Relationships
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Help!!!
what is the best way to express being hurt by your spouse's actions without starting a fight? what would be the best time to bring up the concerns?
Re: Help!!!
This question concerns me. If you cannot manage something this basic, I think the answer is therapy. Expressing hurt should not lead to a fight. One of you or both have poor communicaiton skills.
Yeah, it's hard to answer this, because frankly, if I ever feel hurt by Heith, I go to him and be like "Hey, when you did this it hurt my feelings."
I guess one piece of advice is don't hold it in until you're already in an argument, and then bring it up out of nowhere and throw it in his face. I can see how that might lead to a fight. Otherwise, it's just a matter of being able to talk to one another.
This way has worked for me countless times, I hope it helps you!
1. Be in a calm place where neither of you are distracted (not driving, at a restaurant or in front of others)
2. Use a casual tone, but maintain eye contact so he knows it's important.
3. Take a deep breath and try to conjure up a feeling of your happiest day with him (wedding, proposal, perfect day together) - then your heart will be filled with love and will show in how you talk
4. Bring up the event in a direct way, in as few words as possible (guys lose interest quickly). "Hey babe, do you remember when you said you xyz. It made me feel hurt because it made me feel like you didn't care. Does that make sense?"
Over the years, I've learned that I can talk with my husband about the most difficult things as long as I am careful in how I say it. If I'm upset and I bring something up, he will automatically get defensive and it will turn into a fight. I try to listen to him, and hear what he is saying (I used to just like to drive my point home!).
I tend to get emotional easily so I take lots of deep breaths so I can keep my tone of voice even, and not too get emotional.
Good luck doll, it's hard but you will make it work!!
Is it just me, or does this advice always sound a little like how to deal with stray dogs? "Use a commanding tone, but don't appear threatening or aggressive."
Anyway, if you're not coming back OP to explain what this is about, I would say it depends on where your disconnect comes from. One thing that has worked when Mr M and I when we get into a "you never listen/see my side" rut, is to start out by empathizing with the other person's p.o.v.. Like, instead of launching with "You did X, and it hurt me because of Y and Z" (which is perfectly valid, but sometimes continues the argument) try saying "I think when you did X, you were trying to... or it was because of..." and really give it your best effort to see it from his p.o.v.. Then finish with "How do you think I've been feeling?" And really listen to what he says before you explain. Be sure to give him the same chance to explain how he feels or why it happened.
Now, if you're hurt because of cheating or abuse this is futile. You can empathize back and forth all you like without changing it. Also, if you find yourself thinking "but he really did it because he's a selfish assjerk", you need to go cool off first. If you still think this after cooling off, you need to either get outside help or get out.
"The meek shall inherit the earth" isn't about children. It's about deer. We're all going to get messed the fuckup by a bunch of cloned super-deer.- samfish2bcrab
Sometimes I wonder if scientists have never seen a sci-fi movie before. "Oh yes, let's create a super species of deer. NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG." I wonder if State Farm offers a Zombie Deer Attack policy. -CaliopeSpidrman
Holee shiit. I mean, that whole thing was just ridiculous (hint: guys do not always lose interest quickly, and they definitely shouldn't when you're talking about something important to you). But this piece of advice had me lol-ing.
Let your voice be filled with love!
Count me as another one who has difficulty answering. This is such a basic cornerstone of any relationship. You need to be able to communicate your feelings to each other without starting a fight.
we all fall down sometimes
brass and ballet flats