Relationships
nyc artist
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
question for the moms who work full time
Seriously HOW do you do it? I'm dying to know. I'm not a mom, but I work full time, and cook dinner when I get home, then clean, then try to do art and side projects. I feel like I don't have enough "me" time as it is, but I can't imagine having a small child or children to take care of on top of that as well. Do you feel like you get enough "me" time? When? How late do you have to go to bed? What do you do to relax?
Mad props to all of you!
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
Re: question for the moms who work full time
I don't know, you just do. Some days better than others. I don't do everything. I have a partner who carries the water in a lot of ways. Like cooking dinner if he gets home first, doing the baths, and so on.
I get a fair amount of me time. My husband and I take turns watching the kids to give the other person time for the gym, or errands, or yard work, or time with friends. To relax I work out, shop, hang with friends, read, cook. Play with my kids.
I go to bed between 10:45 and 11:30. Up at 6 for the gym a few days a week, otherwise I'm up at 7 for work.
I'm a WAHM mom, so maybe I don't count. But I give up things like clean apartment for me time sometimes, and I don't make dinner every night - things like a big pot of chili or soup or a casserole at least once a week so we have leftovers. Lorne makes dinner when he can. You can't do everything the way you used to, but if you have a partner that's invested in the kids and doing their fair share around the house, you can still have time for yourself.
I knit and watch TV or terrible movies or read to relax. Sometimes I write. Sometimes I go on runs, which is less relaxing, but it's much nicer than when I do it pushing a stroller. Our schedule is pretty crappy these days because of Lorne's school schedule and I wish I had more time to myself. I miss sewing and I don't read as much as I want to, but you do what you can.
There are definitely days that I get done working late and instead of going to bed right away I spend a half hour knitting or reading to wind down.
Also, I like my kids. I want to spend time with them most of the time. So you do less things you did before you have kids, but it's not like you're trading that time in for the worst thing in the world; kids are pretty fun. Usually. Except when they play in the toilet and eat cat poop.
i don't know, i don't think i did it really all that well for a good portion of her first year. i don't think i got enough me time when she was an infant, and there was a lot of trial and error and panicking and not a lot of sleep. and i went on antidepressants for a while (which did help tremendously).
but for me, being a full time working mom to a toddler is a lot easier and more fun. it is also helpful that her routines are well established now, she sleeps, is communicative, and i really like her daycare situation, and she is thriving in that environment.
i guess i learned that if i have a second there are some things i will probably do differently this time.
Well, for one, DS has always been an early sleeper. He goes to bed now around 6:30/7 (which is late compared to when he was younger!). So- that gives me a couple hours in the evening to myself, even if I go to bed at 9 (which I often do
).
I'm lucky too in that my parents watch him Wed and Thurs, which means they keep him overnight. So I get almost every Wed night to myself (or w/ DH if he's not working).
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I certainly don't have as much "me" time as I used to, and some things I enjoy doing get sacrificed, but you figure things out. I'm much more organized about planning meals than I used to be, which means I save time at night. I work out at lunch rather than after work, and I don't obsess over having an immaculate home. I also have a husband who pulls more than his share of the load.
Perhaps I am deluded because I have been doing it for so long but I really don't think it is a big deal. I always hear people say "How do you do it." and then I get all nervous like I am missing something. The only time it is hard is when you have a sick kid and you try to juggle what is going on at work with who has to stay home with the child.
This has helped as well;
1. My standards of clean have lowered like whoa.
2. My H is awesome and very involved.
3. My kid is a good sleeper and goes to bed early.
I mostly clean in the morning. I only get up at 6 and try to have one or two projects picked out the night before to do in the morning. I do a little bit each night, but I don't stress over it anymore.
I meal plan the hell out of things.
And many times, I just can't do it. Last night I put DS in bed and went to our room to read for a little bit because he was fussy. DH came in from doing chores and found me sound asleep on our bed and DS singing to himself in his bed.
It's an interesting question, because though it's hard, I don't think about it unless someone asks me. Then I'm all, 'whoa is me, my life is so hard'. But really, it's just about recognizing that compromises must be made and there are not enough hours in the day to do everything I did before. I was never really a perfectionist, but my life's motto has become Good Enough is Good Enough. Mediocrity is my friend. Specifically:
1. I don't exercise nearly as much as I used to. I can only do like 3 times a week (and that's a good week) and that's okay.
2. I outsource a lot. Cleaning lady, online grocery shopping, prepared foods, etc.
3. My H is a partner. He handles the whole morning routine (I leave my house for work at 6:30 am before anyone gets up). I do the evening routine. I told this story when I saw Lindsay, KB, and TSD last week. I do all the cooking and was getting annoyed because my H never cooks. I was about to say something and then I realized when I came downstairs after putting Miles to bed one night that I haven't cleaned the kitchen in months. And yet, the kitchen is always nice and clean by the time I get back down from the tuck-in routine. It made me realize that we both feel a responsibility to keep it together and that's really important. And I didn't yell at him because he's kind of awesome.
4. Accepting that not everything can be priority number one at all times in your life. Life ebbs and flows. There are periods when career can be the top priority, or fitness, or family, or love life, or creative outlets, etc. But that shifts throughout one's life. That's how it works, and it's not something to apologize for. This simple concept has made me stress a lot less, and has made me feel a lot less guilty for the things I'm not getting to in my day to day life.
These are my three keys to happiness.
A 7:00 bedtime for the kid is gold. GOLD.
ETA: #4 to Vinny's guide to happiness is having separate TVs. My H watches his shows/plays video games in our upstairs living room, and I watch all of my saved crap shows on the Tivo downstairs. This makes for a happy marriage for the fat and lazy couple.
Well I only work part time and before I went to work 6 weeks ago mh and rarely fought. Now, I'm annoyed because I'm still doing what I did before for our child plus being at work. Growing pains.
I go to bed between 12:30a-1:30a but I did that before I was married or had a kid.
I do get "me time" though- I have a mothers helper and a sitter I use frequently.
The key points eddy pointed out apply to me. Although, I do do outsourcing for cleaning.
And seriously, I don't know how I could do it without Mr. Winged.
I certainly feel like I miss some me time. And I worried when planning for kids about that. But I don't miss it. Or like, last night, I felt like crap and just wanted to lay in bed and watch the Office. So, we skipped bath and Dagger played on the iPad. It worked.
Thanks everyone for your answers! Very informative! My DH better help me when we decide to have kids!! Right now he's the worst about doing dishes! I even made a pact with him to do dishes forever if he took the garbage out forever. lol. Except that the dishes need to be done much more frequently than the garbage needs to be taken out. haha. I'll give him credit though, does clean the bathroom and usually helps me clean on the weekends.
Anyway, I'm seeing that compromise is a really big deal with everyone's responses. And it's definitely good to know that it is doable. I still give you all a ton of credit. One of my best friends is a stay at home mom and she always tells me she doesn't have time for anything, so that's why I'm especially in awe of working moms. Not to discredit stay at home moms either, just sayin it's amazing to have to juggle so many things.
Noisy, I didn't know you worked from home. That to me seems like a great option. It's my goal to do freelance full time from home, so maybe by the time I am able to do that, having kids won't seem so overwhelming to me!
My "me" time happens 9-11 pm or during weeks his dad has him. My house isn't spotless and sometimes we have sandwiches or microwave dinners because I want to chill rather than cook.
Kevin is awesome about helping out if I have a race or something on the weekend or just haven't gotten to shower yet. I am also lucky in that I get paid for 3 hrs of fitness time per week so I go to the gym before I pick him up from daycare.
Other than that, hanging out with my kiddo becomes my me time. It's not like we aren't having fun when he's awake and stuff most of the time anyhow.
It's actually not that bad. I don't cook dinner during the week at all. We have easy meals. I don't clean anything. We have maids come in every week. My baby goes to sleep at 7 and DH and I have time to do what we want.
I work out at lunch or after she's in bed. I also run with her in the running stroller. As for time with friends, we get babysitters or take turns going out.
Working for me is super rewarding and million times easier than being home with her all day long. I have no clue how anyone could stay home with kids all day long. I would go insane.
I don't sit on my butt as much. No, seriously, I used to spend a lot of time on the couch after work, grading papers or watching TV or something. Now, my H and I sit down to watch a show off the DVR and that's about it. I'm much more efficient about leaving my work at work, so I don't have to worry about it when I get home.
I actually feel more productive now that I have a kid. It's kind of weird, I know, but I really was lazier before Isaiah.
My H is also super-helpful and does 50% of what needs to get done. He helps cook, does the dishes, and gives Isaiah his bath. He also does his own laundry, which helps a lot too.
Edited to add: I'm in bed by 9:30-10 every night. I can't stay up late anymore.
This is making me feel a lot better about how I'm going to balance work and baby next year. I've been anxious about it since that stupid meeting with my boss 2 weeks ago.
Thankfully I have a great husband who already does all of the cooking and most of the laundry and cleaning when he's home. The weeks he has work, only the laundry and basics get done like dishes and garbage. Then on weekends we'll take care of other things plus when he's off he does a lot during the day.