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Doubts...part of the cycle?
At first, I had no reservations about this divorce. Now that I've been alone for a couple of months and STBX and I are getting along so well as separate co-parents, I'm having serious doubts. I see my other friends who have successful marriages - home by 6:00, dinner with the family, time together on weekends, children have both parents with them all the time, etc., and I feel like an outcast, failure, loser. I feel like I should have done more to work on my marriage. I'm just so doubtful right now.
I also have a friend who told me she was getting a divorce. Her DH is in rehab for heroin right now (his 2nd time). However, she just told me that she decided to work things out with him when he cleans himself up and improves his life.
Just reflecting on everything and feeling like I did the wrong thing 
Re: Doubts...part of the cycle?
I'm really sorry you're going through this. What are the reasons you left? I know the leaving isn't easy, and it sounds like you are romanticizing your marriage. Maybe it would help you to make a list of the reasons you decided that divorce was best. Also remember that a successful marriage takes two willing partners, and even if your friends seem to have the "perfect family," you never really know what's going on behind the scenes. It's great that your STBX is a good parent, but that doesn't mean that it would work for him to be your husband again.
Remember that it's much better for your LO to have two happy parents who are divorced than two miserable parents who are married. Stability for your child doesn't necessarily mean having both parents living under one roof.
I am raising a huge eyebrow here.
http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/62793745.aspx
A week ago you were telling us how you would "lay it all over the courtroom" that he was an abuser. You would do anything to prevent him from getting 50/50 custody because he abused your kids for 4 years. And now this??? It doesn't make any sense.
I think having second thoughts is part of the process. Occasionally I'll feel like maybe I should make some sort of grand gesture to try to win my H back now that we are getting along well. Anytime this happens, I just remind myself what life was like knowing that he was cheating, knowing he would always choose fill in the blank (his job, sports, his brothers, select friends, his own hobbies, other women) over his kids. I think about the fact that he made promises to me for 10 years "to shut me up" and never kept a single one. I could keep going, but you get the point. I think about how it felt to be married TO HIM, not just the secure feeling of having a partner. All of these things remind me of why I am NEVER going to be that doormat again. We are both MUCH better apart.
Maybe writing some of this down will help, that way you can look back on it on those weak days.
I think for some, this is a hard hurdle to get past. In my case, I didn't have a choice and my STBXH made a bold choice to walk away no matter what.
I think it is more of knowing I am the type that would want the best for my marriage and work my hardest to make it work and subconsciously, we hope that our partner would return the same sentiments. Unfortunately, that is not the case. My stbxh is so weak and took the easy way out. I have a hard time grasping why someone would give up so easily and not value relationships.
There is a saying in AA: Never judge your insides on someone else's outsides.