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I am LIVID!
My EXH Ex fiance (yes confusing) contacted me and told me that my EXH had filed a police report on me for harassment. I could not believe it. I do not talk to him, have not seen him in over 8 months and now changed my phone number so he cannot contact me.
I contacted the police department and they told me he filed a report stating that I was texting him and calling him. The only time I texted him was when his MIL (who is 33) was harassing me texting me all kinds of crazy stuff. The officer told me the report had a note that they would not be investigation (likely bc there is no merit) so really nothing will happen. I am just livid he would file a fradulent police report. He has some nerve!
I didnt want to seek a restraining order but with this info and the fact that he hit his now EX Fiance I think Ill be filing for a protective order today on Valentines Day. Irony?
Re: I am LIVID!
I'm sorry, but I have to ask. His MIL is 33???
Ok maybe I should add some context:
1) He did threaten me in December stating that he was going to "choke" me. This is the date he is claiming I was harassing him. I didnt do anything at the time bc I figured a TRO would inflame the situation (I was advised by my attorney the same thing)
2) He has a private investigator working on finding out where his EX fiance lives and she said he told her he is doing the same for me as I did not reveal where I moved when I left the house. I filed all my papers at my work address.
3) He did have instances of physical abuse in our marriage so it is not far fetched to think something wouldnt happen now especially after his break up and erratic behavior lately.
4) Filing a false police report is a misdemeanor in California and I plan on prosecuting him to the fullest extent so I need a records trail to do this.
"not too far fetched" does not raise your case to the standard of being in fear for your life that you need for a TRO. Further a TRO is a step toward gettin a final restraining order (at least in my state) and ultimately without better evidence of threat of immediate harm, you will not get an FRO. If you fail at this it will just give him more power over you by making you realize the courts cannot protect you because he isn't dangerous enough.
Id suggest a therapy appointment over a court hearing. You need to get this man out of your head and not go on a witch hunt against him becuse he's an ass. The sooner you realize that dropping this is the best thing for you, the quicker you can move on.
I think the standards are different because there is a very low threshold here in California to obtain a TRO. Im a lawyer and actually got one for a client for voicemails that just said the person was "going to get her".
I just spoke with the detective and he made a police report for me. Im waiting 24 hours before making a decision because Im so pissed off.
And no Im not on a witch hunt but when someone is smearing your name illegally, its bound to piss you off!
Ditto Mint, and ditto others who advised not to go for a TRO at this stage.
The guy is an ass, yes, but from what you've posted, I really don't think you would be eligible for a restraining order, based on the CA statutes.
If he starts continually contacting you (in a harassing manner), or actually stalking you, or threatening you, your friends/family, your pets, etc., THEN by all means, please go file for an order of protection.
Until then, realize that this guy is an ass, and stay the hell away from him. Mint's idea of a therapist to help you through this time is actually a really good one. It seems like things were really bad with him, and you're having a hard time letting go.
Signed,
Atty who's published in the DV field
ETA: Hate that I have to say this, but that was not legal advice.
Here are the applicable info from the statutes if you want to read it yourself:
Protective and other "domestic violence prevention" orders (Ca Fam? 6300 et seq.) may issue, with or without notice, to prevent a recurrence of domestic violence pursuant to affidavit demonstrating, to the court's satisfaction, "reasonable proof of a past act or acts of abuse." [Ca Fam ? 6300]
"Abuse" within the meaning of the DVPA means either:
Here's CA Fam 6320, as well:
http://law.onecle.com/california/family/6320.html
"You don't get to be all puke-face about your kid shooting your undead baby daddy when all you had to do was KEEP HIM IN THE FLUCKING HOUSE, LORI!" - doctorwho
Thanks for the advice and I totally get what you guys are saying about therapy. I actually did 4 months of it after our split and worked through a lot of the abuse issues. However, I dont think that a therapy session is going to change how I feel about lies being filed against me through a police report. As a fellow lawyer, Im sure you understand the anger you would get if someone was filing false claims with the police that could come up in a professional context.
I realize hes an ass and I do not contact him AT ALL. I changed my phone number, did not give him my current address, put him on the security list in my work building, etc. Ive done everything I can to cut ties with him. I didnt even seek my monetary settlement that I was entitled to in our settlement agreement so Im pretty sure Im over it. If I wanted to hang on, Id have plenty of personal and legal ways to get back at him
Oh, I totally get this. I would be livid, as well!
I just don't think a restraining order is the correct response to that. If he keeps doing it (god forbid), then I think you'd have grounds for an order based on harassment, but not yet.
Until then, if you think filing a complaint for filing a false report is the best thing to do, then more power to you. I guess I would just worry that he's waiting for a response of some kind in order to up the idiocy (on his part), and think that maybe ignoring him (especiall if the police are on to him) might be the best tack at this point.
But you gotta do what you feel is best for you. Sorry you're going through this.
"You don't get to be all puke-face about your kid shooting your undead baby daddy when all you had to do was KEEP HIM IN THE FLUCKING HOUSE, LORI!" - doctorwho
I think it sums it up perfectly.
You want the order for revenge, not for protection. As evidenced by the fact that what made you want it is him filing a false report, not the past abuse which you admit is pretty far past. My state requires overt physical contact in the very recent past, as in twenty four hours for a PO and our code section is written very similarly if not identically.
I get that your pissed but the only way you know about it is through a third party and the police are not pursuing or investigating. You're likely to cause MORE damage to your reputation by pursuing this than not ae cutrently nobody knows about this. And as someone who handles false police report cases I'm fairly confident that a prosecutor would not pursue this. The rationale behind the code is that it wastes time and resources when we pursue false reports, here they aren't pursuing it so no wasted time or resources.
1) this will take what too much of your time and energy to pursue. He and his bullshit claims are not worth that.
2) pursuing this is going to put you back on his radar and give him more of a reason to try and track you down or mess with you. Exact opposite of what you want of he's dangerous.