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Venting just a bit.
I don't hardly know my brother. He and his wife live in Israel, along with their three kids, and although we grew up in the same house and are only three years apart, we have no relationship at all. My sister and I are somewhat closer - she and her H live in LA (I'm in NorCal) with their three kids. I adore their children.
H and I don't want kids, never have. Of course we married too late for that to be an option, but it worked out well.
My dad is turning 70 this weekend (the 12th). My brother (the only sibling that lives in Israel, near to Dad) is the only sibling with whom Dad doesn't have a great relationship. He tries, but they're too different in some regards, and too similar on others, and it just doesn't work. It's not helped by the fact that Bro's wife is a piece of work and really hard to get along with. She's a bit of a snob without having earned the "right" to be (YMMV on this depiction). She wasn't born into wealth, hasn't earned any of her own, etc, but she loves the labels and the "high society lifestyle." Bro was totally different - much more humble and low-key - before he met her. As far as I know, they're cordial to Dad and he to them.
Anyway, Bro is planning a big party for Dad's 70th. About a month ago, he emailed me and Sis and asked if I could make a DVD of all the "kids and grandkids" that they could show at the party. I agreed (I'm the "computer geek" in the family) but said they'd have to send me their clips of their kids and themselves by January 31st.
Sis took a while but eventually BIL sent me some clips of the two older children. Cute, very sweet, and I merged them into my iMovie file (H and I had already recorded our stuff). I asked them for more, but they apparently haven't had time - Sis is a doctor and works crazy hours, and BIL works from home while taking care of three kids.
Bro has, to this day, not sent anything, and I find that frustrating given that 1) the party's in a few days and 2) he was the one who asked me to do it. I've sent them at least a few reminders over the weeks, but other than an "I'll try to do it tonight" reply a couple of weeks ago, I've not heard a thing back.
Until today. Last night I sent a "final reminder" note and said that I'm going to send the final version out on Thursday am so that it has a shot in hell of making it on time, and that if they're not sending the files to me, they won't be in it. I expressed frustration and disappointment.
So Bro replies to me this afternoon saying that I shouldn't be angry (I wasn't; I was frustrated and disappointed), that he has a lot of things to do in re the party, taking care of sick kids, working, etc and that I should take a chill pill. It was very patronizing and condescending, very much of the "I have kids and you have no idea what my life is like" tone, implying that I sit around and eat bon bons all day. As IF!! I didn't know how to reply to that. I forwarded it to my H so we can work on a reply together - I mean, the relationship already stinks, but I don't want to burn the last match on this bridge without at least thinking it through.
This is the brother that I don't hear from unless he wants something from me. Case in point, this video. Another case in point, expensive items (stroller, etc) for his wife. If I send a random "hey, how you doing?" note, I won't hear back. If I skype him, he won't reply. But he won't ever say that he wants no relationship with me, and since I know it's important to Dad, I don't totally give up. Although I'm a lot closer to it now, to be honest.
Re: Venting just a bit.
Damn, that really sucks. I'm sorry.
I have a family member just like your brother. It is a pain but I have learned to except it as it is!
The video is a cool idea though!