How did you survive your long distance relationship?

Blessed55 · February 2012

So back in my last post where everyone discussed how they came to live abroad, it sounds like a lot of you all survived being long distance for some amount of time.

I can only live in S. Africa for 1 year because I have to come back to finish my last year of med school, but my H will probably be there for 2 years. I can hopefully go visit for about 1.5 weeks in the middle of that 2nd year while he's there.

He's lived in S. Africa for 2.5 months for the past 2 summers and we were long distance (between MD and VA) for 2 years previously, but this will obviously be different. The worse is the time difference when he's in S. Africa and I'm here.

So although it's a long ways off until we'd be separated, any tips?

aMrsin09 · February 2012

Hmm, I was older when I met H so I was used to life without him in it.

Yes, I missed him and it got frustrating at times (I got a raise on Monday but had to wait until the next Sat to talk to him), but I just tried to go about with the same life I was leading before I met him. Minus the dating of course.

Blessed55 · February 2012

aMrsin09:
Hmm, I was older when I met H so I was used to life without him in it.
Yes, I missed him and it got frustrating at times (I got a raise on Monday but had to wait until the next Sat to talk to him), but I just tried to go about with the same life I was leading before I met him. Minus the dating of course.

I'm definitely very independent so I'm not too concerned about being like omg I miss him soooo but I know there might be some tips that might make it easier.

dorothyinAus · February 2012

Most of my relationship with DH was long distance until I moved last year.

We Skyped most mornings -- the time change made it convenient for us to Skype while I was getting ready for work in the mornings, as he was home ending his day. We also had long chats on weekend mornings. I would linger in bed so we could "go to sleep" together. We also sent each other trinkets, little things, bits and pieces of our world. He was my supplier for Violet Crumbles and I supplied him with Lemonheads and cds at non-import prices. We always saved the packages to open together, either via IM or Skype.

We did "tv dates" as well. He bought an iTunes season pass to Numb3rs and I dvr-ed it and we watched it together, discussing via IM at the commercial breaks. Some weeks I would save up dvr-ed episodes of Jeopardy! to play together, setting the computer up so that the webcam was focused on the screen. And we shared books -- I would send him a copy of a book and we'd read a chapter and discuss it together.

I would definitely suggest that you arrange time for "dates," when you are focused on sharing an experience together, rather than just chatting. We also found it was comforting to have a Skype chat open even if we were doing other things. I'd have a Skype window open while I was cooking or putting away laundry. He'd have one open while he was typing blog posts. Sometimes we'd just "share the space."

gblake · February 2012

When DH was only my boyfriend he worked and lived in Singapore. We Skyped like crazy. 3 or 4 times a week. Because the distance was so great and flights were so expensive we only saw each other once during the year.

Amt2109 · February 2012

We chatted every day via yahoo/the game we played. That got interesting when we quit WoW and he went looking for another game and I didn't like any of them. We emailed a lot - some days he'd be too busy at work to get back to me, some days he'd send me a quick 'thinking of you' email.

I was lucky in that I had some savings and I wasn't currently working (partly because of him and partly because of all the volunteer/study I was doing), and so I was able to visit him for about ten days every three months. He visited me a couple times too when he'd accrued enough time.

I was fine most of the time. Yes, I missed him like crazy, but there would be like one day a month (and it would always change, so it wasn't cycle related) where I just couldn't handle it, and I'd sob literally all day. The next day, I'd be ok again.

I had a really good package on my cellphone where it was really cheap for me to call him (and cheap for him to receive) so I'd often call if I couldn't sleep at night... or for goodnight calls. He was the first person I called when I passed my driving test. That really helped.

I just basically kept busy. For the last year before I came to the States, I'd quit volunteering/studying and was working on visa-ness, and being an almost full-time carer for my sister and her wife. TBH, that had me more stressed than being away from him.

bluegirl2006 · February 2012

Like Dorothy we spent all of our relationship long distance until I moved here. Skype was our saving grace too. I worked from home a couple of days a week and on the days I worked from home we would turn on Skype and chat for a bit before he went to sleep and then he would sleep with the light on and I would watch him sleep while I worked. On weekends I would spend half the day in bed so we could "sleep" together. We also just had skype up while we went about our days/nights sometimes. We watched movies together via skype too. We also talked on the phone and sent emails.

myblueangel19 · February 2012

skype. We talked on average an hour every day, even if that meant he had to wake up early for work and I had to stay up a little later before going to bed. My phone bill was astronomical due to international texts and calls. We also had daily emails. Mostly, it just sucks and you do it because you don't have a choice so you keep on trucking along. But seriously, skype, letters, phone calls and emails will suddenly become the highlight of your existence except for the continual countdown to when you get together again.

Tofumonkey · February 2012

We spent a lot of time long distance while I was in China and he was in Canada, and then even after we were married when I was in the UK and he was in China. (ridiculous, I know!). It was fine, there were rough days, but we spoke on the phone twice a day - when I got up I called him (to say goodnight to him) and vice versa. So we spoke every morning and every evening. We chatted on MSN Video a couple of times a week and saw each other when we could.

I think it would be much harder now that we have kids, and I'm dreading an upcoming work trip to China because I'd be away from them for about 2 weeks and it's killing me already.

Mrs.E.07 · February 2012

One thing that really helped us was to really try to talk every day, even if it was just for a minute. That often involved me getting up early, or him staying up late, but it made a huge difference just to be able to hear each other's voices (this was before skype even existed, lol!), it made us feel more connected and not as far away from each other. Also, writing real letters was fun, too.

expatjen · February 2012

Like Mrs. E07, we talked every day, even if it was just to say good morning or good night; (I lived in SF and HI while we did long distance and he was in India). We Skyped and did Yahoo!chat. We wrote letters and emails. I'd often send him the 99cents Hallmark "just because" cards and include pictures of myself (nothing risqu?) around town or on various work trips I took. We also tried to see each other every 6 months (so I'd either go to India or we'd meet somewhere in the middle).

wise_rita · February 2012

I've only had to do LD over summers in college, which I wouldn't really "count", so all I can offer is knowing that it's a temporary situation really helps.

aMrsin09 · February 2012

Well heck, I hope H never reads this thread. He totally lost out.

I made sure I was up and looking decent for our Saturday AM Skype calls. That was it. Even then because of his work schedule we would sometimes go 6-8 weeks without being able to talk.

my poor dh ...

GilliC · February 2012

I'm only in my 4th month, so I don't know if we'll survive or not. I hope so!

Right now daylight savings time and his office's ridiculously early schedule are working in our favor, so our evenings are only off by a couple of hours. We leave Skype on while we're doing whatever we'd be doing on our own (cooking dinner, watching TV, etc.) just to feel like we're in the same place.

We've also started using iMessage a lot on the iPad/iPhone, because we can text each other any time almost for free (since we both have local data plans).

Skype usually drops the call in the middle of the night, but we go to sleep with Skype on by the bed, so that sometimes we get a surprise of waking up "together," which is a sweet way to start the morning. And like others, we do the TV/Movie date sometimes. We'll both download a show or film and then 3-2-1 hit play while we're on Skype (listening to the show via earphones).

Smudges*Mom · February 2012

Our long distance relationship was a courtesy of the military, so we did not have the same options available to most folks. DH was fortunate that he had a cell phone, so we talked just about every day. We also sent emails. I sent an occasional care package, but our son was itty-bitty, so it was mostly pictures.

We were fortunate that our LDR was for a finite period of time. It was not fun, but we got through it. And, lucky us, we get to do it again, soon.

GibbyLod · February 2012

Lots and lots of skype. Skype during the day, skype in bed, skype while getting ready, etc.

Also, it helps to have a trip planned to see each other that way it feels more manageable.

Blessed55 · February 2012

Thanks so much for the tips. We definitely used Skype before but the connection sucked sometimes. However I never thought of skyping to watch movies together or play games, that would be fun! Hopefully his Internet will be good. Also I love the idea of sending pictures and/or letters. I need to look up how much it costs to mail to cape town. Thanks for the ideas!

How did you survive your long distance relationship?

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