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I am in hell. vent
I know I don't post much anymore, but have to vent and it's wedding related. Maybe someone can offer some advice on this, but I think it's pretty much just a vent.
My soon to be DIL is driving me effin crazy. They got engaged (again) and she HAD to have her 2 carat ring. (it's ALL for show with her and she HAS to have the best of everything.) fine, whatever, their finances, not mine. But now, 2 days later, she is already telling me "what I will be paying for the wedding" "Grooms family is responsible for marriage license and officiant's fee, grooms outfit, bride's bouquet and going-away corsage, boutonnieres for men, and corsages for mothers and grandmothers, complete honeymoon, rehersal dinner and bachelor dinner before the bachelor party"
yes, she took this all straight from the knot. Which I can deal with a good protion of that list. (However if she thinks I'm paying for her complete honeymoon, she is flippin crazy!) But then she went on to tell me, "since you are so crafty, I will most likely just have you make centerpieces and decoration stuff for the wedding." fine, but the supplies need to come out of your pocket.
I am really scared. with her EVERYTHING needs to be top of the line and I KNOW her family won't help out much. She will think that if she can't get her way with them, she will come to me. I have a feeling this will get VERY expensive. I think I will sit down and just come up with a number and say, this is how much you will get towards help. If it's over that, you will have to figure something else out. She is stressing me out already. lol
Luckily, the guest list is still on my computer from our wedding and I only need some minor revisions! lol
Re: I am in hell. vent
How old is this girl again?
I can't stand entitled beebee brides.
Ro, you're tougher than this. You just have to draw a line in the sand.
Personally, I think the dollar amount is the way to go. Then she gets to be part of the real world where we prioritize our spending based on how much money we have available
she will be 21 in April.
I guess after everything we did for Kael (grandson) I know she is going to try get all she can out of me. We offered to pay for a crib set (crib, bedding, matress) well of course it was a $500 crib, $125 matress and the bedding?? custom made for $450 freaking dollars. "I'll pay you back for half of it" yeah...
Then I paid for a baby shower since noone else threw one for her.
I just know this is going to drive me crazy! Guess I better hit Happy Harry's Penny Sale (buy a bottle of wine and get the next for a penny!)
But speaking of Kael, here is the blog post of his 14 month pics (they couldn't afford 1 year, so I took him for these last week! )
http://reevesphotography.com/blog/?p=7266
First of all ... a 2 carat ring? I don't even know what to say. They are pretty young, not old enough to be well-established financially where it makes sense to spend that much on a ring. Wow.
Draw the line now, don't wait. I concur that giving them a set amount of money to spend on wedding expenses as she sees fit is the smartest way to go. Make it clear that the money you give them for the wedding is ALL you're giving them so they should spend it wisely, and don't come back later asking for more because they won't get anything additional. If she is expecting parents to foot the bill for all the wedding expenses, she has to work within a budget that the parents can afford. She can not expect you to overspend your budget because she has expensive tastes or unrealistic expectations.
Mr. Sammy Dog
You are in no way responsible for paying for all of that for the wedding. I would just give her an amount that you feel comfortable providing for the wedding and that's it. She can learn to budget with the amount she has or work a little more. My parents gave us nothing toward our wedding I think dh family gave us $1000. We paid for everything ourselves and we were a lot older than 21. This girl needs a wakeup call.
ETA: I also can't believe you spent that much money on bedding and a crib or that she dared ask for that. She needs to learn that even if you can maybe pay for something the most expensive one isn't always what's needed. Our crib was $150. Could we have afforded a $500 one, yes... but do you really need a $500 crib when there are others available for $300 or less and they all meet the same safety standards.
Photo taken at 16 months old
I paid for all of my own also. Of course, my parents helped with my first wedding and when he passed away and got remarried I would have NEVER expected them to help again!
But yeah, the girl has NO clue on a budget, how to keep one or a REALISTIC one. I got screwed on the baby stuff (not that he isn't worth it) and learned a huge lesson about her and setting boundaries. Give and inch and she will take a mile. With Kael, at least it was 2 incomes, but with living alone with Sky, it's just mine and I budget CLOSELY. So things HAVE to be different this time!!
This is absolutely ridiculous that she is getting away with all of this. I agree with the ilovebijou about the bedding, no way in h-e double hockey sticks we would have spent that much money on bedding and such. (Ok, she said it a lot nicer, but seriously)!
It sounds like she has been given the things she wanted in the past, no matter the cost, and it needs to stop. She needs to be put in her place...tell her a dollar amount and stick to it.
Sorry for the harshness, but I'm getting impatient just thinking about it!
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I agree that you should figure out the amount you want to pitch in for the wedding and offer that and your creative help up and draw the line there.
PS Kael's pictures are adorable!!!
I agree. I got $100 from my mom for my wedding. And nothing from my dad. DH's dad gave us $500 I think as a wedding gift, but nothing towards the actual wedding.
Myself or family and friends have bought almost everything for my grandson and let me tell you, I made it very clear to my daughter that she better be thankful she was getting ANYTHING from anyone. Now, she is 16 so it is a little different, but it sounds like this chick has the same maturity/mindset as a 16 year old. No clue how the real world works.
The whole situation sucks for you. Your son picked a real peach. Good luck to you.
lol...you have no clue! Even if they come over for supper, I have to make the most horribly plain food because she is a VERY pciky eater. Pauls favorites of mine are my meatballs, dr pepper ham and pot roast. She doesnt like any of them. So when they come it's basically a spaghetti, lasagne (with NO ricotta cheese) or tatertot casserole. SOOOOOO boring to cook! lol
I shouldn't say she WON'T eat it. She will pick at it and make funny faces and it bugs the hel! out of me so I have given up. If I make any of Pauls' favorites, I bring him a big tupperware to work for him for his supper there.
One day she will realize it's not all about her. When they moved up to GF, she had a PT job and Paul had none yet and she REFUSED housing becasue she didn't like the apartments!! ARE YOU KIDDING?!!? So they found a place they pay $650 a month. Granted he is making good money now and she works part time still, but get a grip on reality here! Paul ends up giving in because he gets sick of the fights.
frustrating. She needs a reality check. her Mom was always more concerned about her next husband than she was about her kids so Tiff has always gotten what she wants becasue it was her Mom paying her off to get her love since she never spent time with them. Mom is my age (known her since HS) and on her 5th marriage.
The big sister, and Momma 30 weeks along with baby sister
Food Blog, Family and Baby Blog
With her attitude I wouldn't give her anything but if you still want to, I'd tell her TODAY "this is the amount that I am giving to you towards the wedding and that's it."
Those pictures of Kael are adorable! What beautiful blue eyes!
I would have a really hard time helping someone who demands it and doesn't actually appreciate it. I agree with everyone else - if you want to help them out, set a dollar amount, give them a check and let them use it how they see fit. If they run out, they run out.
Tired after a long morning of hiking and swimming.
Can we link this post whenever someone comes on TK talking about how they expect mom and dad to pay for 'this, this, and this' please?
Seriously. What an ungrateful person. If she wants to abide by such old-fashioned rules, tell her you're expecting a few cattle from her parents as well.
H's family paid for nothing in our wedding. My mom bought my dress (she offered) and my dad said ahead of time that we had a set amount he wanted to contribute. Even though our entire budget stayed below his amount, H and I still paid for certain parts because, well, it was our wedding. (We paid for a photographer, ceremony, officiant, flowers, and all the gifts for family and WP members.) My dad ended up covering the "rehearsal" dinner (not really, just a dinner with his family), and the reception.
And, I think it's just weird that anyone other than the couple would pay for the marriage license.
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The one I rolled my eyes at the most was the honeymoon. I actually lol'd at that one. Hell, I didn't get a honeymoon because we couldn't afford it! The heck I am paying for them to have one!!!
I'm still stuck on her having to have a 2 carat ring. Ridiculous. She could have gotten a perfectly lovely 1 carat ring and had a nice chunk to put towards the wedding.
It will be hard but I think you have to put your foot down Ro. This chick needs a lesson in how the real world operates. Tell her, "I've been thinking about this and I am comfortable giving you $xxx for the wedding. Spend it as you see fit but once it's gone that is it." I have a feeling it might not go over very well but if you cave and give her more you KNOW it will just end up spiraling out of control now and in the future. She's like a puppy - once they get a taste of food from the table they will never quit begging.
Yiesch, 2 ct. ring... I'll admit, my ring is a 2ct. but at the same time, it's CZ because I think it's totally rediculous to spend that kind of money on a diamond when there are about a million other things in married life I'd prefer to have or upgraded (is it so wrong to update a bathroom or landscaping for the price difference?!?!?) even if I knew that if I wanted to press it, I probably could have a real one...
I'd say you set a budget for each item within what you can afford to do, and only IF you can afford to! You'll contribute X amount for this, Y for this, etc. and stick to it! You have to put a cap on the spending somehow given her previous choices. It sounds because when given the option to spend what she wants she's going to go for high-end top shelf instead of what you can reasonably afford.
As for the "Full Honeymoon" - I'm thinking Duluth or Bloomington is looking mighty fine this time of year for a day trip... If they want to go all out, Fargo!