Trouble in Paradise
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Oh FFS - BMB - Husband + porn = OMG betrayed
My favourite part is "I asked him and he told me he didn't like it"
well, obviously he's not going to tell a women who just told him that she thinks all men who watch porn are disgusting that he likes it!
She seems exhausting.
I don't understand how so many people make it so far into a marriage before realizing that their SO *gasp* watches porn. I'm imagining their conversations with prospective spouses goes:
"Porn is disgusting and vile and anyone who watches it is a sick pervert. Oh, hey you don't watch it, right?"
"Of course not! Gross!"
"OMG, we're made for each other!"
BFP #4 It's a BOY!
CP: July 2011
BFP #3: 11/3/2011 M/C 12/12/11
We miss you and love you always, little firecrackers!
What kind of idiot purchases porn anymore, much less DVDs? That's what I would be pissed about.
I relied. And I'm vaguely ashamed of myself for it but my head was going to explode.
Now that I read the responses here though. I also agree with Kuus, He should've been like "Oh! Porn's a dealbreaker!?Good luck with that" and gone looking elsewhere.
I guess that I have a hard time viewing porn as sexist because during the five year period when DH and I were dating but either living in very separate zip codes or living together but working opposite schedules and both in school, I partook myself.
Yes, there absolutely is misogyny in porn, but porn is not misogynist by definition.
Summary:
OP: DH looks at porn and lies about it!
PP: *pats head* It's okay, men are yucky
Me: Sorry that you can't wear his balls around your neck.
Kuus: *hands me my asss for being a misogynist*
OP: Everyone's being MEAN!
Poof!
The fact that women are partaking doesn't make it not sexist. Women have historically been notorious for contributing to their own oppression, and little has changed.
What is misogynist about porn is its emphasis on the visual, and its collaboration with the rest of our society in sending the message that sexuality (and therefore human connection) is primarily visual in nature. Add to that the overwhelming societal message of the one specific, ever-shifting way that a woman must look in order to be visually worthy (and I'll call you a liar if you say that this isn't exactly how most porn women look, albeit exaggeratedly), and the subtler message that even if she does manage to look this way she's now interchangeable with every other woman who has managed this feat, and you have a lot of women feeling like a man looking at porn is basically him saying "yes, I absolutely buy in to everything you fear about what your culture is telling you". And really, he probably does.
And that isn't even touching the actual acts that go on in porn. I mean, wtf is up with the "money shot"?
Kuus, this just re-confirmed my (totally non-creepy) love for you. You say it so much better than I ever could! I read this and immediately said "yes, this is a huge part of the reason why I get that creepy/squicky feeling about porn."
ITA but am a complete hypocrite because I totally look at it. I studied the topic, even choose it for a whole presentation in school, and I still look at it.
I know I am COMPLETELY wrong here but for some reason, it bothers me more when my partner 'secretly' looks at it and I think that feeling is tied to what Kuus said about subtly confirming women's fears. Again, totally irrational for being OK with looking at it together and not OK with him looking at it alone.
However, my own personal problem with him looking at it secretly is solved if he can be a crafty teenage boy again and simply delete the browser history. :-)