Sex & Romance
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Lack of sex life

This is a repost from another board - just looking of more advice.

What do you do when your sex life is nonexistent?

Just to give you some perspective, it's a good month if we have sex once. I am the one who always initiates but he is always tired, not in the mood or not feeling well. It?s also to the point that I think he tells me he is not feeling well early in the day on nights when we don?t have our son so I won?t expect anything. I have been turned down so much lately that I told him to approach me when he wanted to have sex because I can?t take anymore rejection. So now, the wait begins.

 

We have talked about this in the past and he knows that I am not happy with our sex life. His excuses are: I don?t feel good about myself, I am out of shape, etc. I have also asked many times if it is me and if there is something I can do to improve our sex life and he always tells me no.

 

We have been married for seven years and the frequency of our sex life has always been a battle, but lately it seems like it is worse than ever. On a lighter note, when we do have sex, it is very good.

 

I am sorry that this is so long, but I am so upset by this and really don?t have anyone to talk to about this in real life.

 

Thanks.

TTC since 10/06 - Went to RE after 6 months of TTC due to AMA -Diagnosed with MIF 5/07, only option IVF with ICSI - IVF #1 cancelled due to cyst, never got to ER - IVF #1.5 10/07, BFP - Robert Andrew born 7/30/08 Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers

Re: Lack of sex life

  • Why not, instead of reverting back to the "is it me question" , after he says it's because he doesn't feel good about himself/he's out of shape, why not ask him what he plans to do to change that?  Figure out a work out routine for both of you to do together, a meal plan, a gym trainer, classes....something that will erase this excuse.

     

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • imageLilBlkDress1:

    Why not, instead of reverting back to the "is it me question" , after he says it's because he doesn't feel good about himself/he's out of shape, why not ask him what he plans to do to change that?  Figure out a work out routine for both of you to do together, a meal plan, a gym trainer, classes....something that will erase this excuse.

     





    I totally agree
  • My husband and I had the same problem.  A friend of ours gave us this book (The Five Love Languages) and we realized why things weren't connecting for us.  Give it a try.  Good Luck.

  • imagewisty_cat:

    The Five Love Languages

     

    Outstanding book and explains the mysterious ways some people express themselves. 

  • We have the exact same issues! I know exactly how you feel. It really starts playing with your self esteem and confidence. My husband always says he doesn't have a sex drive, he's tired or stressed. I would think sex would be a good stress reliever, it is for me. I wondered if anyone else had these issues. I'm sorry you're going through this, because I know exactly how it feels. We've only been married a little over a year and we went to premarital counseling (which was required by our church) and we talked about the 5 love languages and it hasn't seemed to help, maybe we need a refresher. We've gone to counseling. I'm at a complete loss and don't know what to do. I don't have anyone to talk to about this in real life either. It's embarrassing.
    Anniversary /Users/rhonda.ayres/Pictures/iPhoto Library/Modified/2010/Dec 5, 2010_5/100_5868.JPG
  • imagelifeguard:
    imagewisty_cat:

    The Five Love Languages

     

    Outstanding book and explains the mysterious ways some people express themselves. 

    I will check this out - thanks for the suggestion.

    TTC since 10/06 - Went to RE after 6 months of TTC due to AMA -Diagnosed with MIF 5/07, only option IVF with ICSI - IVF #1 cancelled due to cyst, never got to ER - IVF #1.5 10/07, BFP - Robert Andrew born 7/30/08 Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
  • imagerayres:
    We have the exact same issues! I know exactly how you feel. It really starts playing with your self esteem and confidence. My husband always says he doesn't have a sex drive, he's tired or stressed. I would think sex would be a good stress reliever, it is for me. I wondered if anyone else had these issues. I'm sorry you're going through this, because I know exactly how it feels. We've only been married a little over a year and we went to premarital counseling (which was required by our church) and we talked about the 5 love languages and it hasn't seemed to help, maybe we need a refresher. We've gone to counseling. I'm at a complete loss and don't know what to do. I don't have anyone to talk to about this in real life either. It's embarrassing.

    It is embarassing and it's hard when there is no one you want to confide in. Good luck and let me know how counseling goes.

    TTC since 10/06 - Went to RE after 6 months of TTC due to AMA -Diagnosed with MIF 5/07, only option IVF with ICSI - IVF #1 cancelled due to cyst, never got to ER - IVF #1.5 10/07, BFP - Robert Andrew born 7/30/08 Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
  • imagerayres:
    We have the exact same issues! I know exactly how you feel. It really starts playing with your self esteem and confidence. My husband always says he doesn't have a sex drive, he's tired or stressed. I would think sex would be a good stress reliever, it is for me. I wondered if anyone else had these issues. I'm sorry you're going through this, because I know exactly how it feels. We've only been married a little over a year and we went to premarital counseling (which was required by our church) and we talked about the 5 love languages and it hasn't seemed to help, maybe we need a refresher. We've gone to counseling. I'm at a complete loss and don't know what to do. I don't have anyone to talk to about this in real life either. It's embarrassing.

     

    My story sounds a lot like yours. We havent had sex in 9 months and he's just plain not interested anymore and he says it's not me.  We start counseling this Wednesday and it will be brought up.  I hope it helps but if it doesn't I don't know what I'm going to do.  I'm so frustrated its beyond believable.  I'd you ver need someone to listen or talk to I'm here for you 

    imageAnniversary
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