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Facts on "Don't let this happen to you" post V.Long. Sorry.
So some people seem to think that the the HOW is important. That's true, but it doesn't change where I am now. But for those who read and commented here's the facts in short.
- I met a guy through a mutual friend. Who at the time was in a relationship.
- HE contacted me months later and we had some friendly chat which turn flirty after awhile. I ASKED about his gf and he told me that it hadn't worked out.
* Now he never actually said "We broke up" - which he later threw back in my face. Now you can all say, well if he never said they broke up, why did you carry on with him. Because the whole "It didn't work out, wasn't going anywhere" was, to me saying the same thing. They were over.
- In this time the mutual friend and I grew apart and didn't really stay in contact.
- This guy and I lived 2 hours from each other and both worked in industries where we at times working through the night and on weekends (I'm a graphic designer and he's a CA) so we didn't get to see or spend that much time with each other, but we spoke everyday.
- this went on for maybe a year and a half and after that became a bit more serious, we were able to see and spend more time with each other. Because of our hectic work hours when we were together it was just us no friends. YES that should've been a red flag, but it was partly my decision too.
- six months into the "Lets get serious" phase (for lack of a better way to put it) he moved in with his gf. I found out because our mutual friend and I were slowly building back our relationship and I asked if he (mutual friend) wanted to something on saturday and he told me he was helping the guy and his gf move into their new place.
SHOCKER! I smsed the guy shortly after to ask WHAT THE HELL. His reply. Sorry you found out.
A blurry week followed because I didn't know what to feel or what to do.
I didn't see the guy again after, I didn't want to. We spoke via phone, email, sms and gmail chat because I wanted answers. I decided I'd let him explain himself before doing anything stupid.
He convinced me that he had been confused and that he was in a rocky relationship when he met me and he took a chance contacting me he never meant for it to go as far as it did... bla bla bla. I believed him. I know now I shouldn't have, but at the time I didn't want to believe that he played me for a fool and used me.
Because the mutual friend and I where better friends I saw more of him which meant seeing more of the guy and his gf. At that point in time I was dealing with finding out the truth and trying to get my head around it, so for the most part I just wanted to pretend in never happened.
So at the end of the day I told no one, i thought it would all blow over and everyone would carry one with their normal lives and I'd get over it.
Then his gf found out. And got the wrong end of the stick because he convinced her it was all cyber, nothing serious and lasted two months max. He asked me to stick to that story. This was a month before their wedding. What was I suppose to do, tell her the truth, hurt her, have the wedding cancelled and have all that money go to waste.
Granted she had the right to know, but logical thinking at the time was not something I was capable of.
Looking back now, there is a lot I wish I could've done differently. I wish I had spoken up sooner, told everyone the truth when I found out and told the gf (now wife) the truth.
Now I'm just angry that he got away with everything. He's happy. And has never once bother with me since I found out. That's what hurts the most that he was able to walk away so easily, that he never really cared. I really meant nothing to him. And now having to live with the fact that I was the other woman.
If you ever find yourself in this position, speak up.
Re: Facts on "Don't let this happen to you" post V.Long. Sorry.
So he had a relationship with you while he was engaged to another woman? What a jerk! You are better off without him (obviously). This makes me feel a little sick. What sort of man would do this?
You deserve much better, also, his new wife deserves much better. I honestly don't know what I would do in this situation- if you tell her, you run a big risk of her thinking that you are just causing trouble. At the same time, I know that if it were me, I would like to know that the man I married was a liar and a sh!tbag.
That is utter crap, I'm sorry you got put through that. Focus on yourself, you don't owe him (or even her, though she's innocent in this) anything. If it'd make you feel better to tell, do it. If not, don't. Whether she believes you isn't up to you.
Everyone's been duped in one way or another. Don't let it define your life or how you see yourself. Keep your head up and let your real friends support you. The ones that don't are just noise.
"The meek shall inherit the earth" isn't about children. It's about deer. We're all going to get messed the fuckup by a bunch of cloned super-deer.- samfish2bcrab
Sometimes I wonder if scientists have never seen a sci-fi movie before. "Oh yes, let's create a super species of deer. NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG." I wonder if State Farm offers a Zombie Deer Attack policy. -CaliopeSpidrman
2013 Calendars and More!
She already said that no, she did not continue any relationship with him after she found out.
Agreed. It sounds like he's an asss, and you dodged a bullet. Move on with your life and count yourself lucky that you found out what a jerkoff he was before your feelings grew even more.
She didn't exactly say that, just like he didn't exactly say he was still in a relationship. She said she was still in contact with him to figure things out for what seems to be an extended time. She also said she let him convince her that he was in a crappy relationship and seeing if he could be happy with her, because she didn't want to believe the alternative.
And in her previous post, she implied and didn't deny that she continued a relationship with him after she found out, unless I missed something. So that's why I'm asking.
2013 Calendars and More!
I saw that, but wasn't sure if she just meant she eventually ended it because of some of the other things she said.
Regardless, I just re-read and saw where she said she didn't see him again after she found out.
2013 Calendars and More!
So it was better to let her marry a cheating, lying sonofabitch?
You chickened out here. That's about the best I have to offer
You're right, but again, logic flew out the window and by the time she found out I thought I was okay and then she flew into me... It was all one big mess. Yes I did chicken out in the end and NOW I know it was wrong, I wish I has told her everything, but now it's too late. They need to work out their problems without any interference from me and I need to work my way back up to "okay".
No. When I found out I wanted to forget the whole thing ever happened. And I thought the whole thing would blow over. That was my mistake. Thinking no one would find out and thinking I was right to keep it to myself. At the time I though I was doing the right thing.
You see, from what I gather the emails she read from me to him mentioned her and him cheating on her and me being the other woman... I think this is why people think I knew the whole time. I don't know when she found out exactly and when she told everyone else, but I'm sure it was a week or two before anyone said anything to me, and by then they had all made up their minds and had their version of the story - More so HIS version. When he asked me to lie for him one last time I didn't know EVERYONE knew and that everyone thought I knew about the gf. I know I shouldn't have lied and said it was all a cyber flirtation but at the time I thought that perhaps they could salvage their relationship and make it work.
It's not my fault she believed him. I later found out he'd cheated on her before and SHE knew. I know that shouldn't make a difference, but she forgave him once, the second time round should've opened her eyes. And I do get to say that, because she put all the blame on me when she knew he was capable of cheating.
That's my thinking. If I did/do say anything I run the risk of people thinking i'm doing out of spite, to cause trouble and to hurt him. She does deserve to know the truth, i'd want to know to. And to some extent her and I are in the same position. I know how much it hurt when I found out I don't know that I could do that to her, put her through that pain by telling her everything. It's a cop out I know. I didn't know what do to, you never know what the right thing to do is. Like I said, now I know I should've said something as soon as I found out, that is the biggest mistake I take from this and wish I could change it.