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Oh my god, you guys.
I got a text from my best friend around 1 this morning that her boyfriend beat her up and that she wants to press charges. I immediately called her, and she is safe and ok. She is with another friend that cares about her, and I told both of them that she needs to go to the hospital and make a police report to press charges. I was crying the whole time. I'm so distraught and heart broken for her. She is 200 miles away, but I'm going to try to sleep for an hour or so and then go to her.
Is there anything else I can tell her to do? A number I could have her call? She has family close by and lots of people that love her and care about her. I just want to help her in any way I can, but I'm not sure what I can do. Any kind words or advice you could give would help tremendously. I've never been in this situation before; I feel so sad for my friend. Thanks in advance.
Re: Oh my god, you guys.
Honestly? At this point just being there for your friend WHATEVER SHE DECIDES TO DO is the best thing you can do.
If your friend wants to press charges, be there for her, help her through the process if you can. If your friend wants to leave her partner, be there for her and support her. If your friend doesn't want to immediately file charges, THAT'S OKAY, too - still be there for her as a friend. If your friend decides they never want to file charges, that's okay, too. And if your friend decides they want to stay with their partner, that's still okay.
The key thing to realize is that this is your friend's decision, no matter what that decision is, and trying to push her into a decision, or guilting her about whatever decision she makes is definitely not the way to go (not that I think you're doing that - just throwing it out as a general tip).
Also, and this tends to go against what most of us want to do when our friends or family tell us they've been hurt by someone else, do NOT go on a rampage about how her bf sucks, is an idiot, is a lowlife bastard, a )(#$(*#&$(*#&$, etc. If she wants to talk to you about her relationship, you can agree with her on these type of things, but keep your comments positive and about her, e.g. she's a beautiful, smart, amazing woman, and she deserves to be with someone who treats her that way, etc. Going on the offensive about the partners of abuse survivors can often make them feel like it was their fault for choosing such a person.
In case it's not apparent, a big part of my life has been spent working directly with victims and survivors of intimate partner violence...and I'm a survivor myself. I know some of these tips may seem counterintuitive, but they're the best thinking from survivors themselves, and from their advocates.
If you'd like some more info, or more tips about her area and resources there, feel free to PM me her city and I'll see what I can find for you.
"You don't get to be all puke-face about your kid shooting your undead baby daddy when all you had to do was KEEP HIM IN THE FLUCKING HOUSE, LORI!" - doctorwho
Thank you ladies, and thank you arborgold for your response. She has already pressed charges. The charge is a felony with a minimum of $15,000 bail, and if he's able to post it, there is an automatic order of protection until the court date. I told her how proud I am of her for doing this. She is very lucky that he didn't kill her.
ETA: I didn't have my facts straight. $15,000 would be the bond, not the bail.