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Finally moved (update from am I selfish post a month or so ago)
Had to delete my post on this, I thought I was logged in with a different screen name.anyways!
I finally told myself I needed to leave. So I have been back in my home town now for about 3 weeks. I miss my husband obviously, but this is where I am happy. Nothing was changing so I took the step I needed to. I'm glad I did this for me ad my child. My husband is very upset and is constantly telling me I need to come back and stay so we can go to counseling and then I can decide. I tried to make him to o to counseling before and he never wanted, I've went though. He just doesn't understand that I don't want to live there, I wasn't happy there. Things were never going to change and I was just his 'maid'. That is what he misses most I'm sure. Now knowing that I'm here, he still says he is not moving back here, he hasn't even tried talking to anyone about a job. He tells me his career there is way to awesome and he doesn't want to leave it and start some place else. I completly understand that he loves his career, but your career is the field of work you are in, of you live it you can work in other states and towns doing it. I know he can get work here. And I can, back there I can't. I'm like stuck when I'm there, doing nothing. I need my family in my life, not just my child and my husband. I came from a big family and doing things with them all the time. I don't want to be away any longer than I was, and I want my child to grow up with that too. He came from divorced parents fighting to this day. I'm not in anyway saying my family is better than his. But he continues to be rude about them an tells me I need to grow up because I want to live by my mommy and daddy (those are his words). Anyway, I'm not looking for answers I have to decide for my self, I'm just looking for advice. He tells me I'm putting my family before our family and that his job is soooo great I will be ruining his life if he comes to live here.
Re: Finally moved (update from am I selfish post a month or so ago)
Well I suppose it depends. If you moved because you wanted to be closer to your family, then yeah that is selfish. Extended parents are important in a child's life, but not as important as a father.
If you moved because he treated you badly, then that is understandable.
He's throwing a lot of stuff at you that he's equally guilty of himself. Which tells me he really doesn't want to "work with you" on this issue. He just wants his wife back w/ him, "where she belongs".
He doesn't seem to want to talk with you and try to find a solution that will actually make you happy.
Before you deleted, you mentioned that your friends have always felt he was controlling. If that is true, then no wonder he wants you to go back there - where you are essentially alone and have no support. It's called isolation.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Here's the original post:
http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/61784123.aspx
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
How far away are you from each other?
Do you want to file for divorce? If he moved to your hometown would you want to stay married? Because I know several couples where one spouse works as a consultant and works out of town Mon - Friday. It's not ideal, but could you manage a small household in each town and have him travel home on weekends?
Part of this sounds like you left him, and another part sounds like you want him to join you. Are you really prepared to share custody and/or visitation and all that would entail? Set-up child support, deal with his new girlfriend parenting your child (someday)? I think you really need to think this through. I am so glad you did what was best for you, now you have to think seriously about what's next. What your options are and what you are willing to do. Plus, you need to talk to a laywer and find-out your best legal position - based on your post, your husband can file for divorce on the grounds of abandonment, and that might not be in your best interest. Seek legal advice - even if you want to stay married.
I had an awesome response before this post was deleted. lol
He doesn't care if you are happy or not. Why would anyone want to stay in that situation? If he did care, this would be an adult disussion between the two of you, not him trying to run everything and say it's all your fault. He says you are wrong by putting your family first, while he is doing the same thing by putting his dad, hunting, and job first. He sounded controlling and possibly abusive on the original post, and I don't see why you woutd want to go back to that.
Basically, he now says he wants you to come back so he can fake his way though counseling and keep you isolated so you will stay. I'd pass.
Honestly, I think you are better off having some distance from him. Stay where you are for now and re-evaluate your life, your marriage, and what you need.
Your H has been putting his hobby / sport of hunting ahead of you and your child for quite a while. Marriage is about doing what is best as a couple and for the family you have created, not necessarily getting to do what you want all the time. Living in the deep woods obviously did not meet your needs. YOU need to put yourself and your child first for a change!