Trouble in Paradise
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
This sounds so dumb.
I think I need to see a grief counselor or something. I have been insanely depressed and sad since the m/c. It seems so stupid to me though. I only found out I was pregnant like five minutes before finding out it wasn't alive (ok, more like two weeks, but you get the point), and I was feeling on the fence about the whole thing anyway. So I am pretty shocked at how devastating it has been, how sad I've felt. I hate to admit that I might need to talk to someone, and I really don't even know what I would talk about. I guess I just feel a little pathetic for taking something I hardly had time to process so hard. I think it's even more weird to me because I tend to be able to handle things really well, so admitting I need someone other than H or my mom to talk to seems so deeply wrong to me, especially when I know I'll delve into some dark feelings.
Oh, FFS.
Re: This sounds so dumb.
I am so sorry you are feeling so very sad, Malibu. Honestly though, I can't say that it's "stupid" to feel as you do. You were surprised & then happy only to have it ripped out from under you. Even pregnant for five seconds I think there would be some attachment to the baby.
If you feel that you need to talk to a professional it is no failure of yours. It is not stupid & it will help you sort out your emotions some. You will never get over a loss (nor should you have to btw) but you can get some help coping with the intense emotions.
My thoughts are with you & sending you lots of E-hugs.
So sorry for your loss. I miscarried in August. The loss hit me harder than I thought it would. If you feel you need to see someone. please do. Like Muddled said your feelings are completely valid. The pain of the loss gets easier as time goes by, but even 5 months later I have my moments.
I'm so sorry Malibu.
It's not dumb, and it's not pathetic, to need someone else to talk to.
Your H and your mom were also affected by the m/c, so yes, they know how you feel, but commiserating about a loss of any sort, only helps so much. It helps when someone knows how you feel, but the fact that you're all going through it at the same time means that none of you knows the way to deal with it, and move past it, any better than anyone else.
You had so many shocks, (even if you were kind of iffy about the first one, the rest were definitely bad shocks) in such a short time, of course it's going to be hard to deal with. I imagine that would knock anybody on their azz. I'm pretty sure there is no other experience, that this kind of loss compares to, so go easy on yourself. There is no right or wrong way to feel about this, but there are healthy and unhealthy ways to deal with it. And talking to a counselor, is a healthy one.
Oh man, I'm sorry.
That doesn't sound dumb at all. I think many many people in that situation would feel the same way.
Its not dumb at all.
I've known sense I was a pre-teen that I didn't want to be a mother. Just after DH and I got married I had an oops pregnancy. We were in a good position to have a baby if we chose to. We were in a place where we were comfortable, I had a job I loved, we just had to decide that we wanted a baby. We took our time deciding. I was 11 weeks and 4 days along and was getting excited about the idea of being a mother when I had my m/c. It was actually a missed m/c I was probably about 6 or 7 weeks along when I lost it. I was devastated. For being so unsure about having the baby it broke my heart to lose it. It wasn't my first m/c and it wouldn't be my last, but it was the closest I came to ever having a viable pregnancy. No matter how you come by the pregnancy or how you feel about the pregnancy a m/c shakes you to the core.
Get support. Talk to somebody. There is no reason to think negative thoughts about yourself because you are having an emotional reaction to your m/c. Be kind to yourself. You are not alone. I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish I could take your pain away.
I have to agree with everyone else. Its not dumb at all.
Its normal to be upset and confused and feeling so many different emotions during hard times. The fact that you only knew you were pregnant for two weeks doesnt change the fact that you still loved the child you were carrying and that you wanted that baby in your life.
I think you should talk to someone other than your H or mother, they are probably going through their feelings similar to the way you are. It could be very helpful to talk to someone unrelated to the situation. You deserve to have peace of mind and to be happy again. And if talking to a therapist or even just a friend out anything and everything then you should do it.
I wish you the best of luck, and I'm sorry for your loss. I hope everything works out. You know that we'll always be here for you...even though I'm a lurker!!
Your feelings are completly valid. My best friend had an accidental pregnancy that she didn't find out about until she ended up in the ER for pains. Turns out it was etopic and she had to have emergency surgery. The time span between finding out she was pregnant and learning it wasn't viable, was about 6 hours. She still had a really hard time dealing with the loss.
Also, people talk to therapist even when they haven't had a big event. Let's say someone suffers from general anxiety, they may seek therapy. Just keep that in mind when you are feeling silly for wanting to talk to someone, a therapist has heard a wide range of reasons for coming, and yours sounds VERY valid.
It's not dumb at all, and pretty normal.
I had a m/c a year and a half ago - I found out I was pregnant like a week before it happened, and I also was on the fence about the whole thing. It definately hit me harder than I thought it would. I broke down crying to my ob at the last appt to confirm I was all clear to ttc again.
Not to mention, your hormones are all over the place too. Get yourself whatever support you need to get through this, no one will think it's dumb, and if they do, it's only because they've never been in your shoes.
*hugs*
I'm so sorry you're going through this right now malibu. It's not dumb to feel upset and want to talk about those feelings with a counselor.
Do what you need to do to feel better!
It doesn't sound dumb to me. I went back to my therapist after my miscarriage and I think it was helpful for me. If you feel you should go, you should definitely try it.
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I wish it were better for you.
BFP #4 It's a BOY!
CP: July 2011
BFP #3: 11/3/2011 M/C 12/12/11
We miss you and love you always, little firecrackers!
I think this sounds like the opposite of dumb. It's understandable that this has rocked you - you had to process a lot of information and a lot of emotions in a small amount of time. Don't beat yourself up over the fact that you're human.
{{{HUGS}}} malibu.
Malibu, I'm truly sorry for your loss.
Please know your feelings are completely valid...not dumb at all.
I actually only have one person in my life I fully trust and confide in (my husband)...I don't trust anyone else fully....sounds horrible, but it's just where my life has taken me.
So I know what it's like to be afraid of getting too personal with people other than your husband and your mom.
Truly though, your feelings aren't dumb. Hugs
I'm so sorry Malibu. I don't think it's dumb at all. I'd worry if you didn't feel some sadness about the situation. It's a real loss and not something to be swept under the rug to be forgotten.
Take care of yourself.
You went through a FLOOD of emotions - how do I prepare for this? Are we ready? All of that, and then telling your H and accepting it and getting excited. All of those things came at you at once, and they were real. The loss is also a very real thing. You deserve to be able to talk them through with someone, cope and heal. It's not dumb, at all.
*hugs*
Thank you everyone. It is good to hear everyone else say it's not dumb, even though in my head I feel like it is. Like I said in my OP, I normally process things pretty easily and pretty well, so to feel miserable almost two weeks later feels so abnormal to me. I want to shake myself and say "get over it already", but I know I just can't in this case.
I still think I'll feel weird talking to a stranger about something so deeply personal, but I suppose after a few sessions it'll get easier. My OB did recommend someone to me, I plan on calling tomorrow after I know my H's schedule for next week. Hoping I can get in soon; I don't feel like I am the best parent in the world when I feel like all I want to do is lay in bed and feel self-pity.
It's not dumb at all, it's normal.
I know I said it before, but I'm still really sorry. If seeing a grief counselor will help you, then do it. ((hugs))
It will. The first 45 to 53 minutes of my therapy sessions were about things that had nothing to do with my miscarriage when I started therapy. But they were safe, easy things to talk about, and it lead me to be able to get out the really private stuff.
Give yourself some credit, when things like this happens we all wanna just lay in self pity. You aren't doing that, you are reaching out. Keep going. It will never get better but it will get easier.
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Here is an online hug (hope you don't mind)....
<<malibu5880>>
What you experienced can be very devastating. That happened to people in my family before they tried again. Give yourself all the time you need while making small changes to make your life better. I hope all the best for you and I hope and pray for a miracle.