Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Navigating Dating
So, my STBXH and I have been separated for going on four months now. I moved out at the beginning of November, then moved across the country to start my new life at the end of December. I'm emotionally done, but just haven't filed the paperwork (his inability to hear my needs, and my inability to express myself in a way he can/wants to understand being one of our main issues--surprise!).
My goal for this new beginning is to focus on myself, figure out what I want in life, and establish my independence. I'm continuing to have weekly phone meetings with my therapist, and trying not to think about relationships at all.
That said, I've been asked out a few times since I've been here, and gone out on dates with three different guys. I really fancy one of them, but I have no desire to get in a relationship right now, so things are progressing very very slowly (which is wonderful).
But, thinking I should not limit myself to just one person, I went on a date with a new guy last night. It was fun. He's very sweet, handsome, has a good job, bla bla bla, but I'm just not that into him. Our date went well, he kissed me goodnight, and it was over in about 2 hours. Then, this morning he texts me asking me if I want to hang out again on Monday. We've only been on one date, and I want to give him a chance, but I also don't want to lead him on. Monday feels SO quick to me. I was thinking we might go on another date on Friday or Saturday or something.
I know I should have learned how to do this in high school, but my pattern was to bounce from one super intense long term relationship to another. My therapist thinks I should continue to date casually to learn how to have boundaries and speak up for what I want. I agree, but at the same time, I don't want anyone's feelings to get hurt.
So, how does one go about dating casually? I want to be confident and assertive without coming off as selfish and entitled.
Specifically with this new guy, I'm not sure if I should make up an excuse for Monday, or just tell him that Monday's really quick for me and I want to take things slow. I feel like saying something like that so early on is really presumptuous, but what do I know?
Anyway, I appreciate any and all advice. Thank you!
Re: Navigating Dating
Yes, that would be the simple, non-overanalyzing crazy thing to do. Thanks :-)