June 2008 Weddings
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
POLL; WWYD...
If your child (current or as yet to be born/conceived) committed a horrendous act? (i.e., murdered or raped someone)
Do you stand by the child and ignore the victim's family?
Do you apologize on the child's behalf?
Get them a good attorney and visit them in prison?
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Re: POLL; WWYD...
It would really depend upon the child. Is my child mentally disturbed? Has my child been abused or traumatized in any way (i.e., anywhere from relentless bullys at school to a kidnapping with rape)? Is my child just an a-hole?
For the most part, I think I would be totally unable to just turn my back on my child. I would probably get them a good attorney and visit them and stand by them, but at the same time carry a lot of guilt for the victim/victim's family....whatever happened to make my child commit a heinous crime, it certainly wasn't the victim's fault (unless we're talking bullying, which I woudl still feel a little bad about).
I know it's so wrong to, but that made me LOL! Now off to answer the actual questions.
With that said, I think as a parent it's so hard to step away from your child regardless, but when necessary you probably would. . . and in the case of murder, I don't think I could deal with that. I would honestly probably ending up writing them off and grieving them as if they died too. That sounds so horrible to admit.
Now of course, this is if they did it out of an act of violence, not defending themselves or our country.
I would probably apologize to the family to the point of ridiculousness-ness.
If your child (current or as yet to be born/conceived) committed a horrendous act? (i.e., murdered or raped someone)
Do you stand by the child and ignore the victim's family? I will stand by my child as a parent but I would not ignore the victim's family. Everyone makes mistakes and no matter how horrendous I'm not sure I could ever turn my back on my child.
Do you apologize on the child's behalf? Yes, and I would insist ( and hope) that my child apologizes as well.
Get them a good attorney and visit them in prison? Yes. I'm not sure I would raid my retirement or pay for legal counsel to the point that it is detrimental for the rest of the family for a good attorney but it all depends.
ETA: This question reminds me of a book I read from the point of view of the mother in a situation like this. It's called "When I lay My Issac Down" and I really enjoyed it.
I may have to pick that up.
This poll reminds me of an interview I once saw/read with one of the mother's of one of the shooters in Columbine. Just talking about how everyone judged her, but as far as she knew her kid was normal, and she never saw it coming, and that it in turn put her in a dark place because no one sympathized with the loss she felt, instead they blamed her. It was really sad.
I think I saw or read that interview and that's sort of what made me post the poll. The trial of the University of Virginia lacrosse player who killed his ex-girlfriend (also a lacrosse player) started today - the defendant is from my area and comes from a very wealthy family. The kid had all of the advantages in life - lots of money, private school etc. Of course, you don't know what actually went on inside of the household, but it sounds like he had a very different upbringing than that girl in Missouri whose parents were drug addicts, had abandoned her and she suffered from mental illness.
So it makes me think that it could happen to anyone and I just don't know how I would react. I'd like to think that I would stick by my child no matter what, but if he could do something like that to another person is he really the child that I raised and loved anymore? I think I would feel a real sense of loss too.
I'm not a mother yet, but I wonder if this is how I would feel. I think I would feel like the child I had raised was gone and would feel a sense of loss because of that. I think I'd probably help to get my child a lawyer to try to make sure he/she got a fair trial, but I'm not sure I would be able to speak out and defend my child. I'd like to think I would be able to apologize to the victims on my child's behalf, but who knows?
Funny you ask this because I was just thinking about this the other day. We had a big murder trial going on in our office and I watched a lot of it. I sat in the Courtroom and watched the mother of the 15 year old boy (who was 13 at the time he helped rob and kill a girl with his father and 5 other gang member friends) and wondered what I would do if that was my son. She was so irrational during the entire trial and when he was convicted she was so angry. I just dont know how I would feel.
My thoughts are that they are brought up in an entirely different lifestyle than my child will be brought up in and I hope that he will never experience. On the other hand, we had another trial in our office where an 18 year old senior was driving after drinking and killed everyone in his car except himself. In that case, I can see things being a little different because we have all done stupid things like that (at least DH and I did) in our younger days and know that it could happen to anyone and it wasnt an INTENTIONAL act, albeit stupid.