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Questions from a New Girl
Hello Ladies!
My husband is joining the Army. I have some questions, and not many people I feel like I can talk to about all of this. My husband will be headed to MEPS next Wednesday/ Thursday. As of today, he told me he is most interested in a Medical Specialist MOS. Anyone out there have any experience with that MOS that can tell me what it's like? He says that if that's what he goes with, he'll leave for basic at the end of July. So I figure it's 10 weeks of basic, and then he says AIT is 19 weeks. Basic would be at Fort Sill, and AIT at Fort Sam. I plan to go out for his graduation, but would he be able to come home for Christmas? Don't they have Christmas exodus? Since it falls in the middle of his AIT, would he take a break and then go back to finish? If so how long would that break be? Our first anniversary is December 30, so it'd be amazing if he could be with me for that. I understand that I'll have to get used to holidays without him, but Christmas and our anniversary would be awesome to look forward to after him missing both of our birthdays and Thanksgiving. Also, is there a graduation from AIT? We live in Cincinnati, so a plane trip to OK, and then another to TX might not be doable.
Other questions I have are about timing for my life here. I have been at the same job for 4 and a half years, and it provides the bulk of our income. I'm afraid to tell them that my Husband is joining the military. I plan to continue working there until joining him at his first duty station. I'm afraid that telling them what my husband is doing could jeopardize that. A girl just today gave 3 weeks notice, and they told her to leave on the spot. I'm afraid telling them what's going on would be giving them several months notice, and could possibly end my employment long before we're ready. Anybody have any experience with this type situation? It's really weird for me to not talk to the people I work with about what's going on with me, because I always have before. The small office just has that type of atmosphere. They regularly ask me about how my husband is doing, and if we have plans for the weekend. Most of the people in our office were at the wedding even. Should I keep it all to myself when my husband is gone for basic and AIT? If so, how?? I wouldn't be surprised if they asked specific questions, because they're friendly like that, and I have this annoying trait where I won't lie if someone asks me something outright.
Also, we are at a point where we are thinking about kids. My husband is nearly ten yrs older than most new recruits and it feels like time for us. My thought is to stop taking the pill when he leaves for basic, and see what happens from there. Any wisdom out there on timing kids and military life? I know there will be times when he'll miss things, but my hope is that maybe if I'm pregnant while he's in AIT, he'd only miss the first part of my pregnancy, but be there for the birth and infant stage. How likely is it that he'd deploy right after AIT? If there's any way of knowing... Is there ever a time that is more predictable for him to be guaranteed to be with me for a birth? If that's a dumb question, I apologize, but I'm new and scared, so I'm sure I have plenty of dumb questions.
If he deployed right after AIT, what would that mean for me? Would I stay in my hometown by myself even longer? Or would we at least be at a duty station first? We want to live on post. I'd like to be closer to the support of other wives and the FRG, and hopefully plenty to be involved in to keep me busy. Maybe part time or volunteer work? Is it likely that we won't be able to live on post because housing is full and I'll be stuck in an apartment off post by myself?
Any advice on talking with friends and family that don't understand, or strongly disagree with our decision to enter a military lifestyle? I know it's scary for our families, but I'm scared too and will need support.
I apologize for my rambling, but after talking about this decision for quite a while, part of me is going "OH SH!T! it's actually happening now, and what if I'm not ready to be the strong, supportive wife I promised to be?"
I'd appreciate any advice anyone has on any of these topics, or what to expect in general, being new to Army life.
TIA
Re: Questions from a New Girl
I don't have the expertise to answer all of your questions but I'll do what I can. By the way welcome to the board. If you haven't already I encourage you to read the Opsec/Persec link at the top of the board and to follow the FAQ link in my siggy just in case you find that info. helpful.
For your job situation, eek! at them for telling that girl to leave on the spot. I'd be scared to tell them as well. When I left me job I was on very good terms with them and I still barely hinted at what was going on with DH and only gave official leave a month or two in advance. Just long enough to train my replacement. I didn't want my job to end any extra early because I needed the daily distraction and to keep busy. You might do well to do the same.
I do not know the percentage likelyhood of him getting deployed straight out of AIT but as far as I can tell with most of the branches and most MOS's it is a distinct possibility. Sorry, I don't know enough about the Army to advise you on when is the best time to plan a family. My DH is Navy and we've done the best we can but I still accept and acknowledge that something could come up in the next few months which would cause him to be gone for the birth. It's just a risk I have to take.
Whether or not you're able to secure housing on base will depend on the particular base. Some base housing may be privatized and will not actually physically be on base. A lot of people I know have had positive experiences living off base. Whether you live on base doesn't need to affect the support that you feel from other spouses. Living on or off base is a very personal decision and may not carry any special benefits such as increased security or access to resources.
Your level of involvement in the FRG will depend a lot on your willingness to participate as well as on the dynamics of the group. Some groups practically cease to exist unless there is a deployment in progress and only get together for information sessions while others are highly active at all times and provide a lot of social activities regardless of what's going on with the unit.
I know what you mean about the Oh sh!t feeling even though you've already long since made up your mind that you're ready and willing to do this. I encourage you to stick around the board and read old posts about experiences that people have had. We are very supportive here (but we will not fill your head with fluff) and there are a lot of very knowledgeable people who can answer questions.
First off, I was in basic during exodus; I went home and so did DH. it was 2 weeks.
Sometimes it's hard to get the job you want; even if it's the one you want.
I just told my family and left it that. They were pist and upset. Duh.
I regret nothing, Go on with your bad selves, as long as you know what hardships are in store. Good luck!
Thanks so much!
Also, does anyone have any advice on moving/ living on post with a dog? We adopted a basset/beagle mix almost a year ago, but she's still a bit unruly. Maybe I can do some training classes with her while H is in basic and AIT? Good for her, and good to keep me busy.
I'm not 100 percent sure on this, but I think that most bases allow pets, but have number, weight, and breed restrictions (it sounds like your pup would be fine). Also, where we are, if you put in a fence, then you have to dig it back up when you leave.
Definitely do training classes! It's never a bad thing to continue/refresh training, for both you and the dog.
ETA: And welcome to the board!
I don't post much, more just stalk the board, but my husband is a 68W which is combat medic so I thought I'd give the AIT point of view. He left June 30th for basic, graduate September 9th, went straight from basic to AIT. He was there over Thanksgiving so I went down to Ft. Sam and spent Thanksgiving there. We did Sea World and enjoyed San Antonio (but that's another story). As for his graduation, yes there is a ceremony.
I decided to drive down (we live in Ohio also so I know the feeling of traveling that far) so my mom drove with me we drove straight through 24 hours to watch him graduate, she flew home and he and I got to enjoy the drive together and stopped in Memphis on the way home (unlucky for us he graduated last February when that stupid snow storm hit almost the whole US so it took us three days to get home one alone was spent in Texas). The graduation ceremony is really cool, AIT wasn't as big of a deal as basic it was more like a high school graduation, they each got to walk across the stage when their name was called.
As for exodus, his was December 17-January 3, he got to come home for that and I think that's Army wide. Sorry for the mini tangents, I just wanted to give my point of view and some ideas for you. I don't have anything on the job since my husband was reserve and we were staying in the area. For the dog, I took our husky to petsmart and we did all the classes they had to offer so when he came home our dog was CGC certified and when he graduated basic I had recorded her doing some of the stuff she'd learned for him to see her since she couldn't come.
Good luck to you and your husband!
ajh2010,
Does your husband enjoy being a 68W? What's the job itself like?
67/200
I'm useless on the basic/AIT/graduation stuff because MH had already been in quite a while when we met.
As for timing kids, there's no right answer there. Look at your calendar with the information you have about your husband's schedule and decide whether or not you could be okay having a newborn in 9 months. I know a few couples in our class right now are TTC, but they skipped these last two months because graduation and PCSing will happen in July/August and they didn't want to PCS super-duper pregnant or with days-old babies. So they wait and try again in a couple of months. There will always be TDYs and deployments and he's going to miss parts of your life. Whether those parts are pregnancies, births, Christmases, birthdays, school plays, graduations, whatever. To me, I know he's going to miss things and no matter how hard we try to plan and schedule, the AF doesn't care about our schedule. They'll take him when they need him. So I don't bother planning too much around his being here. If it works out, great. But I never expect it to.
There is never a time he's guaranteed to be with you. When I got PG with DS DH was in a non-deployable position. Then, we discovered that I wasn't allowed to stay where we were stationed to give birth so I had to leave at 34 weeks. He was supposed to be able to come be with me from 38 weeks until 2 weeks after the birth. Then all hell broke loose and he was on lock-down in our house with kevlar on and our couch shoved against the door for a week. Then he was on lock-down in his office for another 10 days. He did eventually make it, 4 days before I went in to labor, but I spent the last month of my pregnancy thinking he was going to be half a world away after we knew he could be there. There are no guarantees and there are no absolutes.
As for family members -they probably will never understand. My mom gets so anxious every time we are due to PCS because she can't handle the uncertainty. She's not even directly involved. I just calmly tell her that this is part of the lifestyle and we're handling it. It's our life and our family and so long as we're okay with it, no one else really gets to have an opinion about it.
MIL is convinced that MH will never ever ever deploy for any reason ever. He didn't even tell her about his first deployment. I used to try to reason with her and make her understand. But she just wants to live in denial. It will be a shock to her when he gets orders to Afghanistan, but she can't say we didn't tell her so. She's an adult and it's her choice not to emotionally and mentally prepare for reality. I can't stop her from sticking her head in the sand.
Explain to them what's going on as best you can. Answer their questions as best you can. That's really all you can do.
68W is also known as the combat medic. If this is really what he wants to do, I would encourage him to look into a Special Operations contract. Certain units like the Rangers are begging for medics. He'll have to go to Airborne School, RASP and eventually Ranger School. It's tough, but do-able. The bonus for it is huge. You also PCS far less. You have the potential of staying at the same base for at least the first 8 years of his service. The community is tight knit and support is strong.
If you must choose between the graduations for Basic and the one for AIT, I would go to AIT grad. I encourage you to try to make it to both, though.
I would wait to TTC after he gets to his first duty station. There is a possibility for deployment right out of AIT, but he will have to in process at his new duty station first. He'll also have a chance to move you there as well. If there is no housing available on post, join a spouses FB page for that post or ask here. You can find out which areas are popular for military families. We live off post, but I am very involved in activites with our FRG and have some great friends because of that.
With your job, if you are working in a small office, they are going to find out wone way or another. I would go to them, explain the situation and explain that you are relying on this job while he is away. I think if they find out later, they will be more upset and more likely to let you go earlier.
He loves the mos, he's reserve so he doesn't do a whole lot yet, and he hasn't deployed yet. He currently is a medic at the unit he's at now (he just switched units and he'll actually do more medic stuff than he had done at the previous unit) and he has a platoon that he is the medic for. I wish I could be more help with that aspect but what your husband would do as a medic will be completely different from my husband since he's not active. The AIT is the same for every medic no matter if they're active or reserve, but once they're out of AIT it's a different life style.
OMG I just realized you said you were from Cincinnati. ME TOO
I cry crossing the river from KY to OH when driving back home. What part of town are you from? If you feel like disclosing...
I'm always homesick but I'm actually going back this weekend so yay!
I don't have any experience with his MOS.
Yes. From both my brother and sister being in basic and AIT respectively, they do get to come home for a few weeks for Christmas and New Year's. They start back up soon after New Year's though. He should be there for your anniversary.
He's going to be in training for a while. I don't think you will be leaving your job any time soon. I wouldn't give your two weeks until you know when and where you will be moving to your first duty station. (I wouldn't follow him while he's still training. That's ridiculous). I would hope they wouldn't fire you because your husband has a job in the military. So what if you will be moving eventually, you are working there currently and you don't know at this point when you will be leaving (6 months to a year from when he starts his basic training).
There is never a right time to have children, only a "good enough" time. This will be a decision only you and your husband can make.
No one knows where he wil be stationed for his first duty station. That duty station has a rotation for deployment. He may or may not go as soon as he gets there. There is no way to tell until it actually happens. And even then, things can change at short notice.
Housing is different everywhere. And I'm sure that other people in the FRG live off post. You shouldn't be the only one.
It's not for other friends and family to understand. If they don't get it or understand, then just tell them that it's a decision you've come to, you and your husband agree it suits you, and that's all that matters. We'll be here for you. Everyone gets scared and some question if it's really for them. Take it as it comes. The military tries to be supportive to family. You should always be able to find the help you need or want.
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I no longer have to worry about protecting my job... I was laid off Friday due to the sucky economy. After 4 1/2 years it was super weird to not get up and go to work this morning. Now I have to figure out how we'll pay bills... at least until he starts getting paid in basic.
He signed his contract Thursday. He'll be a medic. We'll be married exactly 7 months when he leaves, ironically for 7 months between basic and AIT. Then away we go to who knows where. This whole not being in control thing is new to me, and the thought of my husband being gone for seven months is hard to wrap my head around. I know it's still shorter than a deployment would be, and just part of the lifestyle to get used to, but I never thought I'd be a military wife until hubby and I discussed it, so it's just weird.
Thanks so much to all of you who read my super long rambling post and had something to offer. I really appreciate each of you!