hypothetical q: spouse and careers

uwhuskygirl · February 2012

would you sacrifice your own career to further your spouses career? would you take a lesser job or a job not related in your field to further your spouses career?

BrandyL10 · February 2012

It would depend on what my career was, if I was happy with my job, physically couldn't do my job for much longer, etc. It would also depend on how his dynamics shifted, like would he be taken away longer in the day cause of this job? I would say yes, but right now I'm not completely satisfied with my job. But if it was a different career path that I loved, there would be some serious hashing out.

sarack · February 2012

Um, if it was going to significantly change our income, even with me getting a lesser job, then yes. But if not, no. BUt i'm not sure.. This is a hard question!

jennuinne · February 2012

It depends. It's hard for me to think of a way that chaning my career would help DH...unless we were moving and that's a whole other issue.

I'm the breadwinner, so it'd have to be something amazing for DH for me to sacrafice. I'd have to balance who much it would help DH (financially and happiness) and how much I would sacrafice (finacially and happiness) and see if it made sense.

Kahalagurl · February 2012

I did when i moved to wa three years go. H's Income has gone sig up so it was a financially good choice, but the emotional/advancement toll it took on me was much more than i expected. Its a good set up if we have kids, but if i were ever on my ownbthat would be scary.

amandasw · February 2012

story of my life right now...

emyinpink · February 2012

Nope, but DH might for me

KimberlyS530 · February 2012

Yep, I did it three years ago when I moved to CA and I haven't regretted it since. The field that I wanted to work in was extremely limited and very difficult to get into (professional sports - I'd done it before but not in SF), and it pays terribly, so there's no way we'd ever make career decisions around that. DH has a very good, well-paying job and has achieved amazing things already, and for tech you can't beat being in SF. So I took a job here and I didn't love it so I finally quit. Now I don't have a career but I'm really happy, and DH still can focus on his career and he's really happy, so it's a win for both of us.

I really, really want to move back to Seattle but lately have come to grips with the fact that we might just stay in SF / Bay Area indefinitely. DH has really built his reputation down here within the technology world and the opportunities being presented to him via LinkedIn are across-the-board pretty incredible, so I won't be surprised if I make that much bigger sacrifice (location) as well.

Nutrguru · February 2012

Yes. My goal in life is simply to be happy. And if H has a career that makes him happy I would shift things around for him. My other goal is to eventually be a SAHM (even though I love the balance I get from working and being a mom).

PurpleTurtles · February 2012

Probably, though where I'm at is something that would be pretty transferable if we needed to move or anything. I say probably because there are definitely some situational circumstances that would change the answer. I also know that if it was the other way around, DH would do the same for me (again, depending on the circumstances).

HallowsEve7 · February 2012

Yes, I would, and I did. It was an agreement between us before we got married. He's a programmer, and I always knew he'd make more money than me, which I was completely fine with. The security of his field/job allows me much more freedom to choose what I want to do, which is great since I still don't know yet. I loved the job I had before we moved here, and I do miss it at times, but the security and money he makes is more important to me.

therickson · February 2012

I think it really depends on what I would be doing and how our lives outside of work would be. I love my job now but think I could love other things as well. I work to live as they say...

sarack · February 2012

i'm confused how so many of you have done this? maybe i don't understand the question correctly.. are we saying stop our job so we can do things around the house?? i'm super confused.. especially if you're not in the same field.

please explain this to me.

uwhuskygirl · February 2012

sarack:
i'm confused how so many of you have done this? maybe i don't understand the question correctly.. are we saying stop our job so we can do things around the house?? i'm super confused.. especially if you're not in the same field.

please explain this to me.

I'm asking this question more like, would you give up your career if your spouse needed to relocate to further his/her career? More than likely the place you'd go to you would not be able to continue your career and would either have to not work or take a job not related to your field.

sarack · February 2012

uwhuskygirl:
sarack:

i'm confused how so many of you have done this? maybe i don't understand the question correctly.. are we saying stop our job so we can do things around the house?? i'm super confused.. especially if you're not in the same field.

please explain this to me.

I'm asking this question more like, would you give up your career if your spouse needed to relocate to further his/her career? More than likely the place you'd go to you would not be able to continue your career and would either have to not work or take a job not related to your field.

ok. this makes much better sense to me. i totally would.. but like i said before, we have to be making more money and have a better quality of life. otherwise, i'm not sure it would be the best move for us. also, would this place be semi close or like another state? if so, don't do it.

jennlin · February 2012

absolutely. but that's because my whole life i've wanted to be a SAHM. my career (even though i make enough money), has never been important to me.

soralette · February 2012

I don't think I've ever had a "career" qua career. I've had jobs, but meh? If DH needed me to give up a job I was at to advance his career and happiness, I'd do it.

We'd have to have a serious talk if he wanted to move us out of Seattle, though!

merrileekate · February 2012

I would, unless it took a really big financial toll. H has his MBA, he's found his career niche and he loves it. I've told him I would be willing to relocate if his job required it, but we've lucked out and he's been able to stay here so far even though his company got bought out by an out-of-state company last year.

I have a bachelor's and my job has moved into more of a career job in the past year. It's really hard to envision not working and being a SAHW, especially since we don't have kids and don't plan on them anytime soon. In my field I could probably find a fairly similar job wherever we went, but the reality is that H has the higher education and earning potential, so his work takes priority. And honestly, I've found that our life is 100x happier with H loving his job, so that's worth it to me to make sacrifices for his success if necessary.

mgoss228 · February 2012

I would take a hit on my career if H's career was moving in the direction where it would be a financial improvement for us. The only way I would hesitate is if a new job of H's took us out of Western WA. But, it the money was good enough, I would do it, even though it would make me upset.

therickson · February 2012

uwhuskygirl:
sarack:
i'm confused how so many of you have done this? maybe i don't understand the question correctly.. are we saying stop our job so we can do things around the house?? i'm super confused.. especially if you're not in the same field.

please explain this to me.
I'm asking this question more like, would you give up your career if your spouse needed to relocate to further his/her career? More than likely the place you'd go to you would not be able to continue your career and would either have to not work or take a job not related to your field.

I guess I have done this because DH loves his company and that I think it keeps us here. I would love to live abroad for a year but I don't think DH would ever risk his job.

karimychel · February 2012

I think you have to look at the bigger picture and what is going to make you both happy.

I've done this. I moved here with DH for his career. I also know this is just a stop along the way. They're already talking promotions. I reality, I probably won't be here in 18 months. That said, DH and I have discussed at what point he'll quit climbing the corporate ladder and where we are and aren't willing to relocate.

KST_ · February 2012

Right now, neither of us consider ourselves as having careers, just jobs. If he found an actual career path that made good money, and more importantly, that made him much happier, then yes I would. (Bonus if it meant we didn't need to rely on my money much so I could at least take a job that gave me joy with a smaller paycheck.)

MaddysMum · February 2012

Absolutely - I mean, we moved from Canada to here for his career and I'm essentially a non-person here.

We both consider ours careers a team effort, and the goal being comfort, security, balance and freedom which benefits the whole family not just the one whose career is advanced. And it actually functions that way. This move has made significant changes for us, and the end result will be my being able to make a major career change for love and not money and that's an amazing opportunity for me.

(Just remind me off that enthusiasm when I'm back at school in the net year or so!)

CDMay2006 · February 2012

Possibly. I have a few lines of work that i have done and would enjoy any of it. If it was a good move for us together i would consider it as long as it was not a total sacrifice (i.e., i were to be on my own down the road i would still have the experience i needed to stay comfortably afloat).

hypothetical q: spouse and careers

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