Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Anyone been cheated on more than once and still married?
Dear Ladies,
I am looking I see if anyone out there has been cheated on more than once and managed to save their marriage. Husband cheated twice in 6 months with the same girl. Non sexual relationship (impossible due to distance) but had an emotional relationship. I k ow the fool me once saying and trust me i am formulating my next move. Any signs of hope out there?
Susan
Re: Anyone been cheated on more than once and still married?
I don't know why anyone would want to stay with someone who cheated on them. IMO, emotional cheating is even worse than physical cheating, but both are pretty horrible and unforgivable. Emotionally connecting with someone shows a deeper connection than just having sex to have sex. At least to me it does.
Obviously he doesn't care about YOUR feelings since he continues talking to this woman even after being caught.
Have you talked to him about this? What does he say about why he cheated and continues to cheat?
How does someone cheat emotionally "twice in 6 months"?? What does that mean?
My guess is, he got caught twice in 6 months, but he's been carrying on the whole time.
Nah, that was physical cheating. And it happened more than twice.
Yeah I know, I just couldn't resist.
I recommend survivinginfidelity.com. There are a lot of posters there with a variety of different stories of infidelity from long-term affairs to one-night stands to emotional affairs to serial cheaters, etc.
That said, I personally think the biggest factor in whether or not you can save any marriage after infidelity is how your spouse reacts. If he isn't genuinely remorseful, willing to do what it takes for you to forgive and willing to completely cut off contact with the affair partner, I don't know how people reconcile that, although I'm sure there are people who do.
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I bet there are some marriages that hobble along for decades after infidelity like you describe. However, I would say that a person who stays with someone that does not care about how their spouse feels is an emotional masochist.
Its not healthy to continue to allow yourself to be shat on multiple times. Ask yourself why you want to stay? Do you really deserve to be treated that way? Absolutely not.
If the marriage matters to your husband the affair would end. My money is on that he only got caught twice by you, but it has been an on-going emotional affair.
I'm sorry, if it were me I would file.
OP --
Get your first name off your post and your last name off of your ticker.
The interwebs be filled with weirdos!
Once is enough.
But twice?
This is not only an affair -- emotional affairs are still an affair, even if no sex was inlvolved -- there is also the fact that your H has zero character. Where's the respect for you? There is none here.
Do yourself a favor: say goodbye to this guy, pronto. Find yourself a man who wants to be with you and only with you.
And when you go, your stbxH can keep the doxie. He deserves her.
Sorry for your hard luck.
I agree with Motz...I think he only got caught twice.
I dont think I would ever tell someone to leave their spouse because I'm not in the situation and I dont know their past.
But you have to wonder why he's chosing this woman over you emotionally you know? Talk to him and ask him if its something that you can fix. Maybe this woman listens more to his needs. THAT ISNT AN EXCUSE for what he does though. But its just a thought. get to the bottom of WHY he is doing what he is doing and then figure out from there if its something you can move past.
How do you classify "twice" in an emotional affair? And have you two spoken about this, and gotten to the bottom of why it happened?
I think that the only hope for the relationship after something like that is communication, communication, communication. If your H is willing to speak with you about why he was drawn to this person, perhaps there is a chance. If he isn't, just move on.
I will qualify this with the fact that I would need to know more about what this emotional affair entailed to make a sound judgement. I am the kind of person that would be gone after one time.
Um, no.
If DH cheated more than once, forget married! The relevant question would be whether he'd still be in one piece.
Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't respect you or care about you?
XH cheated, and it got him kicked out of the Navy. I decided to stay with him, because I read that sometimes an affair is a symptom of problems within the marriage. We had an 8-month-old, so I wanted to try to work things out for her.
The second time I was forced to see that the affairs were a problem with his character, and I divorced his a**.
OP, your H has a character problem. Don't waste anymore time on him.