Starting Over
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Can we talk online dating?
I know it's been talked about a lot before, but I'm just starting out.
Did you initiate contact? Wink? Email? How much contact did you get from guys? How long did it take to go on your first date? And anything else I should know.
The day I left was just my beginning.
Re: Can we talk online dating?
I did online dating before I met my first husband...WATCH out for weridos I did met some really awesome people a of few of the guys I still am really good friends with one of them and the god mother of his child.
Most men (like in real life) are looking to get laid...just watch yourself and have fun!
Rat--I've found that I got a lot of emails from people I was not at all interested in at all. I did a search and the ones I was interested in I would favorite as a means of bookmarking them because I didn't want to have 15 emails out at one (gets too confusing).
My profile explicitly states that I'm not looking for a pen pal and would prefer meeting someone in person sooner rather than later. Generally I have some email exchanges, ask for their name, Google them and get a number before going out with them. If someone doesn't ask me out after a couple of weeks of emailing then I'm not wasting my time.
As for initiating, often "favoriting" them will result in them contacting me. If not I would wink or email, depending on how good of a match I thought they might be.
While there are many creeps out there, I really don't think this is true. I know you're new here and getting married but the rest of us try to be positive that this isn't the case and that we will meet great men out there.
I am not saying that in a bad way. I have tons of friends who have met there SO online just saying as for anywhere be careful. I stated I am still really good friends with someone I met online and we didnt workout together but did as friends. I am all for online dating...but like I am sure we all know men can be dogs and us ladies have to watch out.
I would initiate contact - either a wink or a short e-mail. I'd say my success rate in receiving a response was 1 in 10. BF was one of those 10 though, LOL.
TBH, I didn't really receive a lot of contact from men. Maybe a couple of winks/e-mails a week, and those could be hit or miss. It took me a couple of weeks to go on a first date. Those rarely led to a second one.
Online dating is hard. There were times when I got really frustrated with it, so I stepped away for a while. It can make you a jaded, cynical person if you don't keep things in perspective. I found the greatest success when it wasn't a big part of my life. I'm glad I did it though.
Yeah, I've been on for a week and a half, and I've gotten two emails- one from a younger guy and one from a much older guy.
My mother has beaten it into my head that women don't make the first move and I'm having a hard time moving past that.
I'd say about 50/50 in terms of initating contact. I think "winks" aren't really worth it...just say HI! or something like that (i'm assuming you're doing Match based on the lingo". Find something you like about their profile and use that as a point of conversation. Take it from there and usually if they end up offering their email address, then I'd offer up mine (but ONLY if I know they are "google-able" at that point and they "check out".). Then, just feel it out from there to see if you both want to talk on the phone or to meet up (at a public place, etc.)
I have a generic email address set up, too, for most people. But if I've talked to them on the phone or email enough and know they are legit, then I'm OK with sharing a bit more information...but not like I'm having them show up at my house and pick me up on the first (or second) date. Be careful, use common sense.
Also, allow yourself to go outside of your "type" but still have high standards. I'm picky...and rightfully so. I deserve to be. But I try and and say to myself "well, they've met my "standard must have's (college degree, etc.)" and then try and go from there. I have to find them attractive on some level, but I have gone a bit outside of my norm.
I've honestly met some nice guys through online dating...none have worked out but at least they've been fun and gotten me out there. But like PP said, alot of them want just want to sleep with you. Trust your instincts and set your standards.
If I see a profile that really interests me, then I'll send an email. Winks tend to be highly ineffective and if you're interested you should just go ahead and make the first move. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
On OKC I get two to three emails a day, but most of them I just end up deleteing because I have zero interest whatsoever. I was on Match and I didn't get as many emails there, but felt like when I did, I tended to be more interested.
I've been on a lot of first dates, and luckily haven't had any truly disatrous dates yet.
Good luck and keep us posted!
I don't typically initiate contact but will occassionally, usually only if there is something very specific in their profile that I want to talk about. How much contact I received varies by website for sure... I also think it is regional. Where I live, I have had the most luck with Plenty of fish & Ok cupid and very little luck with match. On plenty of fish, I have probably been contacted by about 100 guys in the last month. I usually will exchange 3-4 emails and then the guy will usually offer his cell number and then we text a bit, then talk on the phone then meet. The process usually takes maybe 1-2 weeks. I don't decide if I want to meet someone usually until I have spoken with them on the phone. Of course there are exceptions, on Saturday I had a guy email me for the first time and we ended up meeting that night! (and it turned out I had dated his cousin but that is another story)
Try not to get too invested in any one until you have had the chance to meet them. "This time around" I have met like 5 guys before I found a "keeper" and I'm not sure if he is a real keeper yet since we have only met once but the first meeting was really great!
Oh, and I have found the best way to receive more contact is to make sure your headline sticks out... there are so many "Looking for someone special" headlines out there. Mine is really unique and I get a lot of comments on it.
This was what I did too. I'm kind of old-fashioned in that I like the guy to contact me first.
Get past it!
You're hot and awesome!
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
Online dating is tedious. It is a numbers game. It is frustrating. And yet I put up with it because I feel like it is the best chance of meeting someone. WG and I found each other thru our wellness class and I felt pretty lucky to have met her. I dont envision that scenario happening again.
I dont get a good response when I send emails...would say less than 15% will write me back. From the women I have met on there, all of them have mentioned they are flooded with emails, winks, etc every week and it is almost a chore for them to look thru it all. That is too bad because they could be overlooking a great guy....like me!!
Don't let it discourage you. Easier said than done, I know. I didn't exactly have an overflowing inbox, but I don't think that was indicative of my looks or personality. Sometimes it just takes a while to cut through the noise if you aren't a part of the population looking for a hookup.
De-lurking cause this advice really helped me with online dating:
I will give you the best advice I've ever heard about online dating. Just be yourself. Act the same as you would IRL. If you wouldn't initiate contact with a guy you saw in a bar who was cute, don't initiate contact online.
Often people act differently online than they would IRL and this causes problems because then when you get to know them they aren't who you thought they were.
I met H on eHarmony. The site doesn't really "do" the winks, etc, (or at least it didn't back then), so we just went straight to answering questions and real discussions. We went out on our first date maybe a month after initiating online contact.
I really like eHarmony. It's a lot more serious, I think, than match or okcupid type sites. It worked for us, but I can see how others might prefer the "pictures first" sites.
My current BF is from match. I actually had about 5 dates from that site and they were almost all decent experiences, but I was picky. I emailed about 3-5 times and then either talked on phone or met in person. Don't waste too much time emailing. Although, as a teacher, I do believe that someone's grammar/spelling/word choice can be a red flag for me.