also told me you can't wash your hair for 3 months and I was like: No, and then asked her if she had done all that and she admitted she hadn't.

But she seems pretty dead set on making me stay inside for 3 months. I will probably kill someone.

mgoss228 · February 2012

MerrileeKate:
I think V-day can be anyone's responsibility, but considering you're going to be either super pregnant or have just had a baby, I'd definitely say it's your H's job this year!

This, and I think dreamwinds has a really point with setting up a plan for V-day/Anniversaries/B-days/etc. Some guys are really great with planning romantic, thoughtful events, but some aren't. My H is definitely not a planner, so we "co-plan" each V-day/Anniversary/B-day.

jennlin · February 2012

dreamwinds:
Are you really doing 30 days of seclusion? OMG.

yes, i am "too chinese" to not do it! but i'll admit, i'm american enough that i will be washing my hair! Smile

i really don't think 30 days is all that bad! everybody thinks i'm crazy, haha. i'm still allowed out for doctors appointments, and i'm allowed visitors (technically no visitors, but i'm too american for that, too, haha). i'll be fine. 3 months now...i can't do that!

soralette · February 2012

MerrileeKate:
I think V-day can be anyone's responsibility, but considering you're going to be either super pregnant or have just had a baby, I'd definitely say it's your H's job this year!

If it were my H, I'd let him know I'm hoping we can have a quiet night in together for vday this year, and would he mind putting together a home cooked dinner? My H is the type who would want to own that kind of project and come up with a menu all on his own. If I got the deer-in-headlights vibe or he asked for ideas, I'd suggest a couple of recipes. I guess it depends on your H. Mine happens to know how to cook and if he's going to do something like that, he would want to plan it. If you know your H would be more comfortable with more detailed guidelines, I think it's fine.

All of this, definitely. XD

My DH and I trade off on who makes plans for our anniversaries. We don't really bother with Valentine's Day very much -- I'll write him a puzzle to solve, and that's usually about it.

jennlin · February 2012

MerrileeKate:
I guess it depends on your H. Mine happens to know how to cook and if he's going to do something like that, he would want to plan it. If you know your H would be more comfortable with more detailed guidelines, I think it's fine.

mine would argue that he knows how to cook---but we'd be eating bacon, eggs, and pancakes for dinner Big Smile . to him, cooking is breakfast foods, or ramen!

merrileekate · February 2012

Touche. I'm Not a breakfast-for-dinner person so that wouldn't fly. Since you *are* pg/will have been pg, I'd throw it out there as "there are a few things I've really been craving lately..." and show him some recipes.

therickson · February 2012

jennlin:
MerrileeKate:
I guess it depends on your H. Mine happens to know how to cook and if he's going to do something like that, he would want to plan it. If you know your H would be more comfortable with more detailed guidelines, I think it's fine.
mine would argue that he knows how to cook---but we'd be eating bacon, eggs, and pancakes for dinner . to him, cooking is breakfast foods, or ramen!

I think since you are 27 months pregnant it is ok!

sarack · February 2012

I hope that H does something nice for me for vday.

and i hope we have sexy time. lol. i want a ribeye, well a 1/4 of one and something sweet, like a cupcake.

and icecream. that's not too much to ask for, is it? flowers would be incredible.

KimberlyS530 · February 2012

jennlin:
MerrileeKate:
I guess it depends on your H. Mine happens to know how to cook and if he's going to do something like that, he would want to plan it. If you know your H would be more comfortable with more detailed guidelines, I think it's fine.
mine would argue that he knows how to cook---but we'd be eating bacon, eggs, and pancakes for dinner . to him, cooking is breakfast foods, or ramen!

This. That's my DH's idea of a good meal and the extent of his cooking ability. He makes it "fancy" because he includes an egg (I'm not entirely sure in what context said egg is added to the store-bought noodles, pre-packaged seasonings, and water).

dreamwinds · February 2012

sarack:
I hope that H does something nice for me for vday. and i hope we have sexy time. lol. i want a ribeye, well a 1/4 of one and something sweet, like a cupcake. and icecream. that's not too much to ask for, is it? flowers would be incredible.

This was actually part of the problem for us. XD I'd have all these secret hopes and desires and none of them would pan out cause D is just not that kind of guy. ._. So I finally just had to spell it out for him. It takes away the element of surprise which makes me sad, but it's less sad mopeyness on my part.

picksthemusic · February 2012

I think as long as it's super low-key, and stuff he can order that can be delivered to your door, you're good. I think he'd be okay with you letting him know that that's what you'd like this year.

jennlin · February 2012

picksthemusic:
I think as long as it's super low-key, and stuff he can order that can be delivered to your door, you're good. I think he'd be okay with you letting him know that that's what you'd like this year.

so my lobster, steak, mash, asparagus, chocolate, and wine (or cider) is low-key right? i hope so, cause i already sent it to him.........

all with very detailed yet simple instructions though!

uwhuskygirl · February 2012

jennlin:
picksthemusic:
I think as long as it's super low-key, and stuff he can order that can be delivered to your door, you're good. I think he'd be okay with you letting him know that that's what you'd like this year.
so my lobster, steak, mash, asparagus, chocolate, and wine (or cider) is low-key right? i hope so, cause i already sent it to him.........
all with very detailed yet simple instructions though!

Yes

sarack · February 2012

uwhuskygirl:
jennlin:

picksthemusic:
I think as long as it's super low-key, and stuff he can order that can be delivered to your door, you're good. I think he'd be okay with you letting him know that that's what you'd like this year.

so my lobster, steak, mash, asparagus, chocolate, and wine (or cider) is low-key right? i hope so, cause i already sent it to him.........

all with very detailed yet simple instructions though!

omg, i really wanna come over but that isn't very romantic.

lobster and steak and mashed potatoes and asaparagus and chocolate?

MiniSteph · February 2012

When we were dating, DH and I decided to switch every year who chooses what we do. Now I think we are just going to have dinner at home. I make DH a lemon meringue pie and he gets me flowers. This year I think I'm going to ask for some See's chocolates. Milk chocolate bordeaux.

valentines day is a boys responsibility, right?

Re: valentines day is a boys responsibility, right?

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