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Please share your experiences, opinions, etc...
I am getting frustrated at my psychologist lately.
Basically, one of my main goal is to make new friends. I moved to this country and this small town because XH was going to school here. I have a ton of friends back home and I used to go out almost every single night and every weekend day and night. Then when I came here my social life = XH and his friends. It went down to almost 0 and I was depressed because of it. I learned my lesson and realized it was stupid to rely on his social network because you guessed it, now that we are separated/almost divorced I have very little friends left. I managed to make friends on my own though in the last 3 years. Most of them live far away (1.5 hours away) and the ones I have here are more acquaintances.
So, I am frustrated because I feel like my therapist expects me to have "social" results every week. I keep telling him that 1) this is a small town 2) most people my age (29) are married and/or with kids and don't have the time for single people like me 3) I work weekends so it's really hard to do something/meet people because of my schedule.
I want to meet people but I believe it's going to take time. I need to get out of this town and find a better job working M-F. I want to scream at him that making friends when you're out of school and an adult is hard! And I know I am not the only one in this situation.
Re: Please share your experiences, opinions, etc...
I have made like one or two friends as an adult. And those were either coworkers or really good friends of friends. So it is very hard. I do think though that your therapist has a good point about social goals each week. Have then been specific about what those are? I don't think it has to be "make a friend!" But could it be small steps like, "started up a conversation with person in line at starbucks," "signed up for a meet-up activity" "looked for volunteer opps," "attended a volunteer meeting," "reconnected with friend 1.5 hours away."
I think he/she just wants you to be in the cycle of being "social" because it can be very easy to sink into solitude. I find that with being social it snowballs. The more I do social stuff, the more opportunities that come my way. But if I don't "keep up" on it, especially with new friendships, they don't really develop and I end up spending all my time alone.
pdx18, I am very social at work. I speak to everyone, young, old....I have close coworkers of all ages. So I don't have a problem per say. People appreciate me too because I am invited to events or when I meet them at the store, they say Hi and come talk to me. I am a little bit shy but I never had problems making friends in life. It's just harder now that I am an adult and not in school or involved in sports.
There are no meetup groups in my area. Well there are, but they are very specific like for pug owners.
I'm with everyone who said you should move. I'm not sure what kind of work you do, but if your company has another branch, you might look into transferring. Or just start applying to jobs in places you want to live and see if you get any bites.
I agree that it is hard to make friends as an adult. Having recently moved to a new city, myself, I'm struggling with that issue as well.